fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2860 ]

[ SECRET POST #2860 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2860 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

According to my admittedly subjective experience of being bullied when I was young...no. Ignoring it does not make it go away, or make it stop. I even tried what one anon suggested above: I acknowledged them, reacted calmly, and dismissed them. Their response was to beat on me during gym glass, using the game as a cover. The only thing that made them stop was the one thing that my parents, the guidance counselors, and the school administration kept telling me was the worst possible course of action: punishing the offenders. And I had to show up in the assistant principal's office with a gash on my arm for that to finally happen.

That said, this was in middle school. Older people act differently. Still, I do think that unacceptable behavior should be confronted at some point.

The key really is in the response. A calm, measured response almost always works better than an angry one, and sometimes, it's necessary to walk away and try to address the issue later. When it comes to a situation like you described, continuing to walk away probably would be the best course of action. She was angry, and probably lashing out, and giving her a little bit of time to cool down before confronting her on what she'd said would make it more likely for her to listen.

IME it didn't work for bullies at all, but on the other hand it's odd that so many people are going right to "it doesn't stop bullies" because it seemed to me that bullying is not at all what the OP is talking about. I got the impression it was a (possibly) younger sibling being disrespectful and bratty toward her--getting in a snotty little parting shot after they had had an argument.

I think the reason a lot of people are going straight to bullying is because the "just ignore it" and "he/she/they are just trying to get a rise out of you" lines are so often used in regards to bullying (and trolling, for that matter). So, that's the from of reference that a lot of us are automatically pulling from.

I do think you're right, though, and I think the second part of my post does apply to that. Let the person calm down; come back and talk about it later. It can be really hard for either party to listen when one or the other is fired up.

ayrt

True--that, and "he's doing it because he likes you"...

Oh man, I hate that one. Like, first, no, he's not necessarily doing it because he likes you. And second, even if he is, it's still dickish.

I think trolling is the one situation where it's usually good advice, though not when it becomes really targeted and extreme (such as a few haters we've had lately) - at that point it needs to be addressed.

I think you're right. In most instances of trolling, turning away really does help. But I also think that some people have taken that too far, to where they have trouble recognizing when turning away doesn't and isn't helping.

Then again, that could be said of a lot of things.

oh, you're right about the situation. it was my younger sister who said something snotty some 10-15 minutes after an argument had ended. but I was curious to peoples' experiences in any similar situation, and even though bullying isn't what I'm dealing with, I'm curious about any situation where the Powers That Be say "just ignore it!" and wondering how it worked out.

now that I think about it...I mean I wasn't actually bullied that much, I was picked on/teased a little bit (mostly in 5th and 6th grade) but it was minimal and really not life-impacting. But I've always been kinda like this, very assertive and a bit touchy, not lacking in confidence and not afraid to be blunt. I wonder if there's a big connection there - I wasn't as vulnerable as some of my peers probably were (not trying to brag here, and I have my faults - anger management has been a big one - but this I guess has been a very helpful trait too) so maybe I wasn't seen as easy meat, and people didn't think it was worth it. It kinda turns the whole "just ignore them" thing on its head, because I NEVER just "ignored" them. I always said something. And most of the time people left me alone. (Maybe it was because they thought I was ~weird~, but that suited me just fine.)

oh gosh, I'm sorry that happened to you. Middle school can be so turbulent and I feel teachers have a responsibility to be on the lookout for behavior like this instead of turning the other way.

Why did they say "punishing the offenders" was a bad idea, and what does that mean in this context? Do you mean discipline from the school, or "revenge"? (sounds like the former is what happened in this case, or at least I hope)

yeah, walking away and being calm is good. It's still a snap judgment of "ugh DON'T treat me like that" and wanting to respond...I should work on that.

It was punishment from the school. They said that, if they got involved, it would make things far worse for me than if I simply handled it on my own. The logic was that the bullies would be further provoked by me getting them in trouble. On top of that, the guidance counselors insisted that I just needed to learn how to talk to them correctly, because I could have them "eating out of the palm of my hand" if I only put my mind to it.

Looking back, it all seems rather twisted (because the notion that the answer to me being bullied is to learn how to manipulate people is...wtf).

What the fuck. That's just messed up in every way. D:

I really hope those same people are not still teaching/administrating at schools.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2860 ]

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