[ SECRET POST #2674 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2674 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 044 secrets from Secret Submission Post #382.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Sticky situation

[(Anonymous)]

Do you think it's possible to fall in love with two people at once, F!S?

I am still very much in love with my partner, and yet seem to have fallen hard for a friend too. This whole situation is bitterly ironic, in that I have only ever been in love with two people anyway - the two people mentioned above.

FML.

So what should I do? Make the dick move of dropping my friend out of my life with no explanation, or soldier through and pray my SO doesn't figure it out and gets hurt?

Re: Sticky situation

[(Anonymous)]

... I take it that neither honestly nor polyamory is an option?

Re: Sticky situation

[(Anonymous)]

Regrettably not. None of us are polyamorous, and the two people in question are best friends. I would rather remove myself from the equation entirely than ruin their friendship for them.

Re: Sticky situation

[(Anonymous)]

And you can't just ... care for them both? Or by love do you really mean that you want a physically intimate relationship with both?

Re: Sticky situation

[diet_poison]

I assumed that's what they meant, otherwise why would this be an issue...?

Re: Sticky situation

[(Anonymous)]

I think it's very possible. I'd say wait it out - it might just be a stupid crush (I get them all the time on my friends) that you can ignore until it fades.

Re: Sticky situation

[diet_poison]

It's not something I've ever experienced, but is it possible? Yes. Hopefully the situation will resolve itself.

Re: Sticky situation

[(Anonymous)]

It's certainly possible.
The non-dickish options I can see, which do depend on both your SO and your friend:

Try going poly. This is the hard mode option. And a lot more dependent on the other people.

Talk to your SO about your feelings for your friend. Make sure you let them know you still love them, and see if they have any suggestions or might be okay with being conditionally open.

Talk to your friend about it. Let them know you've got some feelings, and since you don't want to break up with your SO, you might need to be a bit distant for a little while while you sort your own shit out.

Re: Sticky situation

[(Anonymous)]

Distance yourself from your friend.

Re: Sticky situation

[eaten_by_bears]

Yeah, it's possible. Usually I'd recommend you nurture the love with your partner and ride out the love with your friend until it fades away. And I'd hope you could be honest with your partner while it was going on.

Re: Sticky situation

[(Anonymous)]

I think it's possible, but I don't think it happens as often as people think. At least... not in a healthy, non-destructive way. I see that polyamory isn't an option in your situation, which means that yes, a little distance from your friend might be a good idea. It doesn't have to be a dick move because surely your relationship has periods where one or the other of you is busy and you don't see each other for a while?

Do that for a month or so. Or keep in touch via e-mail or something a step or two removed from what you normally do. In the meantime, focus on other things: your hobbies and interests outside of romantic relationships, your relationship with your SO, etc. Do something with the SO that's new and fresh, like you're two people who just met and are going on a date. Don't "soldier through it" by moping around and dwelling on the issue. Give yourself some time away so that you're not right in the middle of things trying to untangle all your feels.

I say this because... well, it's a cliche that when you're in a long term relationship, sooner or later the grass is going to look greener on the other side. Most of the time it's NOT greener... it just looks like it because your relationship is a well-worn path full of unromantic things like arguments over who takes out the trash, farting in bed, and the 1001 annoying little things that get on your nerves when you've had a bad day. Romances with a person you don't have to see every morning and every night have none of that, which is why they feel more romantic. They're ripe with possibilities and because they lack the same flaws and meh bits, our imagination fills those cracks with beautiful fantasies that are easily mistaken for reality. More than one marriage has blown up over stuff like this, and I sense you don't want yours to be a casualty.

Good luck, OP.

Re: Sticky situation

[(Anonymous)]

What you said makes a lot of sense to me, and seems like the best way forward. Thank you thank you thank you.