fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2862 ]

[ SECRET POST #2862 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2862 ⌋

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Reading this I have to wonder why people don't want someone who isn't ambitious. Like, what's wrong with someone who's actually content with what they have? Maybe I'm biased because my father was ambitious and it meant he was hardly home...

I think it's one of those things people have drilled into them by their environment and the culture, and I don't necessarily think it's a good thing.

I have a job that I love making good money, but I'm supposed to always want "more". I don't need to be a millionaire. I don't have some fancy job, but I'm more than satisfied with making enough money to support myself and have some left over for "fun" stuff. And I'm not constantly working. I have enough free time to enjoy myself. I'm happy and I like my life the way it is. I don't see why that's considered a bad thing, but to a lot of people it is.

(da) I think there's a level of ambition that is expected of people (potential romantic interests). For instance - here, you say you have a job that you love and are making good money. You can both support yourself (without mooching off others) and have enough money leftover for doing things you like. I think that's a reasonable level of ambition; if I say that I expect someone to be ambitious, I just mean that I want someone to seek to achieve financial stability and to have a desire to better him/herself in some way. It doesn't have to be "you need to earn EVEN MORE money!!" or something; if you get joy out of, say, gardening, and you spend time on your garden and figure out how best to nurture your plants and make them grow, then that's fine. Or if you have the free time and spend time with your family or something. If that makes any sense...

(Though it is true that some people are REALLY focused on using salary as a metric for how successful someone is...)

I can barely get by myself, but me and my fiancee are content despite it. We're both slower-paced people, and our greatest ambition is our own place and that's about it. Otherwise, we're fine so long as we have food in our bellies. One of us is severely disabled (fibromyalgia, it sucks), so we're not stupid--one of us is going to be mooching off someone depending on the definition, and that's even if you don't include my partial disability (bum ankle from an accident a few years back, it never healed right).

I guess it just baffles me how people use ambition as a measure of something.

For me, it's not that I want someone to be a workaholic or never satisfied with what they have, but I'm not going to be happy with a person who's okay with never pushing or improving themselves. Not necessarily in their career, but in everything.

Yeah, I feel you. I don't think ambition is a bad thing, mind you, but laid back is more my style.

That's cool as long as what you have is enough for everyone involved. But I'm not dating a guy who's content to live in his parents' basement with no job because his parents are happy to support him forever.

Yes, this. Lack of ambition isn't just being content with enough; IME, it usually goes hand in hand with not planning for the future and a general lack of forethought, and often it goes along with an expectation that problems will magically fix themselves, so why worry? Except that problems don't magically fix themselves, and the person who goes through life not worrying usually manages this by letting other people fix his problems for him.

Except for where a lot of people seem to conflate being content with "not working n any problems ever."

Let's look at what ambition means.

"1. an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment.

2. the object, state, or result desired or sought after.

3. desire for work or activity; energy."

People are confusion ambition with something else.

Basically people here don't want to hold up a deadbeat.

Nailed it in one.

Then they should learn to say "no deadbeats" instead of "I want someone with ambition!" when they clearly won't like someone who's super ambitious, either.

No they really wouldn't, because chances are a truly ambitious person would think they were the deadbeat instead.

How about a big NO? Both to arguing from the dictionary definition of the word, and for (apparently deliberately) missing my point.

I didn't even suggest that being content was a bad thing, or that ambition always equals having a contingency plan in place or addressing problems. I know perfectly well that ambitious people often ignore serious problems (like relationship problems, for instance) because they're too busy forging ahead on their narrowly-defined road to success. But I do think that lack of ambition goes hand in hand with the things that I've mentioned--the attitude that smooth sailing is the best thing in life, and that there's no need to be concerned for the future because it'll all work itself out in the end. Usually it works out because someone else has put in the energy and care to fix the problem.

NAYRT

I don't think ambition is the word you're looking for though. Ambition does suggest, as per the definition, seeking to attain something bigger than one has already. It's a desire for advancement, a desire for specific goals.

I think the things you have issues with are laziness and complacency, and ambitious isn't the opposite of either of those.

I think you might be looking more for "enterprise" or "initiative" or "motivation" than "ambition" as you can have all three of those without any overarching or advancing goal in mind.

That isn't ambition. It's not just the dictionary definition, it's the actual meaning. That is what people mean by ambition. your problem is with complacency, and not contentment. you're like one of those people who thinks irregardless is a word and will keep using it despite it not being one.

The problem with using a dictionary definition is that most words carry a connotative meaning that the dictionary definition doesn't encompass. But even so, I see that this particular definition--even though it stresses desire for "power, honor, fame and wealth"--also includes "energy" and "the desire for work or activity." This is closer, probably, to the connotative meaning most people are thinking of when they say they could not consider a LTR with someone who lacked ambition.

At the same time, someone earlier in this thread--maybe you?--drew a false dichotomy between ambition and contentment. They're not in opposition; you can be contented with some portion of your lot in life, yet at the same time be ambitious in the sense of continually striving for excellence or achievement, for some larger goal than simply getting by. And there also isn't a bright line between contentment and complacency either, especially since most complacent people would probably prefer to regard themselves as contented; it sounds nobler.

we get it, you clearly have/had issues with some complacent mooch in your life and thus are projecting like crazy.

it still doesn't make "ambitious" mean what you think it should mean.

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[ SECRET POST #2862 ]

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