fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2977 ]

[ SECRET POST #2977 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2977 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

[Paul Darrow]

__________________________________________________

06.

[Dragon Age: Inquisition]

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

(Bee and Puppycat)

__________________________________________________

09.

[Joan Watson, Elementary]

__________________________________________________

10.

(Marvel's Agents of Shield)

__________________________________________________

11.

[One Piece]

__________________________________________________

12.

__________________________________________________

13.

[Noah Emmerich, The Americans]

__________________________________________________

14.

[Teen Wolf]

__________________________________________________

15. [ WARNING for rape ]

__________________________________________________

16. [ WARNING for dubcon? ]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #425.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

maybe it's because i'm not big into celebrity culture, it feels really superficial to me when people mourn over celebrity deaths, especially publically or make quick references to their career (ex "you're free genie" in regards to Robin Williams) esp since almost everyone commenting doesn't /really/ know them, just appreciates the work they've done.

but guess that also goes for when people who weren't very close to person to begin with. like when someone at my school died it really annoyed me when people who hardly talked to them were so vocal about the loss and how they were suffering because of it. writing on a facebook wall really cheapens it. like it's more about them than it is the person who died.

like it's more about them than it is the person who died.

So? Mourning is supposed to be about that. We mourn because we're hurting over the loss. The person who died... is dead. There's nothing we can do that's really for them anymore.

The Internet is definitely weird and frustrating.

For instance, we've reached the point where the kind of commentary you're making is pretty much as de rigeur after a celebrity death as the initial tidal wave of mourning. Which is weird. Instant reaction is strange.

That said, while I can understand your points, at the same time... I don't know, people do have connections to people in pop culture sometimes. That's how the world works. IDK man. Sometimes it's gross but sometimes it's sincere.

I agree with this to some extent, especially for suicide. To put it as bluntly as possible, if you didn't care when there was still a chance to help, why do you care now that they're dead?

(The bit about Facebook walls reminds me of Welcome to Facebook. "You're using this girl's death to make yourself look like a more caring person? Wow. I can't believe how bad a person you are.")

To put it as bluntly as possible, if you didn't care when there was still a chance to help, why do you care now that they're dead?

Feo, you my dog, but this is bullshit

Well, with celebrities:

- because you didn't know they were suicidal and
- because no-one would let you near 'em even if you knew

Like, i just find this a rather odd statement. hell, it's hard enough to help someone close to you.

I was responding more to paragraph 2 than paragraph 1.

Sorry, I misunderstood then!

I've always felt that way about suicide. If the person needed help, it's not right for everyone who wasn't there for them in their time of need to be like "Omg, why? I'm so upset! I don't understand why they would do that."

I had a classmate who passed away and some of the people who bullied them acted like they were very upset over their death and said things like "X was such a good friend" and I'm just thinking "Bullshit. You're only trying to make yourself sound like a nice person, when in reality you probably contributed to X's death by treating them like garbage while they were alive."

I don't know. Not everyone is open about needing help or even about having problems. I don't think it makes sense to talk about what someone should have known or done, without being familiar with the circumstances.

No. You are wrong and you clearly have no idea what actual suicidal people are like.

Signed, a formerly suicidal person.

If the person needed help, it's not right for everyone who wasn't there for them in their time of need to be like "Omg, why? I'm so upset! I don't understand why they would do that."

Because of course everyone is both able to know when someone is suicidal AND able to provide help. No one else is dealing with their own issues and only just managing to keep themselves from coming apart at the seams.

Oh don't be fucking ridiculous. When I was social, I wasn't going around telling people about it. I was trying as hard as I could to put on a good face and keep that sir under wraps, because first of all, I didn't wanna burden anyone anymore than I already thought I was, and second of all, I didn't want anyone to know enough to be able to stop me. If I had succeeded, probably most people wouldn't have even known that I needed help. And that's the way it is for a LOT of suicidal people.

So you know what, fuck you, because you obviously have no clue what you're talking about and you're using people like me (or the people like me who didn't make it) to make a stupid, ignorant point. The person who doesn't actually care or understand is you.

SA

Damn phone. Suicidal, not social.

