[ SECRET POST #2636 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2636 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Pinocchio]













Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 086 secrets from Secret Submission Post #377.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

08. http://i.imgur.com/iZFRYPd.jpg

[kaijinscendre]

It is actually really easy to fake enthusiasm for a fandom. Wikipedia and news stories are your friend! Or, just find something else you two have in common to talk about.

[(Anonymous)]

I think that's the problem, that they used to talk about things other than their shared fandom and now the friend isn't talking at all...

[dreemyweird]

IDK, I can never fake interest in anything. If I'm indifferent to a subject, it is going to be about as obvious as the inappropriateness of running around stark naked. No matter how much research I do.

[fingalsanteater]

Ha, me too. I'm just like "Oh" and "Uh huh" noncommittally because if I don't care about something then it's really hard for me to fake it.

[(Anonymous)]

Virtually every time I've tried this I wind up with actual enthusiasm, at least temporarily.

The only thing it doesn't really work with is sports, and that's mostly because I can't seem follow the content well enough to actually retain any of the information.

[kaijinscendre]

Fake it until you make it!

[silverr]

It is no fun to want to burble about something and have no one to burble with. But maybe there's hope: if you still see them, at least it means that they've not hit you with the "invisible while online" bat. ~ Is it at all possible they're waiting for you to make the first move and break the awkward chat silence? ~ If so, send them a link to something not quite so fannish ... cute baby animals, a good news article, an editorial about Welsh strip-mining, something to break the ice.

P.S. OP, if your picture is related to your secret, you can IM me any time, for I too have become disconnected from former chatmates over my lack of enthusiasm about Hiddleston and MCU Loki.

[sparklywalls]

This secret sort of got me because I found it sort of happening to me (though there's a happy ending...stay with me.) I always felt that in terms of friendships started by a mutual love of something could survive changes in your interests because I thought that you just become friends in general. And I sort of did with a couple of people but they stayed in love with the band that brought us together a lot longer than I did and felt like they couldn't talk to me anymore (by their own admission) and I sort of went "oh..." because I thought our bond was more than a band. Anyway we drifted apart.

Well one of them, who I will add was a very good IRL friend about a decade ago, stayed in touch to the point where we still email occasionally. She even sent my a Christmas gift for the first time in years because "I saw this and thought of you" so I have a cushion with some gorgeous Loki art on it now thanks to her. Though I will admit I feel strange about having it on my sofa sometimes (wondering if it freaks people out!) it is really lovely art - and in a way it helped her reconnect with me properly because one day she decided to give the Thor films a try and lucky for me she LOVED THEM. And now we're talking properly again. Not just about the MCU, but stuff in general. It made me realise it was also MY fault we'd drifted apart and now I want to make the effort to stay in touch.

Tl;dr sometimes people drift apart in fannish circles but sometimes they'll come back. I hope you and your friend will be in the latter category. Also I don't think you should feel you have to pretend to be interested in something if you're not.

[(Anonymous)]

his popularity is still a mystery for me

[diet_poison]

I get why he's popular, and I even like him, but I do not understand being obsessed with him.

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt

hormones

[diet_poison]

haha...yeah. I guess there's a disconnect for me with that because I have never found a celebrity attractive enough for my hormones to kick in and instigate "omg obsession". Not necessarily because they're all ugly (Loki is prettier than most - and yes, I meant Loki, he's nicer-looking in costume, which is also something I often think of live-action characters) but because idk, I can't crush on someone I don't know.

[sparklywalls]

I like him too but I've said before that the arguments (which may be connected to the obsession) that amount to "everything is Odin/Thor/etc's fault and he just needs a hug!" really confuse me because I wonder "am I the only one who enjoys this character but still thinks he's not a particularly nice person?"

[nightscale]

I'm certainly someone who enjoys him because he's such a spiteful little shit, not despite it, I like to think that the other kinds of fans are just really, really loud rather than the majority(because really?). Like man I love the dude but Thor and Odin are not responsible for Loki's actions.

[sparklywalls]

I actually think the people making excuses seem to have died down a little post-Dark World. Not sure why that is but I am seeing less of it. Hopefully more people have realised that you can like a character who has a nasty streak and does horrible things and it doesn't say anything about you, so you don't need to try and deflect said character's obvious issues onto anyone else.

I've always liked villains though so I got over that issue a long time ago. Maybe I'm being unfair on people who've never really liked a villain before?

