Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2015-01-21 08:07 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2015-01-21 08:07 pm
[ SECRET POST #2940 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2940 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
01.
__________________________________________________
02.
[Doctor Who]
__________________________________________________
03.
__________________________________________________
04.
[Fire Emblem Awakening]
__________________________________________________
05.
[Sleepy Hollow]
__________________________________________________
06.
[Agents of SHIELD]
__________________________________________________
07.
[Babylon 5]
__________________________________________________
08.
[Sinfest]
__________________________________________________
09.
[Weekly Wipe with Charlie Brooker]
__________________________________________________
10.
[Sailor Moon Crystal]
Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 026 secrets from Secret Submission Post #420.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: Hints?
See, I've been away from my family for years. But when I first cut them off, they would call me, which would send me into panic and terror (because the calls were never GOOD). But I was also afraid that if I never took their calls, what if I missed something important?
Well, first of all, I told them point blank that I would NOT be taking any of their calls, period. (You don't seem to have reached that point, but still, you can enforce your boundaries, "Only one call a week," or whatever. And I mean what's really COMFORTABLE for you, not what you're caving to out of guilt.)
Then, I stuck to it. I DID NOT TAKE THEIR CALLS, because I knew that if I backed down, they would learn that my boundaries were negotiable, if they just badgered me long enough. Your sister seems to be of this type. Once you lay a boundary, you HAVE to stick to it, or you'll just have to start all over.
Of course, that still leaves the messages, but I found a solution for that too! I had a roommate go through all my voice mail messages. She would tell me if the call was really something important, or just them trying to guilt-trip me more. (Surprise: none of them were important.) Having her as a human filter made me SO much less anxious. Also, having a friend who could verify what was happening ("yeah, the call was a passive-aggressive guilt trip about how lonely they are and how vicious you're being, fuck 'em,") was a much-needed dose of reality.
They finally stopped calling me after the Boston Marathon shootings. I was living in Boston at the time, and had lots of people checking in to make sure I was not dead, including the parents. For a moment, I had sheer panic: this was a legit thing for them to call me about! But if I talked to them, I knew they would NEVER STOP.
In a moment of adrenaline-fueled genius, I dashed to my roommate and shoved my phone at her. "TELL THEM I'M NOT DEAD."
She took my phone, shoved me out of her room, shut the door in my face, and told me to go do something else for a while. After a few minutes, she came out, gave me my phone back and said, "I told them you were not dead."
I was able to reassure my parents, get them the info they needed, while still maintaining my boundaries of not taking their calls or talking to them.
It's been years since I had a phone call from them, and my stress level has gone WAY down since. Your sister doesn't sound like it's as intense of a situation but hey, my method at least has guaranteed results.
(Note: your sister might do what my folks did at first, which was call more often in hopes of badgering me into relenting. DO NOT CAVE. There may be guilt trips, whining, calls insisting it's an emergency and the emergency turning out to be "how could you do this to me." DO NOT CAVE. If her behavior continues to escalate, then obviously you need MORE distance, not less.)
Re: Hints?
(And probably will do at some point because I need a people free week x-x)
I don't think she's that bad yet, but she's got some odd ideas of how a family is 'meant' to be like* including things like loads of phone calls and always available (just not physically possible)
* wanting it is fine but there is no correct family behaviour. People aren't checkboxes...I hope her therapist explains this to her.
Re: Hints?
Keeping boundaries is REALLY hard, especially since a lot of it boils down to, "Don't say no too hard, that's rude," which makes it easy for some folks to ignore or misunderstand. Sometimes, you have to put your foot down, and when you're dreading your phone ringing, it's time.