fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2638 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2638 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Some of the comments so far are kinda what I meant by noone believing me - it seems ridiculous, right? People can't imagine what I mean.

To clarify a little: about ten years ago I was being sexually abused and fic became my escape. Ever since then it has become my refuge, obviously there's nothing wrong with that. The problem is that as time goes on I am finding it harder and harder to disengage from the Universe of whatever fandom I'm currently in to deal with real life stuff - everyday stressful things like paying bills. At the same time it's taking progressively less stress to send me away mentally. I have less and less control over it and while I'm in that headspace I won't come out of it for food, water or other urgent needs.

Okay so having written this up it's obviously about escapism and fic is just my focus for it. I just... I really don't know what to do.

Echoing what several people above said about therapy. It's okay to talk to a professional about the kind of issues you're having. That's literally what they exist for. It sounds, from your description, like the fic addiction (Affiction? No, that doesn't work...) is just how some more serious stuff happens to manifest.

+1 to all of this

I hope things get better, OP - a professional can definitely help.

OP

Thanks, diet_poison.

♥

Thanks, anon. I'm reluctant to have therapy because I do not know how to explain this. Fandom and fic are quite unique experiences and I think there's a good chance that a therapist would sideline it as porn.

The thing that helped me when I was trying to talk myself into therapy was the thought that no matter how bad off I think I am, pretty much any therapist I go to has probably seen worse and they weren't even judging them. These are people who decided on a career to help people with anxiety problems like yours. They want to help and I'm sure fandom is not the weirdest coping mechanism they've seen.

If you're really worried about it, you can just say that you read stories on the internet. You only have to tell them as much as you want to.

That's the other thing that helped me. You have control over the experience. You decide what problem you want to work on and you decide what information you want to give them. Sometimes it works better if you give information even when you're uncomfortable but you can see how it goes if you only give them a watered down version at first.

A good therapist wouldn't. I've recently started talking to my therapist about how fandom relates to my issues with anxiety and I'm so glad I did. Yes, it's sort of awkward and hard to explain, but any therapist worth their salt wouldn't automatically cast judgment on it. The only assumption my therapist made about my fandom activities was thinking "roleplay" was WOW-type RPGs when I first mentioned it, haha. But nothing bad.

And don't be afraid to try more than one therapist if the first person you see isn't a good fit. Good relationship is everything.

You don't even have to say it's fan fic, just explain that you're using fiction as an escape, you read instead of doing necessary stuff, etc. If they assume you're plowing your way through the local library's collection, it probably won't affect the help they can offer.

I don't know, I think if you're going to see a therapist, you should not hide details.

I would find it easy to explain that fanfiction is, first and foremost, fans writing extra stories ("extra" to canon) based on their favourite piece of media. If the idea they might jump to the thought of porn first worries you, concentrate on the idea of "Further Stories" or "Alternate Versions" or "Missing Scenes" before you make mention of the romance factor.

I have a similar problem with addiction to fanfic and fandom in general. It's awful, and I've never mentioned it for the same reason - people tend to think it's ridiculous and not believe me or just roll their eyes at me. But it is a serious problem. I am not living my life, all I'm doing is reading fic after fic after fic and obsessing about fandom and I can't seem to figure out how to stop.

One way I've at least stopped temporarily is getting different add-ons and programs that block sites. It doesn't solve the issue but it helps kick me out sometimes and might be something that could help you.

Good luck.

I'm going to agree on the therapy (if you are in a situation where it's an option), but just in case it isn't...maybe tell someone else about your problem, someone you can trust and who might help make you 'accountable' for certain things in RL? Who might call and remind you that you need to do this or that, so if you forget (or just decide "No, I don't want to do this") you'll have someone to 'answer' to? IDK how well it would work, but I guess it couldn't hurt?

I believe you, OP. I get more immersed in fandom the more depressed I get and that sometimes affects my life. I can envision a scenario in which I get really obsessed and that obsession is a huge huge problem.

I really hope you can get some help, OP. *hugs*

I went through that about ten years ago (although mine was more depression than anxiety). I even tried to go to therapy. (But the grad school I was at stuck me in group therapy, which was useless and made me give up.) I had a really hellish year, that ended up with me dropping out of school and sinking really low. Thankfully I managed to pull myself out of it. And at this point in my life I'm at a better place (and coincindentally, I'm reading much less fanfic). I don't really have any advice to offer, but just know that I don't think you are ridiculous and I totally understand and empathize. I really hope that you find a way through this (whether it is therapy or whatever) that works for you.

I'm really glad things got better for you, anon. :( Sorry you went through that (especially group therapy - sometimes that can just make things worse instead of better).

[ SECRET POST #2638 ]

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