fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2580 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2580 ⌋

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Notes:

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Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

'You and I are working on this project together so please contribute something already, I can't handle this workload by myself!'

to somebody who's rather sensitive and may very well cry when you say it? I keep dropping hints like 'I hope we can finish our project on time' but she doesn't catch up. She says that she's busy a lot, but, well ... so am I. I haven't even had time for my blog these past weekdays. I know she's not that busy. I wish she hadn't volunteered to do this at all if she isn't going to help D:

I think that first sentence is perfect actually. Just make sure your tone isn't accusatory or anything and I think you've got a perfectly polite way of point blank stating the issue.

Do you think so? Like I said, she's kind of sensitive and I'm afraid that if I said that she'd burst into tears/go on a guilty ramble that makes me feel guilty/ignore me. Or should I just not worry too much about her reaction? I don't want to work with her if she's going to be mad at me.

Well you've got to decide which would upset you more, to have her try and guilt trip you or her not doing anything for the project.

I really do feel that the way you phrased it is perfect, and as long as you use a gentle non-judgmental tone I think it's fine. She might still cry and freak out, but keep in mind that that's all on her, not you. You haven't done anything to feel guilty about here.

You gotta ask yourself if you're gonna tell your professor/supervisor/lord-in-charge-idek that she pulled her own weight or if there'll be a peer evaluation and you'd be truthful about it. Because I'd say it's better to tell her now and at least have her do something, rather than let her ride it out 'till the end and then get a (deserved) bad grade.

That's a really awkward situation, but you shouldn't feel responsible for her disproportionate reaction to a really reasonable request.

You could leave out the word "already" if you don't want it to sound confrontational at all, but otherwise I think your first line is fine.

You say, "You and I are working on this project together so please contribute something already. I can't handle this workload by myself."

I mean, honestly, I don't think there's any better way to say it. On some level, it's up to her how she wants to respond.

She'll probably cry anyway. That is not your problem.

For the next thing you have to do for the project, say "well, I did x y z already, so could you do this?" It's not an easy question to say no to when she doesn't have a good excuse not to, and it's not directly accusing her and putting her on the spot.

Ah, that's a good one. I think she'd comply to that without complaining, thanks a lot!

Tell her a specific thing she needs to do with a deadline. It being a bit more concrete might help

Speaking as someone who cries easily, I don't think it will be your fault if she does start crying. You're being perfectly reasonable and your first sentence seems fine.

Came here to say exactly that. Some people are just more emotional than others.

To add, don't wait too long with this, because the longer you keep it in, the crappier it will come out and then it could escalate.

"Can you help me with (specific task)?"

When it comes to group projects with potential slackers (and for some reason it happened to me a lot), from the get-go I just start assigning specific tasks, tell my partners when I want them done, and ask if everyone's okay with that. From there, I just check in periodically and ask for status updates. Deadlines and structures help a lot with this type, because then it's not a nebulous Group Project anymore but That Analysis I Asked You To Write Up By Wednesday And BTW It's Monday Now.

Ask her to do specific part(s) of the project. If she objects, saying that she doesn't have time or whatever, remind her of the parts you've done, and the deadline for the project.

That first sentence, with this tacked on: "If you don't help me, we're going to fail."

And she'll probably cry, but in the long run it'll probably be good for her, or at the very least the shock should get her attention. Give her some tissues and wait awkwardly for her to be done, and when they are, just explain the reality of the situation - you need more help from her than she is giving.

If she still doesn't help, then just leave her name off the credits, so to speak - you did all the work, so make that a known fact to your boss/teacher/whoever the project is for.

If you feel guilty about her crying, just think of your project and remind yourself that you're probably doing her a favor - unless she's actually a child, then she needs to learn to hear when she's made a mistake like an adult, and learn how to at least try to fix said mistakes instead of feeling sorry for herself. Crying is optional in both situations - some people just cry easy - but the important part is getting her butt into gear.

That's rather kind that you're thinking of a way to soften it. But if you have things like deadlines, payment, grades, whatever, there's not a lot of room for ultra-comfortable disaproval.

I'd say even your example there works fine. However, I think you could also ask her if you can still rely on her. I'm assuming you may as well be doing everything by yourself, so why not be sure if that's going to be the case.

I think maybe the trick is to get her to agree to a specific division of tasks so that you do ABC and she does XYZ. No vague ambiguities ("please contribute something" allows too much room for her to make excuses) and no more hints. Keep the details as concrete as possible so it's like a checklist and get her confirmation that 1) this is a fair division of work, 2) she understands what she needs to do or will ask for clarification when necessary and 3) a deadline for what these tasks will be completed that is preferably well before your actual deadline.

Set a date for a physical meeting to check your respective progress. Answer all complaints about no time and too busy blah blah blah with, "So what's your plan to deal with that?"

If this doesn't work out, you're going to have to make that call about whether or not to cut her loose and save yourself. This is not selfish. She's a slacker, and slackers shouldn't get a free ride off your work. Good luck!

[ SECRET POST #2580 ]

F!S, how does one politely say

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