fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2779 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2779 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Trust me, I think most dudes are just happy to be having sex. Like, what even is bad sex?

It was only my second time ever, and first time with him sober, but I've not exactly admitted that I'm a complete novice and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I guess now that I think about it, part of my anxiety comes from the idea that the cat might be out of the bag.

Your comment has made me feel a little better though. Thanks.

Is this a guy you like and want to have a relationship with, or is it just someone you've started hooking up with?

I like him a lot, but it's only a casual thing. We've been on a few dates and get on pretty well but neither of us want a serious relationship.

Ah, okay.

Hrm. I'd say not to worry about it too much. Bad sex happens to everyone sometimes (even between partners who usually have very good sex), and lack of experience really isn't a deal-breaker (otherwise, how would anyone ever get experience?).

Everybody starts out as a virgin. Great lovers are taught.

Communication is the standard recommendation. Tell him where your clit/g-spot/whatever is. Point out if he's pushing too hard, or you can't feel anything.

You are doing fine. This is normal.

Seconding this. Also, give yourself permission to have a little fun exploring his body. Try different ways of stimulating him, see what's fun for him, what's fun for you... enjoy experimenting a bit. Sex is a skill like any other: talent's nice to have, but study and practice will get you a lot farther.

I take it you've never boned someone you really weren't into out of poor judgement.

Nope. Never done anything beside kissing maybe like two guys in my whole life. I really do like him though, I was so excited for us to have sober sex where we both could actually focus on it and everything.

Well that sucks. This is exactly why I never date anymore.

My husband once told me of the worst sex he ever had. The girl just laid there and did nothing. He asked her if she was okay; she said she was. He asked her if she wanted to stop; she said she didn't. He asked her if there was anything he could do for her; she said there wasn't. But she wouldn't participate. He felt so sad and uncomfortable that he ultimately had to stop. So, to answer your question...that is bad sex.

Oh dear. D: I don't think this was *quite* that bad. I have no instincts for sex at all really, so I'm totally winging it, but I know enthusiasm is important and I made an effort to not just lie there.

I think mostly it was down to him - he's not very big (which obviously he can't help, so I'm not going to hold it against him) but there was also nowhere near enough foreplay and on the whole it felt kind of sloppy. I didn't even realize he'd come until he said so. I don't know why I should feel embarrassed about all of this though. I guess because I like him as a person so much and I find him so nice-looking, I thought it would be a lot better.

This turned super TMI, sorry about that.

Oh, no worries on the TMI!

But yeah, that...makes it sound like he doesn't know what he's doing, himself. Maybe you can get him to put on the brakes next time so you guys can be a little more exploratory? Approaching sex with a curious mindset is a good way to start figuring out both what you like and he likes.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the suckage, man.

Edited 2014-08-13 02:02 (UTC)

I'm starting to wonder if he hasn't been lying about the amount of experience he has. Which, if he has, the irony is brilliant. I'm going to try and talk about it more with him next time - I kind of went in there assuming he knew what he was doing since he's supposedly slept with quite a lot of women. >_>

I'm kinda starting to see the funny side of this now and I feel a lot better about the whole thing. Thanks for talking this out with me!

Aw man, I hate it when guys talk a bigger game than they've got. Hopefully talking about will get things on the right track.

And I'm glad you're feeling better about everything, anon! :)

[ SECRET POST #2779 ]

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Everybody starts out as a virgin.

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