[ SECRET POST #2742 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2742 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 094 secrets from Secret Submission Post #392.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Rant Thread

[sarillia]

My friend is not happy but he refuses to get any kind of help or do anything that might make his life better and I'm getting tired of offering suggestions that get shot down immediately. I understand just needing to vent sometimes without wanting people to try to fix the situation and I try to be a sympathetic ear when he needs it, but I feel like there comes a point when you have to try to do something and we passed that a long time a go.

Re: Rant Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Agreed. Everyone's allowed to vent now and then, but if all your conversation is endless complaining AND you're not doing a damn thing to improve your own situation, then you need to pipe down and stop using your friends as free therapy. Instead of offering suggestions, I'd ask, "What you do plan to do about that?" (in a non-accusatory tone, if possible) and if he's got nothing, then it's "Well, good luck with whatever you decide to do. Let's change the subject to something more cheerful."

Re: Rant Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Eh, personally I tend to be the kind who just needs to vent and not get suggestions offered, so offering suggestions would get shot down because that's not what I need/want.

Then again, I also usually know what I need to do to fix the situation [or that I'm in the wrong, but am too pissed off to care at that time].

Re: Rant Thread

[diet_poison]

As someone who is very similar to you, anon, I've had it pointed out to me more than once that constantly venting to the same person can be really wearing. And I've also been on the receiving end of similar situations (not necessarily venting, just really dependent-seeming constant talking). I think Sarillia's position is understandably frustrating.

Re: Rant Thread

[(Anonymous)]

My view is that if anyone is taking up my time and energy with their selfish venting, they can damn' well listen to my suggestions or STFU.

Re: Rant Thread

[philstar22]

I think everyone needs to be able to just vent, though. Personally I hate it when people offer me suggestions when I don't want them. But generally I say up front I just need to vent and am not looking for suggestions. And I'm also the person everyone I know vents too. I see it as reciprocal because I'm the person who listens to everyone else's rants and offers supportive comments without suggestions because that is what I want in the same situation.

Re: Rant Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Not a trained games therapist, but it kinda sounds like a Why Don't You, Yes But scenario

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnMmO2PdKZY&list=PL7B44BA0DCC742F63
Particularly described in the "games" video.

Re: Rant Thread

[(Anonymous)]

One of my housemates is like that. She just repeats the same stuff over and over and shoots down every suggestion we make. I just zone out when she starts up now, I have enough baggage of my own without hers being thrown in too but I manage not to twist the subject round to me every single conversation*.

*may or may not be exaggeration, I'm just so damn tired of having to deal with this.

Re: Rant Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Ugh, I'm sorry. People like that don't really want to fix their problems, they just want to whine. You should feel free to say something short and pithy like, "Oh, I'm sorry, that sucks" and then LEAVE.

Re: Rant Thread

[quirkytizzy]

This is a huge reason why I broke up with my ex. I cannot and will not be held responsible for figuring out your mental health. That's your job. I'm here to help, not carry.

I feel ya.

Re: Rant Thread

[kallanda_lee]

Honestly, some people just need to come to that conclusion by themselves, at their own pace. Pushing them might just be counterproductive, for both of you. You can set limits for how much you're still willing to listen, though.