[ SECRET POST #2638 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2638 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 055 secrets from Secret Submission Post #377.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

11. http://i57.tinypic.com/jadfs7.png

[(Anonymous)]

Got a therapist? If you can get one, that might be a good place to start.

[chardmonster]

Spoken like someone who never needs to hide their power level.

OP, the beautiful thing about fic is that absolutely nobody ever has to know you read it. You are not wearing a scarlet letter because you're suddenly into Korra slash and binged last night. You are not bringing a bound copy of When Hannibal Met Sonic to school with you. Your secret is safe!

Is this really ruining your life? Or are you worrying about nothing? Its easy to do that, but take a moment and breathe.

Also: if you reading fic would "embarass your boyfriend" to the point where its a problem, DUMP THE ASSHOLE.

[(Anonymous)]

I got the impression it was "ruining OP's life" in the sense that she can't stop reading it and it was getting in the way of other hobbies/commitments, not that she was embarrased about reading it.

That may be my bias speaking, as I used to use reading fic as a means of offsetting anxiety, and as a result read fic when I was supposed to be studying or sleeping. Fic was lovely and funny and made me feel good, but it's an awful feeling to have something eating away your time and to feel powerless to stop doing it.

OP - I feel for you. Maybe what your brain needs is a kickstart. Go for a long walk outside, take your boyfriend to the movies or an amusement park - anything to remind yourself that there's a good world outside of fiction too, and that you want to be a part of it.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

Obviously, whether fanfic is really ruining their life or not, they're very unhappy with themselves and their life. A therapist could provide some perspective.

[(Anonymous)]

This answer sounds like it's coming from someone who is blind to their own obsession with fic.

And yes, dump someone over one insignificant thing, that's really good advice. *rolls eyes*

[riddian]

You are not bringing a bound copy of When Hannibal Met Sonic to school with you.

Oh damn, am I the only one who does that then?

[(Anonymous)]

Take the A-train to Therapist City and get off at Anxiety Avenue Station, hon.

[(Anonymous)]

I know what you mean. I read fic instead of doing hw and I get screwed later. Ugh.

[(Anonymous)]

I also know what you mean, but honestly; you think if fic didn't exist, you'd just do all your homework? Or would you find another way of procrastinating? :)

[diet_poison]

haha this is me. fic is not necessarily to blame. That doesn't mean you don't have a problem though (I know I do).

[mautradutor]

What do you mean when you say you are addicted? Maybe it's not so bad as you think, both in the sense that maybe you are not really addicted and that maybe people will not care as much as you think.

Also, I think we all have things that we enjoy what we do not share with all people. You do not have to tell some people that this is your interest, and there is no shame in that.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not exactly sure how (reading?) fic could ruin someone's life.

Really, I'm trying to think of how. Even if they read so much that they stop eating, washing, etc, wouldn't that just be a symptom of some other deeper problems?

OP, you say you're worried no one will believe you, but it's hard to understand without more details.

Right now, it's coming across more that a) you're embarrassed to be reading fic in the first place, and b) you're trying to avoid certain stressful activities in your life with the escapism of reading.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Some of the comments so far are kinda what I meant by noone believing me - it seems ridiculous, right? People can't imagine what I mean.

To clarify a little: about ten years ago I was being sexually abused and fic became my escape. Ever since then it has become my refuge, obviously there's nothing wrong with that. The problem is that as time goes on I am finding it harder and harder to disengage from the Universe of whatever fandom I'm currently in to deal with real life stuff - everyday stressful things like paying bills. At the same time it's taking progressively less stress to send me away mentally. I have less and less control over it and while I'm in that headspace I won't come out of it for food, water or other urgent needs.

Okay so having written this up it's obviously about escapism and fic is just my focus for it. I just... I really don't know what to do.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

Echoing what several people above said about therapy. It's okay to talk to a professional about the kind of issues you're having. That's literally what they exist for. It sounds, from your description, like the fic addiction (Affiction? No, that doesn't work...) is just how some more serious stuff happens to manifest.

Re: OP

[diet_poison]

+1 to all of this

I hope things get better, OP - a professional can definitely help.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks, anon. I'm reluctant to have therapy because I do not know how to explain this. Fandom and fic are quite unique experiences and I think there's a good chance that a therapist would sideline it as porn.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

I have a similar problem with addiction to fanfic and fandom in general. It's awful, and I've never mentioned it for the same reason - people tend to think it's ridiculous and not believe me or just roll their eyes at me. But it is a serious problem. I am not living my life, all I'm doing is reading fic after fic after fic and obsessing about fandom and I can't seem to figure out how to stop.

One way I've at least stopped temporarily is getting different add-ons and programs that block sites. It doesn't solve the issue but it helps kick me out sometimes and might be something that could help you.

Good luck.

Re: OP

[elaminator]

I'm going to agree on the therapy (if you are in a situation where it's an option), but just in case it isn't...maybe tell someone else about your problem, someone you can trust and who might help make you 'accountable' for certain things in RL? Who might call and remind you that you need to do this or that, so if you forget (or just decide "No, I don't want to do this") you'll have someone to 'answer' to? IDK how well it would work, but I guess it couldn't hurt?

Re: OP

[lunabee34]

I believe you, OP. I get more immersed in fandom the more depressed I get and that sometimes affects my life. I can envision a scenario in which I get really obsessed and that obsession is a huge huge problem.

I really hope you can get some help, OP. *hugs*

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

I went through that about ten years ago (although mine was more depression than anxiety). I even tried to go to therapy. (But the grad school I was at stuck me in group therapy, which was useless and made me give up.) I had a really hellish year, that ended up with me dropping out of school and sinking really low. Thankfully I managed to pull myself out of it. And at this point in my life I'm at a better place (and coincindentally, I'm reading much less fanfic). I don't really have any advice to offer, but just know that I don't think you are ridiculous and I totally understand and empathize. I really hope that you find a way through this (whether it is therapy or whatever) that works for you.

[(Anonymous)]

Funny, I have the opposite problem. I used to spend most of my free time reading fic (as an extension of just reading), then gradually I stopped. It got to the point where I couldn't concentrate long enough to read even a short ficlet from my favorite author and when I tried to force myself, it felt like a chore rather than a pleasure. It was a big factor in me seeking out help. Of the whole mess of problems I have, one of the first things I said to my therapist was "I can't read anymore".

While we have opposite situations, the feeling that part of your life that you used to enjoy has gone sour and is now out of your control sucks ass. Get help, OP, and if you are getting help and aren't getting better then seek out better help. You deserve better, OP, you deserve to be in control of your life and to get a satisfactory level of enjoyment out of your hobbies, rather than letting them control you.

[(Anonymous)]

It's called, you grew out of it. It happens to all of us at one point, where other things grab our focus instead.

[gondremark]

There's nothing wrong with a bit of escapism. Fancy, well respected escapism. Cheap and pointless escapism. It doesn't matter, it's supposed to be a much needed break from the trudge of reality, so go ahead and indulge.
And if your boyfriend is really so much of an ass that him finding out you read fanfic would cause relationship problems, find yourself a better boyfriend.

But on the other hand, like everyone else is pointing out, if you're reading escapist fiction to the exclusion of sustaining yourself (eg reading instead of going to work, doing your homework, eating decent meals) then there's a much larger problem at hand than your love of fanfic, and a therapist will be able to help you get on track again.

Thanks everyone

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks everyone for all of the good advice on this thread. <3 I have a lot to think about. It's been therapeutic in and of itself to read people's comments and to find out that other people have had similar experiences.