fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2742 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2742 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 094 secrets from Secret Submission Post #392.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, how is it to have "always" had an uniform fetish? There's always something that triggers this kind of psychological response; you don't just randomly get a fetish out of nowhere.

...Sorry, are you getting angry with the OP because they didn't word their secret precisely enough for you?

Mrrroooowwwwrrrrr.

now I'm thinking that you imagine me as a cat. It's adorable.

? But I'm not angry? I was just wondering why exactly it is a secret (and a thing the OP's boyfriend is apparently unaware of) that the OP's fetish came from seeing a hot man in a uniform? How else would one get an uniform fetish?

Or is the point of the secret that SGA, specifically, is not supposed to be a source of sexual fantasies?..

AYRT

Oh okay. Sorry, I completely misread the tone of your comment!

Maybe the OP can answer your questions?

That's alright! :)

I actually think the secret was intended to be more of a "dang, this man is hawt and I'm kind of embarrassed to tell my boyfriend how hot I think a fictional character is" thing. I just tend to read everything a bit too literally at this hour.

Maybe OP just like Sheppard on SGA and the boyfriend is interpreting it as a uniform fetish and whenever OP tries to protest said boyfriend is like "sure you don't *wink* *wink*"?

That's all I've got. And it still doesn't make terrible sense.

Yeah SGA did spark my uniform fetish off. It's a secret because my boyfriend is one of those guys who's not very comfortable with women being overtly sexual. He doesn't mind kinks in general, but he would hate me finding characters on a show attractive.

SGA is also to blame for my uniform thing, OP. And also, my, um, holster thing. :DD

OP

And also, my, um, holster thing

Um. Your icon. *dies* Yes, me too!

Icon was a bday bash from the fambulous

milly_gal. more awesome Sheppard icons here and picspam here!

Hoo boy. Thanks for the link!

What a great boyfriend.

He has reasons for his hang ups. He's a pretty great guy in a hundred ways, but like all of us he has his flaws.

I'm sorry, but this argument really bugs me. Having reasons for an irrational hang up about women's sexuality doesn't mean they're GOOD reasons, nor do they justify what is a bad hang up to have because it's all about controlling your girlfriend's sexuality.

And the "like all of us he has flaws" is well meaning, but also nonsense. Yes, everyone is flawed. But not everyone gets upset that another person is finding someone else attractive. When your flaw is being really insecure, that's okay! You can work on it! But when your flaw is being really insecure and your approach is trying to control everyone else's behavior rather than working on your own, that's a huge red flag, OP.

It's possible to date someone for whom you do not have to make excuses. I hope you find that guy.

ayrt

I appreciate that you're well meaning in your response,and I can understand why you are offering the advice you are. Thank you for your concern, anon.

I would like to correct you on one point: I have not said my boyfriend is controlling. What I chose to keep secret so as not to make him uncomfortable is my own choice.

So relevant:

http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/06/missing-stair.html

It's good for your boyfriend that you're choosing to accommodate his discomfort with women's sexuality. Is he or will be be choosing to work on this personal issue so that the women in his life don't have to hide their sexuality from him?

This isn't like trying to be tidier because your bf is uncomfortable with clutter. It's pretending that something perfectly natural, normal and healthy doesn't exist because your bf isn't comfortable with something perfectly natural, normal and healthy. Yet somehow his discomfort with other people having sexual attraction trumps your right to express those feelings. I wish you luck in this, OP, but I wanted to speak up because I see far too many women fooling themselves into thinking that this sort of situation is normal and that they're doing everyone a favor by accommodating someone who isn't interested in reciprocating.

OMG, seriously just mind your own effing business.

For the benefit of anyone else reading this thread: I am perfectly comfortable with my own sexuality. He isn't. No, I'm not protecting him, but my strategy towards helping him overcome his issues doesn't involve FLAUNTING HOW HOT I FIND A CHARACTER IN HIS FAVOURITE TV SHOW.

Mostly though, just fuck off. Go and ride to someone else's rescue, because this is none of your business.

na

well you DID post about it online so what did you expect? if you didn't want people to give you advice about how your boyfriend can overcome his unhealthy attitudes towards women then you shouldn't have brought it up.

Yep. Posting about my uniform fetish was totally asking for an anon with issues to try and analyse my relationship.

At no point have I asked for advice.

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2014-07-06 23:56 (UTC) - Expand

da

"...he would hate me finding characters on a show attractive."

That doesn't sound like flaunting, though? Finding people attractive is pretty normal. I can see why you wouldn't want to rub your boyfriend's face in it, but I didn't get the impression that this is what you're doing. Him being so uncomfortable with your sexuality that you can't admit you thought some guy on TV was hot seems a bit extreme, too.

It's totally fine if this is what you want to do, but since you're thoughtful enough to help him overcome his issues, I'm not surprised that people are curious about what your boyfriend's doing to overcome these issues and whether or not it's a team effort or just you, pretending you're not attracted to other dudes because it upsets your boyfriend.

Fair enough. Well, not really (it's a pretty weird hang-up to have, IMO), but at least it makes sense!

Wow, that's... kind of messed up. Your BF sounds really insecure. :(

I know this isn't something you want to hear, but I'm getting a big ol' red flag from this thread, OP. When men have a problem with a woman's sexuality and the "solution" is for the woman to hide her sexuality, that's... not good. Really not good. I think you know this but you're hoping that if you play along, it'll save the relationship but... it won't. Because a man who doesn't like it when women have sexual feelings is a man who cannot be in a healthy relationship with a woman.

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