[diet_poison]

Maybe, but they've had a very long time by now to figure it out. |D

[nyxelestia]

Eh, I've never been particularly slanted towards villains and I always thought it was pretty obvious.

I think it has more to do with woobification - it's easier to like a woobie than other types of characters, and easy to like someone who has a "good personality" regardless of the bad they do (and hate someone with a "bad personality" regardless of the good they do).

I also suspect that in many ways, people identified more with Loki (in an "underdog of the family and always feeling second-best to someone else" kind of way), so they projected their own personal issues onto him, one which got confounded when the "Marvel Asgardians hate intellectuals" stereotype of a few decades ago morphed it all into "Loki was hated because he was brains instead of brawn/favored a less-used weapon and strategy over the dominant one", something which again many people in fandom identified with more.

I'm with you and nightscale in liking him because he is such an asshole, not in spite of it. I like a redeemed asshole way more than "secretly woobie all along", especially if they aren't all that redeemed. I think it adds more weight to Loki's actions in Thor 2 that he still loves his mother dearly and wanted to avenge her despite all his other issues and what he's done, than if he'd been a "secret woobie/misunderstood all along" type. A "good guy" avenging his mom is expected, a "bad guy" avenging his mom is interesting. :P

[elialshadowpine]

Totally with all of your last paragraph. I dislike woobification, but I think Loki's a very interesting character and like him because of his character. I'm quite interested to see where they go with the storyline as per the end of Dark World.

[diet_poison]

I'm sorry that happened, OP. Being blown off by a friend sucks so hard.

[elaminator]

It's always sad when this happens.

:(

However, if the person in question doesn't want to talk about anything outside of fandom and you don't even share the same fandoms, it might be time to find new friends. I'd suggest mentioning this to them, seeing if maybe there's more going on than you know, but I don't think faking interest in something so you can stay friends is going to work. And I'm not sure it's worth it even if it would.

[(Anonymous)]

As someone who's been on the other side of a situation like this more than once--yeah, it sucks. But for some of us the only way we really know how to build and maintain a friendship is with a strong common interest as the foundation. Call it a critical gap in our personalities that needs that shared fandom obsession to fill it--something to provide fodder for discussion when we run out of things to say about real life, or an escape hatch from topics or situations we find uncomfortable or distressing.

I don't want to speculate about your friend, but I know in my case there's been ample circumstantial evidence piling up for years that I fall somewhere on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum. (Since before these things were recognized or understood as they are today, sadly, or something might've been done about it while I was still young enough.) Relating to people can be very difficult, even when I think they're very nice people and enjoy their company, and fandom provides a much-needed bridge that I sometimes think is the only reason I ever have any friends at all.

Anyway, my point is, your friend may still like you very much, but may have genuine trouble being a friend for whatever reason when that fandom crutch is taken away.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't understand why so many commenters on this secret want OP to make all the effort.

You don't just drop a friend because you have a new obsession. Yeah, so it sucks to like something and not have anyone to squee with, but that doesn't mean you give your friends the choice to either like the same thing or just drop them. You fucking make time to talk to them about something that's not your newest obsession or at least don't make the entire conversation about it. There's got to be some give and take.

OP, I'm sorry, but maybe this person isn't as good a friend as you thought they were. It certainly sounds like a very one-sided, possibly exploitative and unhealthy friendship.

[(Anonymous)]

I knew someone whom I considered a friend, in the sense that we could and did talk about virtually anything, not just our common fandom. Then she discovered Teen Wolf, and dropped her previous fandoms. It was like she joined a nunnery (a cloistered one dedicated to St. Sterek the Hot). And I wasn't one of the faithful.

I'm glad I didn't fake an interest in a fandom I don't like just to artificially sustain such a fragile friendship. Meh, interests wax and wane, I get that. I now realize it wasn't much of a friendship to begin with.

Just fake enthusiasm to get through the door.

[nyxelestia]

Basically, for a little way, pretend to be as mindlessly enthusiastic as your friend (assuming it's Loki/Hiddleston, this is actually pretty easy). Then slowly use the "shared" obsession to inch your friend away towards other topics, the kind of stuff you used to talk about. :)

ETA: given some of the other responses - maybe the friend was a sucky friend. Or maybe they're just really caught up in this new obsession. Depending on how long you two have been friends, I'd be willing to bet money that the crazy obsession is kind of a long phase in and of itself and will eventually pass. Whether or not to put in the effort is up to you.