fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2605 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2605 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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02.

[Slenderman]

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03.

[Saints Row 3]

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04.

[Doctor Who]

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05.

[Welcome to Night Vale, My Mad Fat Diary]

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06.

[The Middle]

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07.

[Steven Universe]

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08.

[Kyuhyun and Seohyun]

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09.

[Disney]

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[Teen Wolf]

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11.

[Thor: Dark World]

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[The Avengers/Clark Gregg]

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13.

[Teen Wolf]

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14.

[Hannibal]

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15.

[Fate/Stay Night]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 036 secrets from Secret Submission Post #372.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think I'm a lot prettier than a lot of people and people tell me I'm really nice and cute and people tend to like me a lot irl. So, I wonder why I don't have many friends or why no one has ever asked me on date or hit on me. What's the deal?

Do you get out much?

People who more social will get asked out more by virtue of being around more people.

Not if you're the ugly friend. I was always the ugly friend and It doesn't matter how much people like you, you're shit out of luck. My mom gets hit on before I do. (Not that my mom's ugly, because she's not, but it doesn't how social you are when you hanging with more attractive people.)

Repeating what the anon above said. Do you get out much? There's plenty of pretty people out there, and the reason some of the shy ones might not get dates is because they don't show enough interest in other people to give them the courage to ask them out. A pretty face isn't all that's going to land you a date. You need to engage with people and be friendly enough where they get the initiative that you're interested.

Probably because you think you're better than people.

You might just be an asshole.

People tell OP they like them and think they're nice, but you think OP thinks they're better than everyone?

You're just jealous because people like OP.

OP claims that people like her, yet also complains that she has no friends. It sounds as though her contacts with other people are mostly casual and superficial; it's easy to be pleasant then. Friendship is much more demanding, a sterner test of how good a person you are--at least, of how good a person you are to your friends, since I'm well aware that there are some people out there who are assholes and yet have friends.

Also, the fact that the first thing the OP says of herself is "I'm prettier than other people"--as if that made her worthier--tells pretty heavily against her.

Being nice* and cute is a good start to making friends, but if you want to keep them, you've got to bring more to the table. I had a friend like this once. She was freaking adorable and nice and hilariously funny... but she was also flaky and somewhat immature. You couldn't rely on her for anything: projects, keeping confidences, being sensitive about your problems, your schedule, your emotional fragility, etc. She was the kind of person who's fun to chat to as long as she's being entertained or helped in some way, but it's purely a one-way street. She can't help you. She probably won't even stick around to hear the problem, not even as a sympathetic listener. It just wasn't in her to do this, and all the physical beauty and wit in the world doesn't make up for that.

She often wondered aloud why she makes a lot of friends, but they don't stick around. I never told her why, because it'd only upset her and she wouldn't change, anyway. Most people are unaware of the aspects of their behavior/personality that are off-putting. If you're serious about wanting to know, it's probably time to take an objective assessment of yourself. If you know at least one person whose judgement you trust and who'd be willing to be honest with you, ask them and don't blow up in their face if/when their answer is painful. Good luck, anon.

* and this is a very imprecise, vague term. Damn near everyone thinks they're basically nice, but how many people actually are?

Plus, "nice" is a far cry from good. It's easy to be nice--as long as everything is easy for you.

Some don't want a nice friend. I'm nice, but I'm kinda not much fun, for ex. Also it helps to make a first move. Good luck!

Friendship is a too-way street: it's not that you walk through life and these creatures called "friends" magically cling on to you. So, if people are telling you you're nice, or you're pretty, then YES you have had people make a gesture towards being your friend (or maybe those people telling you how cute you are were actually - gasp! - trying to flit with you!).

The thing to do when people open things like that is to find something you like about them and say it BACK. And then maybe offer to spend time together doing some mutual thing.

Or, when someone you think is cute mentions that YOU'RE cute - yeah, then the ball's in your court and you have to volley it back if you want things to escalate to a flirtation.

Look at it from the other way - if you found somebody you wanted to convince to be your friend, and you told them how nice they were, and they simple muttered "thanks" and then walked away, you'd quit, right? Or if you thought somebody else was hot and took the effort to say, "Hey, you're so cute!" and they just brushed it off, you'd feel rejected and move on, no?

[ SECRET POST #2605 ]

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