[ SECRET POST #2704 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2704 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 022 secrets from Secret Submission Post #386.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

17. http://i57.tinypic.com/2drt2cl.png

[(Anonymous)]

Sorry, all I can think about is the PETA Super Bowl commercial that was banned.

[diet_poison]

...????

[(Anonymous)]

Potato string??

[rubbertea]

i wasn't even aware people actually used vegetables as sex toys. i thought it was just a joke.

sometimes i wish i could unlearn things...

[(Anonymous)]

Just yesterday, someone told me that a nurse acquaintance of theirs had a patient coming in with a trout in her vagina.

[(Anonymous)]

tmi but i had an ex who'd use eggs

EGGS

[kaijinscendre]

I know right? How can you use them in a salad later if you don't wrap them. Gonna fuck the taste up.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Sad to say, that did not stop Sherlock from using them as food later..... D:

[misty_anon]

You know, I think if Sherlock's gonna be shoving veggies up Dr. Watson's bum, they'd be on first name terms and he'd be thinkng of him as John.

[(Anonymous)]

THIS. Unless it's one of those weird fics where Holmes is Sherlock because they are BBC fans who have no idea about the 19th century.

/waits for that wanky FS regular to come and tell me I'm an elitisit shitstain for daring to care whether stories set in ACD canon sound even remotely plausible.

[iceyred]

God bless this secret for the responses. I love how y'all are so cavalier about sex involving vegetables.

[kallanda_lee]

Do you really want an answer to that question?

[(Anonymous)]

zucchini would be too obvious of a choice

[a_potato]

A string of...potatoes, you say?

*steeples fingers*

[loracarol]

Boil them, mash them, stick them up your ass.

[(Anonymous)]

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Thanks OP, I am dead now.

[(Anonymous)]

I need brain bleach after reading this secret.

seriously, this tops every single lube rant I've ever seen on fanficrants.

[beverlykatz]

For some ungodly reason, my mind jumped first to "if you don't get the vegetables gross, you can still use them in salad". Why this. D:

Semi-related, but everyone in this thread should check out the Chuck Palahniuk short story "Guts". The first anecdote is relevant to this. The rest... Well. Make sure you have a strong stomach. Seriously, multiple people passed out when the author read this aloud on tour. what do you mean, of course i don't try to plug this to everyone i know

[augustbird]

????
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?????

[ex_mek82]

... Nah, I still think the 'Omni Gel-as-lube' from the 'Mass Effect' fandom still is the worst thing I've heard, even if it's based on a fictional product from that particular universe.

Why? Because vegetables won't, so far as I know, seal up your holes.

[diet_poison]

1. what is a "string of potatoes"?

2. I have never given this much thought, but depending on the food wouldn't wrapping it kind of defeat the purpose?

[intrigueing]

I love you for bringing this snippet into my life, OP. :)

[seventh_seal]

I ... have no words. This secret, the potatoes, the idea of Martin Freeman's face as they are being inserted ... it's too much.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm wincing for a whole different reason.

Where I'm from, fingerling potatoes aren't the first things you think of. The potatoes I get are easily the size of my hand, so we're talking anal beads, on a fisting-size scale.

So the image of what that "string of potatoes" looks like is horrifying, wrapped or unwrapped.