Case (
case) wrote in
fandomsecrets2014-03-20 06:51 pm
[ SECRET POST #2634 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2634 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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[Lady Gaga]
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[free!, attack on titan]
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(Panic! at the Disco)
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[Anarky]
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(Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)
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[Frozen]
Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 013 secrets from Secret Submission Post #376.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Re: Let's talk about big cocks
(Anonymous) 2014-03-21 04:04 am (UTC)(link)I hope the men you meet become more mature, or just nicer about this. Some women can't do vaginal at all due to health reasons, so how would they deal with that?
Not to be too flip about this, but have you tried dating people of different nationalities? Different cultures vary. I married a foreigner, from a country famed for their sexual openness, and that worked for me. He just doesn't care what we do most of the time, as long as it's something, and we discuss it incessantly before and after, lol. The other side of sexual openness is communication. Otherwise both of us get hung up about what we're 'supposed' to do.
The discussions seemed really unnecessary to me when we started. I was used to thinking of sex as something spontaneous that just happened. Which is fine at the start of a fling, but it only works up to a point, because then ruts start appearing and you do things because you think that's what everyone else does. I think men can be particularly susceptible to this; there's various studies showing men react more badly to peer pressure in general.
I wouldn't worry if your pain is psychological or not. You're experiencing it, which is all that matters for practical purposes.
Re: Let's talk about big cocks
(Anonymous) 2014-03-21 04:40 am (UTC)(link)Unfortunately I haven't, and not even from differing cultures really. Pretty much everyone I've dated was born and raised in the area I live in now which is pretty conservative and religious (although I'm not, at all). Because of that some guys want to do anal because it's forbidden or whatever but they only want it as long as the girl DOESN'T want it and then other guys want no part of it because they've been raised to believe that it's wrong in some way. I would like to try dating someone with a bit of a different background but that's kind of hard since there isn't a ton of variety in culture where I live.
I think communication sounds like a great thing but unfortunately I only seem to come across the type of guy that doesn't really want to do much of it. Finding someone sexually compatible would be awesome and the world is a big enough place that I'm sure there's someone out there somewhere. But I've found those studies to be right, guys are too worried about what they think they SHOULD want/like sexually rather than what they ACTUALLY like so it's next to impossible to have an honest discussion about it.
I guess, it's just weird not knowing the cause, and it's kind of annoying since it's not all the time so it's not even a consistent issue.
Re: Let's talk about big cocks
(Anonymous) 2014-03-21 04:57 am (UTC)(link)I also grew up in a religious area. There were two main approaches to anal from guys. Either they wanted it, because contraception was forbidden, and almost impossible to buy if you weren't married. They were the daring, rakish minority. Others didn't even consider anal, they were too busy trying to persuade you to blow them, and then hide it from their church that they were having sex at all.
they only want it as long as the girl DOESN'T want it
Well, that's just completely disgusting and unacceptable. Unfortunately I can picture it all too easily. A lot of young men egg each other on to pressurise women into sex, as if it's some badge of honour to be unpleasant.
I think nobody does communication well when they're young. There's this romantic ideal that love and sex don't have to be worked at. Luckily some people mature enough to realise how much better it can be when you're not shooting in the dark.
A sweeping generalisation to make, but yeah, travel a bit.
Re: Let's talk about big cocks
(Anonymous) 2014-03-21 05:26 am (UTC)(link)I think there's definitely a certain element of control to it, like the fact that they're making a girl do something she doesn't want to do is what gets them off. But when the girl is wanting it and enjoying it then suddenly they don't find it appealing anymore. Which, yeah, is kind of fucked up.
That's pretty much how it's always been for me. There's this attitude that I think you mentioned before, that sex should always be spontaneous and romantic and it almost ruins it if you talk about it.
I've said that the next relationship I get into I want to have an honest discussion about sex early on so we're on the same page. I know so many people who have issues with their sex lives because they were afraid to talk to their partner about what they wanted.
Yeah, I think you're right. It sounds like traveling is a good option!