[ SECRET POST #2667 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2667 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 041 secrets from Secret Submission Post #381.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

it really has to do with how much do you like the tropes. Ngl I love the "don't like each other at first, banter and snark but then fall in love" trope like you don't even know. Will watch the same Meg Ryan movie over and over again. Shame you don't share the joy, OP, but idk it seemed like you're judging other women for their preferences like they're some 'sheeple'.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

You don't get it, I have actually had friends tell me that they have difficulty handling real life relationships because they weren't like the romance movies. You can act like it's a bad thing to consider this troubling, but it's still troubling to me.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

No I get it, and really I don't think it's the movies' fault. I'm pretty sure your friend would find some other ideal to cling onto if romance movies didn't exist. It is not the fact that the ideal exists, but the fact that she has a problem negotiating with her SO what she wants out of a relationship. I will not argue that there is a lot of heteronormative bullshit in those movies, but saying a whole genre is harmful to women (who are often also the writers and producers of said genre) is kinda offensive. IDK to me it really feels just like blaming video games for violent acts.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

Look dude, she has literally said to me that romance movies are where she got most of her ideas about relationships and that she has issues dealing with it when dudes irl don't act like dudes in the movies. I'm not sure how you're assuming that the movies didn't affect her badly or why you're trying so hard to pretend that the media we consume in large quantities doesn't ever affect us. I didn't say it was harmful to all women, btw. I said it CAN be harmful to PEOPLE who internalize the unhealthy themes and ideas, like my friend did.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

I think you and your buddy both need to chill out.

Are romance movies great? Not most of them. Is idolizing Katherine Heigl a good thing? No. It's pretty clear that your friend is a little delusional, but I agree with AYRT that she'd find something else to glom onto if romance movies didn't exist. (It's not like romance novels haven't existed for 200 years or anything...)

This also doesn't deny that romance movies are generally female-centric, and they are literally the only way some female filmmakers can even stay in the industry. Some women have even seen their characters altered by producers to be almost unrecognizable when the movie comes out.

And seriously, don't police what your friend should watch/not watch. If YOU don't want to watch movies she likes, tell her it's just not your thing. If she presses you, or you feel like the relationship is just not even in the "hear her complaints" situation, maybe it's time for bygones to be bygones and let her go.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

I'd say the problem is with guys not her. If you can't find a guy that is even nice (which is pretty much all there is in romantic movie: guys who are nice, treat you right, and listen to you), then you need to be around different guys. Not get lower standards.

Living up to a romantic movie isn't hard. My BF has to be better than the guys in romantic movies, and none of them have failed me. They listen to what I want and give me what I want...that's pretty simple relationship stuff.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

It sounds like you want to blame the movies and not your friend.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

Then your friend is a moron. Does she watch fantasy movies and get disappointed when she doesn't go outside to see unicorns prancing around shitting rainbows? No? Then she is capable of separating fiction from real life. If she doesn't try when it comes to romance movies, that's her problem.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT
It's not really the same thing, though. Romance movies take place in our physical universe, so there's greater sense of realistic plausibility to them. And in Western culture (not sure where OP is from), anyway, we're kind of indoctrinated with the belief that love is the supreme accomplishment in terms of fairy tales and Disney films, that kind of thing. So to some degree, I think it is possible that someone could fall for it and expect that life is going to be like Romance Title and feel pretty disappointed when it's not.

[diet_poison]

I think that's a cute trope but it also isn't really sexist. There are tropes that are sexist/rigid. just my $0.02. a movie or genre can have some good/funny/neutral tropes and also some bad ones.