fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2957 ]

[ SECRET POST #2957 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2957 ⌋

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IDK, I like that there's a word that implies a possibility of a long-term commitment of the sort some romantic people undertake more strongly than "best friend" does. I find that the meaning of "best friend" tends to get undervalued by some, and that it doesn't make it immediately obvious that living together might be an option.

But I hate the fact that there had to be a "queer" in it, and that it had to be connected to LGBT+ somehow. If it weren't for these two factors, I might even use it.

i think the term you're looking for is "best friend forever"

Best friend forever doesn't necessarily imply "non-relationship lifemates that you probably live with" though. Best friend is the more general group that "non-relationship lifemates that you probably live with" may fall in, but so does "friends"

Why do you need "best friend forever" if you can just say "friend"? It is a friend, isn't it? Or are you going to say it's a specific type of friend, because sometimes people like being specific, but that doesn't apply when it's terms you don't like?

I'm not a fan of throwing queer in there, but having a word for it is not a bad thing in itself

Dude, married doesn't mean forever. NOTHING means forever.

except best friend forever

Where did married come from

The person implied that queerplatonic means forever while best friends doesn't. Well, even the most "forever" of relationships (marriage) doesn't mean forever. So queerplatonic is no more forever than best friends.

Wha huh? Living together doesn't imply marriage or foreverness and hasn't for decades. It literally means living together which most BFFs do not do afaik

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thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis

I think in Australia they have another word for super-close platonic friends - "mates." Doesn't specify living together or anything though.

Yeah, I am using this one now. Maybe it is appropriate; I feel like if there's a difference between "queerplatonic" and "BFFs", then it is too fine for me, as an ESL, to see, so I can't really object. I'd be glad if a native speaker confirmed that they're basically the same, though.

Well, "queerplatonic" isn't a thing. Or rather, it's a made up word to describe something that already has a word, and in my opinion, putting "queer" in it makes it pretty offensive. It appropriates 'queer', which is still something that gay people deal with very seriously. Even if it is well-intentioned, as a gay person, I'd be pretty annoyed with anyone using "queer" to describe themselves if they are gay or transgender.

Oh, no, I didn't mean the difference between the words themselves. I absolutely agree that "queerplatonic" isn't a good word to use. I meant the semantic difference - does "BFF" imply all the same things "queerplatonic" implies (the "queerness" issue aside)?

I would say no, but that's due to personal experiences. There's at least one person in my life with whom I'm not in a romance that best friendship isn't enough to cover.

I don't know what I would call that relationship, though. Not a romance. Not anything with queer in it certainly. There isn't really a word for it.

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I would say 'best friend' is exactly that. I don't think there is a "more than best friend".

...did you mean to say if they aren't gay or transgender? otherwise this is kind of a confusing comment

DA

"Friends are the family you get to choose." Better?

I think because 'queer' refers to sexuality and gender. i.e., someone who isn't a cis straight person.

It would be really weird to apply the label "queer" to two heterosexual cis dudes who are platonic best friends and decide to live together because why-the-hell-not, and have no desire to go get married to a couple of women even if they are attracted to them. Because their sexual orientation has nothing to do with their relationship with each other -- they just personally prefer to live with each other and don't feel any desire to live with romantic partners instead.

It's pretty ridiculous to think that the only way someone would ever choose this living arrangement over living with a romantic partner is if they're not heterosexual. Just because it's rare doesn't mean it's oppressed. And it minimizes the actual experience of actual queer people who do get flack (real, life-impacting flack, not a few "lol, you guys act so gay!" jokes) for their relationships and living arrangements.

but that's a term teenagers use to describe a relationship that is usually not like that at all

And? If a term is misused by a group it means it can never be used with the other (right/true) meaning again by other people?

does "best friend forever" actually have a "right/true" meaning?

I have that sort of relationship with my best friend of 25+ years and if I call her anything else it's my sister.

There really doesn't need to be some special word that connects itself to LGBT.

Awww, this is incredibly sweet. Yes, this is a nice option.

I suppose you're right. I mean, I was rather thinking of a situation where you'd want to offer someone to be your queerplatonic partner (as in, a lifemate), but it makes sense to assume that in this case, you'd have such a good understanding with them that you'd explain your idea just fine without using any particular terms.

Yeah, I basically think of my best friend as my sister; we grew up together and when we get on each other's nerves we definitely have a sibling kind of relationship. But putting a LGBT affiliated label to it would be weird because, well, sisters.

Several years ago, I remember hearing people talk about "romantic friendship" as something sort of like that, though it was mostly in historical contexts.

Not sure we really need a label for it, but at least it avoids the queer issue.

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