fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2661 ]

[ SECRET POST #2661 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2661 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Injustice: Gods Among Us]

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03.

[Game of Thrones]

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04.

[William Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus]

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05.

[Welcome to Night Vale]

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06.

[Crown of Stars]

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07.

[Game of Thrones]

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08.

[Blade Runner/Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?]

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09.

[LOST]

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10.

[Riff-Raff, Rocky Horror Picture Show]

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11.

[Captain America: The Winter Soldier]

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12.

[Breaking Bad]

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13.

[Problem Sleuth]

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14.

[Doctor Who]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 034 secrets from Secret Submission Post #380.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Silly question time.

Would you like to live really close to your SO, during the first weeks/months of a relationship?

Currently, my boyfriend and I (together for about a month) live close but not too close. Big city, about an hour and a bit, by public transport (so, less since we meet halfway).
I was talking with my parents and told them I would actually be uncomfortable if we lived 15 minutes away or something that close. Because that way we could see each other all the time and we would get tired of each other. They were horrified and said I must not like him very much then.

But it's not that, I really care about him and I'd love to kiss him right now (we saw each other during the weekend, and are seeing each other again the next one), but we don't have many things we like to do, and how many times you can go and grab coffee? If we could do that multiple times a week I fear things would be tiresome after a while.

I focus on the new aspect of the relationship, because I don't feel this way with someone you know well. They mentioned people who live together, and of course, they see each other all the time, but it's not the same.

So, does anyone get what I'm saying or I'm really too weird and detached?

Honestly, seems a little detached to me, and not like a relationship that's "going anywhere" if you can't think of things you like to do together. There's nothing inherently wrong with relationships like that, but you might want to make sure you're both on the same page about what you want out of this thing.

Basically this. I don't think there's anything wrong with what you're saying, but from that, it doesn't sound like a relationship that's very invested on your end.

Not that weird, honestly. I freak out and dump anyone who I think is getting attached to me too quickly.

It almost certainly falls into the dreaded realm of commitment issues, but I just can't care enough to want to address it.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to take things so and not get too attached to someone too quickly. But at the same time if you never spend a lot of time together you're never going to work out whether this boyfriend is someone who, well, you want to spend a lot of time together with.

I don't want to read between the lines too much, but it seems like you're afraid that you'll find out you don't actually like him that much if you see him more often, and kind of want to delay that.

I...don't generally care? I focus more on how often I actually see them as opposed to how close they are, since it's perfectly possible to not see someone whose 15 minutes away often, but see someone whose farther all the time depending on circumstances.

I guess whether it's "weird" or not depends: can you see yourself spending more time with him as time goes on and things progress in your relationship? When you really think about it, do you think that there's a possibility that you will grow tired of him no matter what, and that this might just be a way to elongate the process?

Most people want to be near to the person they're dating, and want to see that person often. There are some people who are cautious in the beginning stages of a relationship and maintain space as a result (I myself am one of those people), but they can usually envision a point in the future where they will no longer feel a need to maintain said space.

Most people, if they have a sense that a relationship is going to grow tiresome, end it rather quickly. They only continue dating the other person if they can see it going somewhere, and it "going somewhere" involves not growing tired of the other person.

Maybe you are "weird." But there's not necessarily anything wrong with that. The way you negotiate relationships might just be outside of the acceptable norm. However, I would say that if, when you think about it, you really can't see yourself growing more attached to this person or taking the relationship past a certain point, that you talk with him about it. Make sure he's on the same page as you. Otherwise, if he's "most people," then you might wind up hurting him.

I don't think you're weird. I met and married my husband while we lived a significant distance apart, and he still has to travel frequently. It was and now REALLY is more distance than I would have preferred, but I could always see the value in it in for letting us grow into getting to know each other, and getting used to each other, and learning to deal with each other at a gradual pace. I've had plenty of experiences with getting sort of tired of someone before emotions had time to deepen and good relationship patterns start to gel, and I think the inability to see each other every day for every little thing helped us avoid that and instead really make the absolute most of time we do spend together.

For the first 2 years, I lived in a different country than my (now) husband and we had to fly to see each other, roughly once a month. He still spends 1/4 of his time in a different country than me, for work.

It does make for a different relationship. I've stopped feeling that aching loneliness every time he leaves, but it's still intense every time he returns.

So it's not weird to have that kind of relationship. And it can work. But I didn't actually want to live far from my boyfriend, it was us making the best of a bad situation. Although we both still like our personal space and that's healthy too.

To be honest, if you don't have that many things in common with your boyfriend, and have difficulty thinking of activities together, it's going nowhere. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Nope, that's fine. Contrary to popular depictions, you don't need to forsake personal space and/or get attached to someone's hip at the beginning (or at any stage) of a relationship. Do it the way it feels right for you, not what people say you should want or feel.

I don't think that's weird. I lived 5 min away from my first bf, but we knew each other fairly well already.

My thing is I couldn't want to date someone I didn't have enough in common with that all we could do it get coffee. idk

Are you and your boyfriend both happy and okay with your current arrangement? Then everything is fine and your parents need to chill. They have a preconceived notion of how relationships should be, and sometimes relationships do follow the idea of people being really, REALLY infatuated and not being able to stay away from one another, but that's not necessarily how ALL relationships need to be.

Some people like being in a relationship, and they also like their space. There's nothing wrong with that. The question of whether or not you're too much/not enough/just right invested in this relationship is a separate issue, and if this relationship is still relatively new, you're both probably still working through that. No biggie.

Why do you think you'd get tired of one another, though? I mean... you have to know that this is not inevitable for everyone otherwise there'd be no such thing as longterm live-in relationships or marriage, so why do you think that's inevitable for you two? That's just food for thought.

+1, everyone does relationships differently. If it works for you, it woks for you.

I'm kind of the same way, so I don't think it's weird at all to not want to see someone more than once a week early in the relationship. Heck, I dated a guy for over a year and saw him pretty much only once a week the entire time, and was perfectly fine with this.

The part that confuses me is why you'd be worried about living closer together. It's not like you *have* to see someone just because you can. Boyfriend above lived about 20 minutes away, so, yeah, we could have seen each other more often, but we didn't *want* to, so we didn't. My current boyfriend lives about the same distance away, and for about the first month or two, I probably saw him once or twice a week. Now we see each other quite a bit more than that, but it's still pretty common for us to not see each other on a Friday night even if we both are free, just because we want time to ourselves.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2661 ]

Distance in a (new) relationship (Am I weird?)

Re: Distance in a (new) relationship (Am I weird?)

Re: Distance in a (new) relationship (Am I weird?)

Re: Distance in a (new) relationship (Am I weird?)

Re: Distance in a (new) relationship (Am I weird?)

Re: Distance in a (new) relationship (Am I weird?)

Re: Distance in a (new) relationship (Am I weird?)

Re: Distance in a (new) relationship (Am I weird?)

Re: Distance in a (new) relationship (Am I weird?)

Re: Distance in a (new) relationship (Am I weird?)

Re: Distance in a (new) relationship (Am I weird?)

Re: Distance in a (new) relationship (Am I weird?)

Re: Distance in a (new) relationship (Am I weird?)

Re: Distance in a (new) relationship (Am I weird?)