fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2823 ]

[ SECRET POST #2823 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2823 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 018 secrets from Secret Submission Post #403.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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ayrt

Kissing, touching, hugging?

I'm genuinely curious about this. Where is the demarcation line between "expressing love" and "being sexual"?

BY TELLING THEM YOU LOVE THEM

obviously ??? I mean - if I love someone then I tell them I love them and I tell them WHY and HOW and what that means to me and the significance that holds and just how much I value them and their presence

how do you ONLY express you love someone sexually thats seriously what I don't get at all

DA but I also tell my friends that I love them - as friends.

I think the central question here really is : what is fundamentally distinguishes romantic love from other kinds of love?

The question wasn't 'do I tell my friends that I love them', it was 'how do you express your love'. And the answer to that is 'with words'.

Of course romantic love is different from friendship love or familial love or mentor-mentee love or whatever, but if people are going to ask silly things that imply SEXUALLY IS THE ONLY WAY TO SHOW LOVE and just discount everything else then I'm going to give an equally trite answer.

And anyway what romantic love or other kinds of love mean to various people as well as how they choose to express that differs from person to person. In my case - and mine alone - I'd say that romantic love comes on top of friendship, and cannot be separated entirely out.

I take OP's confusion here as being basically sincere, and I don't think it's particularly out of line to ask what romantic love is. I think their poor phrasing is probably a result of their confusion. It's not something that our culture seems to be particularly good at defining especially as distinct from sexuality and physical intimacy.

And anyway what romantic love or other kinds of love mean to various people as well as how they choose to express that differs from person to person. In my case - and mine alone - I'd say that romantic love comes on top of friendship, and cannot be separated entirely out.

I don't agree with this but I think it would only take us into murky and off-topic waters to get into it so whatever

Except no one in the history of ever has claimed that you can only love someone "sexually".

What they are saying is that friendship love is okay too, and it's weird to call it romance if there is zero sexual element involved.

There are a billion ways to express love, in all kinds of forms, and you can tell anyone you love with words that you love them, family, friends, romantic partners. I don't really see your argument, and I am squinting.

Are you an alien?

I am!

Cool. I'm into aliens...asexually.

My species doesn't have sexual reproduction. We bud at certain times in our lives.

What I'm trying to say is...that'll work for me.

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-26 01:49 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-26 01:52 (UTC) - Expand

Are you an asshole?

In some instances.

When people get too old to have sex, are they no longer in love? When grow old together, do they stop caring because their sex drives no longer function? They were in love once, but now 80 year old grandma and grandpa who have been married 60 years and still take walks together, hold hands, and say they're the light of each other's lives... are just friends?

Yes.

You sound very young.

What the heck makes you think eighty year olds don't have sex drives?

What the heck makes you think I said all eighty year olds stop having sex drives? It was an example.

What the heckie heck?

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-26 02:26 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-26 02:50 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-26 02:51 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-26 02:58 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-26 02:59 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-26 03:04 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

chardmonster - 2014-09-26 03:05 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-26 03:09 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

chardmonster - 2014-09-26 03:11 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-26 03:14 (UTC) - Expand

They do, but some can't have sex anymore for one reason or another. Also, some do lose interest in sex.

"Careful, that's my artifical hip!"

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

chardmonster - 2014-09-26 03:06 (UTC) - Expand

Why are implying that a couple who've been together for 60+ years, are not particularly interested in sex, are not 'in love' with each other as they once were, but still consider each other their best friend and the most important person in their life ave a lesser love for each other than a similar couple who are still sexually interested in each other?

nayrt

To me it seems like they're saying the exact opposite of that? YOU'RE the one saying they can't be in love if they're not interested in sex.

AYRT

No, I'm (admittedly playing devil's advocate) by saying that if a couple isn't interested in having sex with each other anymore, and aren't in love with each other any more (note I'm not saying one causes the other, I'm just suggesting hypothetical couple where this is the case), but still love each other incredibly deeply, then why isn't that relationship given as much weight as one where the couple say they're 'in love'.

Like, I kind of think this whole thread discussion has a lot of anons frantically defending ace romantic love, but a lot of that defensiveness seems to be coming from a conception of human ties where romantic love is elevated above all others.

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-26 12:16 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-26 12:20 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-26 12:26 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-26 13:18 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-26 16:01 (UTC) - Expand

nayrt

I personally don't think it is any less to have a best friend than a romantic partner. And I don't like the phrase "in love", because it seems to imply that a loving friendship is inferior to a romantic one. I certainly would call the couple that hasn't had sexual interest in one another for over a decade "in love" for that reason, if they are still committed, but I don't personally think they are "romantically in love" anymore. They are partners, loving best friends, and so forth, but they aren't romantic. And that's okay.

That's the thing, though -- why does a lack of sexual interest also mean a lack of romance? And why does the suggestion that romantic feelings can exist without sexual interest make you and the other anon feel as if the love between friends is viewed as inferior?

There is more than one type of love. I don't love my closest friends in the same way that I love my parents. I don't love my spouse in the same way that I love my closest friends. That doesn't mean that I've developed some sort of hierarchy for each of them, it just means that the set of feelings I have for each of them is different. And yes, during a period in my life when I didn't have a sex drive due to a medical issue, the feelings I had for my spouse were still distinct from the feelings I had for the other people that I love.

Re: What's the difference between asexual romance and really close friendship?

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-26 16:19 (UTC) - Expand

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