fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2967 ]

[ SECRET POST #2967 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2967 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I've never read Fifty Shades of Grey and have no interest in it. I find it poorly written and I think it's really misclassified as BDSM (not safe, sane, consensual in the slightest). Despite that though, it really, really bothers me how people criticize it. FSOG's target audience isn't preteen girls (the way Twilight's was). It's grown women -- you know, adults. Who can differentiate fact from fiction.

It really, really bothers me how so many of the "protect women" critiques about FSOG are so damn patronizing or condescending.

I love reading ravishment porn and other fics of dubious nature. And yet, from the way some people are reacting, you'd think I'm some kind of rape apologist or victim blamer when that's the FARTHEST thing from my mind. I am perfectly capable of distinguishing rape from an erotic scene in a book. Thank. You. Very. Much.

If anything, FSOG has made me grateful that I don't bring up my kinks or preferences because apparently everyone would treat me like a lobotomized freak that needs to be protected and educated.

OMG I was actually expecting way more wank, okay. But shortly after I wrote this I also came across Erika Moen's comic on it http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/50shadesofgrey/ here, and I was so surprised and sort of disbelieving a bit that someone else seemed to feel the same way! And I love her stuff, it's brilliant and funny. I think there are actually more people who feel similarly, but it's just so hard to articulate anything like that without getting shouted down for being some sort of ABUSIVE RAPE SUPPORTER or whatever.

It especially irks me when people are all 'oh no I read real BDSM books' like, excuse me, I have read those books too, they are just as bad- it's all a fantasy and in fantasies you get to explore things that you would not in real life because at the end of the day, no one is hurt! That is the whole point!

Thanks OP :)

I don't follow. How are you able to follow up "I never read" with "I find it poorly written"?

If you never read it, how would you know?

(No, I'm not being facetious. The two statements back to back don't compute.)

I've skimmed the book enough -- read excerpts and passages and summaries so I know the plot and the general grammar/style of writing. It's poor. But I've never read any of the books through.

I checked it out but I had to stop reading because I was just like "This is so bad. And not even in a good way." So I just skipped ahead and read a bit here and there to see if it got better. It didn't. So I just read plot summaries to see how the general story went and looked up and read individual scenes that people mentioned were, for example, not consensual.

If it's ravishment porn, then advertise it as such and don't fucking treat it as a how-to manual and go on and on about how it's saved marriages by serving as such.

^^^^^^^^^

Study Says ‘50 Shades Of Grey’ Readers More Likely To Have Abusive Partners

http://www.ibtimes.com/fifty-shades-abuse-study-says-50-shades-grey-readers-more-likely-have-abusive-partners-1666250

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/kim-olver/five-lessons-men-could-learn-fifty-shades-grey

4. Possession. Despite bra burning and the womens equality movement, most women still want to be possessed and protected by a strong man. It is a feral instinct. But there is a fine line between possession for a woman's safety and possession for control. No woman wants to be controlled by a man, but we will welcome his possession on two conditions.

The first condition is that he is possessing her because the thought of losing her is unbearable. He needs to keep a woman safe and protect her. The second condition is that the ownership goes both ways. This is no time for double standards. If a man is going to possess a woman, he must also concede that she possesses him as well.

http://www.babble.com/mom/for-reals-50-shades-of-grey-inspired-onesies/

This is such bullshit. You know why? Because correlation doesn't equal causation.

Women who are already in abusive relationships could also be more likely to seek out romance novels BECAUSE they're unhappy with their relationships.

There's no proof here that FSOG is CAUSING or influencing women into getting into bad relationships.

Jesus Christ, this is the kind of shit I'm talking about -- it presumes that women are too stupid to differentiate fantasy from reality.

When your reality looks like the thing that's being called a fantasy, yes, it becomes difficult to differentiate between fantasy and reality. That goes for people of any gender.

This is the thing that drives me crazy about the "but people are smart and can think for themselves so stop condescending to them" arguments. We don't live in a reality where everyone knows what abuse looks like. We don't even live in a reality where everyone knows what rape looks like. We're all taught that abusive behaviors are romantic and that consent is a blurry line. Until people in the real world stop saying things like, "well, she didn't fight back," "well, she shouldn't have been drinking," "well, she shouldn't have worn that skirt," "oh, he's just a touchy-feely guy, don't be so uptight," "oh his jealousy just means he really likes you," "it's just a compliment," "sure he's creepy, but we can't kick him out for that; just don't let yourself be alone with him," "well, your success embarrasses him, so of course he's angry," "if she didn't want to be hit, she shouldn't have pissed him off," "it can't be THAT bad if she's staying with him," "he may have beat her, but to be fair, she was acting kind of crazy," "of course he cheated, she wasn't putting out enough," "you don't have the right to say no to sex once you're married," "well, you willingly had sex with him in the past, so he can't have raped you," etc etc etc, no, I don't think we can just say "people can tell the difference." Because how do you when you've never really thought about this stuff? We take it for granted a lot of the time that we know all of this is bullshit, but most people just go along with it. Most people think it's totally normal.

"When your reality looks like the thing that's being called a fantasy, yes, it becomes difficult to differentiate between fantasy and reality."

Oh God, this, this, THIS.

Right now I'm supporting someone who needed the intervention of social workers to realize that the psychological and emotional abuse she's been suffering for thirty years was not, in fact, the normal behavior between husbands and wives. It was not, as she imagined, what really went on behind closed doors of every marriage in the world.

To her, behaviors that made people who have been trained in supporting abuse victims flinch were normal. They were her life. This is not a stupid woman, this is just someone who's been conditioned over many, many years to accept her abuse as normal.

And the problem with bullshit like 50SOG is that if her abuser watched it, he would see a Hollywood reflection of his behavior ALSO portrayed as normal, and even worse, as aspirational. It would show him that he was right, this is what women want deep down. It would show him that he was justified in his behavior, and that all his excuses are worth more than his wife's pain and fear.

yuuuuuuuuuup

Despite bra burning and the womens equality movement, most women still want to be possessed and protected by a strong man. It is a feral instinct.

/HULKS OUT

this is the shit that pisses me off SO MUCH

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2967 ]

Thank you for writing this

OP here and aww geez

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