[ SECRET POST #2862 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2862 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #409.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - random textless image ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Wait, how is that "narcississtic"? Wouldn't that imply that the characters wouldn't be able to love anyone else half as much as themselves? The characters in this scenario wouldn't even love each other as much themselves individually.

I wouldn't call it character bashing. Some characters would work well in relationships. Some would not. It really depends on the characters and their compatibility.

Now, back to the secret: whether some people strictly ship a pairing, or multiship whatever, as long as they aren't rude about it with other people, it should be fine because its all essentially fictional. Sure, we all can get caught up in shipping, but we just have to remember to take a step back and tone it down a bit as a common courtesy to others.

[(Anonymous)]

Idealizing a romantic partner as part of a fantasy of perfect love is a narcissistic character trait--in fact, it's one of the diagnostic criteria.

[(Anonymous)]

That has nothing to do with the depth of love you feel for someone though. You can love someone more deeply than you love anyone else and still be well aware of their flaws and imperfections, as well as your own. Actually I'd say that'd be a requirement of that sort of depth of love.

You're confusing "deep" with "idealized" which makes no sense.

[(Anonymous)]

No, you're the one who brought ~deep into this. The narcissistic fantasy is the idea that two people could never love anyone "half so much" as they do each other. The idea that there is one and only perfect person for you, a love that eclipses all other love.

[(Anonymous)]

And for some people it's true. It still doesn't make them narcissists.

[(Anonymous)]

Being bound up with someone you regard as the other half of your soul? In other words, another self? Yup, sounds like narcissism to me.

[intrigueing]

I'd say that anyone who can't care about anyone half as much as their romantic partner is vastly more likely to be obsessed with their own fantasy than having genuine deep love for another human being. Like the above anon said.

Now, if they simply don't care about anyone else half as much -- because, say, they happen to live a life where everyone else around them is an asshole/untrustworthy/dangerous/corrupt or if they have some kind of secret that forces them to stop themselves from forming emotional attachments to anyone else, that's a somewhat different matter.

[(Anonymous)]

"Now, if they simply don't care about anyone else half as much -- because, say, they happen to live a life where everyone else around them is an asshole/untrustworthy/dangerous/corrupt or if they have some kind of secret that forces them to stop themselves from forming emotional attachments to anyone else, "

I think that's incredibly disingenuous. People do not care about those close to them with the same level of intensity. There are people they are about more, and people they care about less, and there isn't anything wrong with that. It's normal. And for you to go hyperbolic about it and present it as some either/or thing is ridiculous, hurtful, and completely beside the point, which is simply that loving someone deeply doesn't make you incapable of loving someone else deeply.

[intrigueing]

loving someone deeply doesn't make you incapable of loving someone else deeply.

But...that was exactly my point?

Anyway, sorry, perhaps I didn't word this clearly: I didn't mean that if you love a special someone more than you love any other person, that's unhealthy.

What I meant was if you are INCAPABLE of EVER loving anyone even HALF as much as that special someone, then that's unhealthy.

Emphasis on all the capitalized words, especially "incapable."

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, okay. Thank you for the clarification.

One more question, under 'somewhat different matters', what if that character who genuinely deeply loves another character, happens to only display sexual attraction only toward that character? (There's a trope called Single-Target Sexuality. In real life, it is known as demisexuality) What are your thoughts?

[intrigueing]

I have no thoughts about this because I've never known anyone or read anything about this. I'd assume such a character would still be able to form deep close relationships with other people, just not sexual ones.

[(Anonymous)]

Where does fantasy/idealization come into it though? Are you genuinely arguing that it's not possible to love some deeply while still being aware that neither they nor you are anywhere near 'perfect.'

Is everyone deeply in love, then, according to your definition, vaguely deluded?

[intrigueing]

Not at all? How did you get any of that from my comment?

What I meant was that love doesn't really work like...I dunno, an ovary. You don't just run out of love after you expend a certain quantity on someone. So if you love someone truly and deeply, that should not be synonymous with not really caring about any other people.

[(Anonymous)]

How did you get "running out of love" out of ANY of these comments?

How did you get "not loving someone else as much" as being "can't care about other people at all"?

People will love different people to different degrees. They may continue to do so after the relationship has ended. If you call things like that unhealthy or narcissistic then you're calling human nature unhealthy and narcissistic.

[intrigueing]

I got that from the secret -- saying "they could never ever love anyone else half as much."

Different degrees and intensities, I definitely get for sure. Dude, basically alllll my favorite fandom stuff is about best friends and incredibly special found family and couples.

But a) "not even half as much" is a really extreme difference in intensity.

and b) saying "They DON'T love anyone else half as much" is very different from "They CAN'T love anyone else half as much."

I think I didn't word my comment two levels above this one very well -- I didn't mean that the only reason people would have different levels of love was if everyone else was an asshole or if they couldn't let anyone else close. I meant that for the difference to be that extreme and for the idea of loving someone else even almost as much to be that out of the realm of possibility, the situation would have to be kind of out of the ordinary.

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt

for what it's worth, I understood you the first time. Loving someone more than any other person is not the same as being unable to love anyone anywhere near that much.

though I think that it's probably common for people to never be able to find another person who fits with them so well.