[ SECRET POST #2729 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2729 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[killer is dead]


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03.
[Lackadaisy]


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04.
[Joe Trohman, Fall Out Boy]


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05.
[Yowamushi Pedal]


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06.
[How To Train Your Dragon 2]


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07.
[A Game of Thrones]


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08.
[Fruit's Basket]


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09.
[Community]


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10.
[Rythian, a.k.a Joakim Hellstrand]


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11.
[The Devil Wears Prada]


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12.
[Night Court]










Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 057 secrets from Secret Submission Post #390.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: What grinds your gears?

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly, it would just be better to not say it at all, because it's a bit dishonest. It's better to say "I don't mean to offend you" or something similar. Saying "I'm sorry you're upset" is a cowardly way of heaping the source of the conflict onto them, is mildly condescending, and implies they aren't entitled to their feelings. It takes two to disagree, so take some responsibility for your part (not theirs).

And save the apologies for when you really hurt someone.

Re: What grinds your gears?

[(Anonymous)]

Thing is, I don't get to decide when someone is "really hurt." I can have opinions about the reasonableness of their degree of hurt, but to go farther than that WOULD be to deny their right to their feelings. And surely you've heard the "intent isn't magical!" mantra that comes from "I didn't mean to..."

So really, it seems like the only thing I can do in these particular cases is acknowledge how someone feels and apologize for causing that feeling. But it seems like there's always that next level of "RECOGNIZE YOUR WRONGNESS! STAND THERE IN YOUR WRONGNESS AND BE WRONG!!" that I don't think is always warranted but always seems expected.

Re: What grinds your gears?

[(Anonymous)]

No.

Can someone use "I'm sorry you're upset" in a cowardly, condescending way? Sure. But the phrase isn't actually cowardly or condescending. It can be, and often is, used as an expression of sympathy.

Re: What grinds your gears?

[(Anonymous)]

It isn't cowardly to say it when you're an objective third party.

But if you're arguing with someone and drop that on them, then yes, it is cowardly to say it. Because you're not sorry. You're just looking for a way to end the conflict and you're willing to push everything onto them so that you can come out smelling like a rose.