fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2617 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2617 ⌋

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I never want to do anything. I used to like going out, going shopping, going to movies with friends. But now it's like, whenever I have to leave the house, I always get a flash in my head thinking about if it's possible to cancel it. I try to maintain friendships and when I'm actually hanging out with someone, I have fun, but it's like motivating myself to do stuff is hard. And I don't have a lot of friends, surprise.

I don't think I'm unhappy, though. I used to struggle with depression and was on medication, but I'm off it now. I don't really feel sad or critical of myself in the way I used to, and I'm not shy like I used to be. I have goals, a job, and I want to be an author and spend a lot of my free time writing. But I also feel insecure about the fact that I don't have a lot of friends - not because I feel like I need the company, more just I feel like I must seem like a loser.

Do I have a problem, or am I just an introvert? :( I just like writing, gaming, and interneting. It just becomes a problem when I keep putting off errands.

Kind of sounds like depression, to be honest. Depression doesn't automatically = feeling sad, sometimes it manifests in that blah nothingness and sometimes isolation like you're describing can be a part of it.

Do you feel like this is impacting your life negatively? Is it causing you to not be able to do things in your daily routine? Is it affecting your ability to interact socially?

From what you've said, it just seems like you're an introvert, anon. And that's okay. Social interaction is exhausting for introverted people, and there is no rule about how much time you need to spend around people to have fulfilling friendships.

I don't think it impacts my life negatively, per se. I just put off doing things a lot. Scheduling appointments is obnoxious, and shopping for necessities is a pain and I put it off until I absolutely can't anymore - but it's not like I'd put my health or hygiene at risk.

When I had bad depression, I was similar. Didn't want to do anything, quit all the extracurricular stuff I did - but then, I also spent a lot of time beating myself up, both emotionally and physically. I feel like now I lack the sadness and have more of a sense of self worth, but the lack of motivation to do stuff is still there. It bothers me that I don't have more friends, and occasionally I have bouts of sadness about that (I think residual insecurity from when I was shy and friendless throughout early gradeschool), but I do have a couple good friends so it's not like I'm totally alone.

I must just be an introvert. But I just feel like, I'm a 24 year old girl and I need a new outfit or two, why is it so much effort to go out shopping for clothes or whatever. People are supposed to enjoy this stuff! :-/

Thanks for the comment.

Hahaha oh even extroverted people find scheduling appointments to be obnoxious, don't you worry about that.

The most important thing I hope you take away from this is there is no rule about actually enjoying what you are "supposed" to enjoy. Plenty of people don't like shopping for clothes, and just because you are a 20-something girl, doesn't mean you automatically must like doing stereotypical 20-something girl things.

The only thing I would caution you about is that if you have had depression in the past to be sure that if you do start to reach a point where you feel like you're getting lethargic to the point where you can't perform daily tasks anymore, you go back to your psychiatrist and do something about it; unfortunately, introversion and depression are often fairly highly correlated.

However! If, as of now, you say you're feeling okay then I'm inclined to agree that you're probably feeling ok. You just might be a bit confused about the life experience you actually want vs. the life experience social stereotypes say you should want.

Live how you want to live, OP!

I just put off doing things a lot. Scheduling appointments is obnoxious, and shopping for necessities is a pain and I put it off until I absolutely can't anymore - but it's not like I'd put my health or hygiene at risk.

I do exactly the same. Seems normal to me.

the lack of motivation to do stuff is still there

I've never had it and used to worry that I wasn't normal. But everyone's different. Think about it this way: you have so much more time for your solitary hobbies.

why is it so much effort to go out shopping for clothes or whatever. People are supposed to enjoy this stuff!

Many people don't enjoy that stuff. It's really a huge con. Clothes shops and the women's magazine industry spends a lot of money trying to convince us that it's fun to spend. Why would they need all the ads and expensive shop fittings and expensive women's magazine ads if shopping were actually inherently fun? Wouldn't we just go out and do it without the advertising?

Shopping as a leisure activity is a hobby like any other, same as birdwatching or writing fanfic. Some people are going to like it and others not.

Really, you're not alone.

It sounds like you are an introvert, but for some reason are insecure about it. You don't need to buy into the idea that you need a lot of friends to be a normal, happy, functioning person.

I find that the more I don't go out, the easier it is not to go out. Inertia, I suppose. If you're content with how you've been spending your time, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If you thing you really would be happier going out more like you used to, then and only then would I say you should.

I don't like going out either. That flash in the head offering excuses each time I have agreed to a social obligation is so familiar. Nice way of putting it.

Unless you actually want more friends than you have, and feel the lack, there's no problem. In ten years time, would you rather look back and say 'I wrote this amount' or 'I had this amount of friends I spent time with'? With me, the writing always wins.

If you partied all the time and never sat down and created other people would call you a loser instead. Not that I'm saying having friends is a waste of time, just there's room for different people in this world.

If you wanted to write yet also wanted lots of going out, now that would be a problem. Writing is a sedentary, solitary pursuit.

I do force myself into a certain level of interaction though, about once a month for a few hours, just to keep myself sane. Not enough for other people's tastes, but I'm happy as I am.

The errands thing... I'm exactly the same. Shopping, I mostly do online. But I still have to deal with deliveries and paperwork/dentist etc. The way I get through it is to promise myself a treat if I do them.

The funny thing is people who only know me slightly never believe I'm an introvert. I'm just a really loud, over-confident introvert. Apparently that's not allowed. Introverts have to be quiet and shy at all costs or else they're not allowed to prefer to be left alone.

Super late reply, but there is such a thing as a loud and confident introvert. Just because you navigate social situations in the same way as an extrovert might doesn't mean that you don't still need that time alone to recharge. (I have the same experience; my coworkers and patients don't believe I'm a introvert either.)

It's not about how comfortable you are or aren't with other people; it's how you relax and recharge. Just because something is fun and enjoyable doesn't mean it isn't also exhausting, and vice versa.

[ SECRET POST #2617 ]

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