[ SECRET POST #2583 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2583 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 043 secrets from Secret Submission Post #369.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

It's great, except you really shouldn't wait until 40 to have a baby unless you're a movie star with access to lots of doctors. I'm 37 and I waited because I wanted to see the world and do wonderful things. Now I can't have a baby.

Can't argue with biology.

[(Anonymous)]

There's a thing called adoption.

[(Anonymous)]

Which is costly and difficult, particularly for older couples. You can't just go down to the child pound and pick out a baby. It's also a fairly useless thing to say to someone who wants their own biological child.

[(Anonymous)]

DA: The part about being costly and difficult really depends on the country the person lives in. You don't have to pay to adopt kids here.

[(Anonymous)]

lol i was just thinking that. it's fine to wait to have a baby. but generally not a good idea to wait to have them in your 40s, let alone plan it that way.

[(Anonymous)]

I wish I couldn't relate. :(

OP here

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry that happened to you! My dad was your age when he had me (and yeah it's different for guys, I know), my mom a bit younger, but still in her 30's. Personally I've always it was really nice to have parents who had lives before me, and were pretty settled by then. I know it comes with some risks, but then to me it was always nice to see mature couples represented in a youth-obsessed TV landscape, especially since it was not the reality of my parents, or most people around me.

I realize there are boundaries to biology - personally I just always felt it's better not to have a kid than the have one and resent them for tying you down. Anyway, I'm in my 30's by now, too, and nowhere near ready to have kids, which I know means I probably never will have them. And I think I'm getting to a point where I'm okay with that.I hope you can find happiness in other ways, anon. And I hope you saw the world, did wonderful things, and will do more.

Re: OP here

[(Anonymous)]

I like seeing mature characters presented in fandom, too, OP. I'm on the outer edge of my twenties, but I like watching shows about characters 30s and up (exceptions, sure, but generally that's the case). It's nice to see characters who act like adults because...that's what they are.

Re: OP here

[(Anonymous)]

it's better not to have a kid than the have one and resent them for tying you down

Yes, I agree with this! So much this!

Re: OP here

[mimi-sardinia.livejournal.com]

My mother got married when she was 26, and while that does not sound really old, the stories she has of her pre-marriage years still make me feel she lived a life before she settled down.

Meanwhile I'm in my mid-thirties, not interested in marriage, let alone having children, but then I had the enlightening influence of finding Childfree comms on LJ that let me know it is not a bad thing if I never have children. I just wish I could have a cat though. There is no age limit on being a Mad Cat Lady.

[(Anonymous)]

It's hard but not impossible unless you had a low egg count or hitting menopause. IIRC, you have on average 30% chance to get preggers in your late 30s. Every person is different.

[(Anonymous)]

More like between 60% and 75%, depending on which study you're looking at.

[(Anonymous)]

And depending if you're using assisted fertility technology.

[iceyred]

If it makes you feel any better, my mom had me when she was 38. I was an unexpected surprise.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry that happened to you, but it's not impossible for everyone.
My mom was 44 when she had me and she didn't have access to lots of doctors. Yet there weren't issues.

[(Anonymous)]

My mother had me and my siblings at 39, 41 and 43 (me at 43) - after being told that she wouldn't be able to have children. Strange things happen, anon. But I am sorry to hear that.

[(Anonymous)]

Welp, I'm 37 and started IVF treatment just yesterday so I'm crossing my fingers! Not doing it cos of definite infertility, but cos I've run out of/am sick of the options for private arrangements for decent sperm donors and have some money and my govt subsidises it. I'm sorry you definitely can't :( :( If I can't I'll just have to live with it. My partner already has a kid, so there's that.

[(Anonymous)]

In my case, I wasted my 20s and early 30s getting a degree I'll never use in a field I ended up hating. I wasn't even thinking about kids back then. If you'd asked me, I would have sworn I never wanted children. Now I do. And now it's too late. :(

I just wish I could find a way to stop regretting.

[(Anonymous)]

Do you want them because you can't have them? I'm not being snide, it's just that I've been in the same situation of not wanting kids (and I still don't, and it's about too late for me to have them anyway). So what changed?

Regrets are useless, it doesn't change anything, but if you really DO want children, why not consider adoption? You can still raise a child and be a parent if that's what you really want.

[(Anonymous)]

Adoption is really much, much harder than having a bio child.

[(Anonymous)]

This won't make you feel better, but infertility at 37 is relatively uncommon (it's around 16%, while infertility rates from 20-29 are around 8-12%, for comparison). This rises sharply towards one's 40s, of course, but my own mother had me at 37 - and her sister started her family at 39, with three kids. Our stories are just anecdotes, but statistically speaking, waiting until 37 won't be a death sentence for babies for the vast majority of women. (45, on the other hand, absolutely will be barring medical intervention.)

[(Anonymous)]

i'm sorry that happened to you, anon. my mom was 36 when she started having kids, and my youngest sister, born when she was 40, has down's syndrome. it's really unfortunate but age is a big risk factor for that in particular, and much of the reason i don't want to wait that long.

[(Anonymous)]

As someone with a disability myself, I am really scared of having a child with a disability. I have just about enough energy to raise a healthy child semi-well, and no more. If/when I get pregnant at my age, I'm going to get all the tests for Down's and abort if so, but it's still a lottery.

I mean, kids with Down's are lovely, but they require SO much energy lifelong, and that's precisely the thing I lack, not love.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, everyone is commenting about the literal ability to conceive in your 40's but that's not really the problem with waiting that long to have kids.

[(Anonymous)]

Within my immediate family, both my grandmothers, my mother and five of my aunts have all had healthy children when they were anywhere between 38 and 44. There is still hope for you - it isn't impossible.