Holy shit. Do you think I have some kind of cause here? Some stupid movement to bowl people over with and act like I'm superior to them because they don't get it? I'm looking back at my post, and I can't see anything in it that goes enough against what you're saying to merit that kind of vehemence. You could read in some assumptions that would probably merit it, I guess, but I never intended to say anything that fucked up. (And if you're the same anon who responded to that other poster, great job on telling someone their personal experience has no basis in reality.)

Saying there's something wrong with people caring and being sad after someone they know commits suicide because they didn't care enough to help IS fucked up, and to get to that way of thinking, you have to make a whole bunch of assumptions about how suicidal people act. How can anybody help someone who hasn't said they need help and who's done everything they can to make it look like they don't? Should everyone just magically know somehow? Are people supposed to have some kind of "this person is suicidal" sense? And you're one o talk about invalidating experiences when you just said a bunch of people don't get to be sad when they lost someone because they didn't do enough to save them.

I didn't want to be saved and I tried to make sure no one could. It wasn't their fault, it wouldn't have been their fault of I died.

I have no idea what to say to this. Would "Sorry; I'll shut up now?" be enough? Any other response seems like it would be digging a bigger hole.

(And thank you for being so polite about it.)

And you're one o talk about invalidating experiences when you just said a bunch of people don't get to be sad when they lost someone because they didn't do enough to save them.

Hell yeah this.

NAYRT

but, at least on first reading, your post definitely looks like it's saying that if someone you know commits suicide, it's at least partly your fault for not helping them enough

in fact I'm not even sure what other reading of your post is even possible

and, I don't know, that does kind of seem like a really fucked up position to take

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2015-02-28 22:07 (UTC) - Expand

I kind of think this way, but then I'm pretty disinterested in celebrities in general. So I'm mostly on the "Oh that was sad scale" with slight bafflement that so many people are very sad over someone they didn't know dying?

I'm sure some people will just post or comment to make them look like they're ?more caring? but I'm just going to hope that most of the people really do care about the death and it's not some kinda meme-mourning because I will get a bit frowny there (as it does seem to cheapen it). I've seen a few comments about how he was a hero or an inspiration, so I figure people will be upset with the kind of connection dying. Not something I've experienced yet.

Kinda awkward, kinda sad. Will pass.

For celebrities, it always a little shocking because a lot of celebrities are just people who have always existed to me. Like they were their characters for years and years and years before I was born. So it's just sort of a constant reminder that, yeah, everyone is human. Every single pop culture star ages and dies. We're all mortal.

So like, weird existentialist stuff.

Also, since a lot of tumblr and fandom spaces are really young, Robin Williams might've been their first big celebrity death. I remember when Bernie Mac died, I was in shock for about a week.

Got nothing for your paragraph two though. Had a couple kids die at my schools in middle and high school. I didn't know either of them, but both schools went into full mourning. I just sort of paid my own silent respects, let people do what they needed to cope regardless of how close they actually were, etc.

I definitely think people can over dramatize how much they are mourning, but I do think it's possible to mourn someone you didn't really know. Especially with celebs, it's possible to think it's sad, and know you are going to miss their work.

It can also sometimes hit personal feelings, like if someone died in a similar way to someone else in your life, or on an anniversary. Robin Williams death hit me hard because I've dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts often, so hearing someone I grew up with passed in that way kind of knocked the wind out of me.

And re: the second paragraph, it's sad but sometimes people don't realize they care at all until someone is gone. It shouldn't be that way but it's pretty common.

A classmate of mine died in high school. It was pretty sudden and tragic, and while it wasn't the end of the world (and I admittedly didn't know him well), it still upset me and threw me for a loop. His locker was right next to mine, I saw him five days a week, we smiled at each other and went on our way. I don't know how to explain it, but I didn't have to be close to him for his death to impact me. (We didn't have facebook back then, and I've never been a facebook fan anyway, but I can see why people would mention it there. Facebook has become a regular part of those people's lives.)

Again with the celebrity thing...you don't have to know someone personally to feel like you know them (even a small part of them), and you can respect and like them for what you do know about them.

Plus, some people just take death harder than others.

This probably isn't going to help any, but that's how it is for me, anyway.

I agree. People mean well, but it can't help but feel superficial when it's someone who really wasn't a huge part of their lives before (Robin Williams is a good example) but now their minor role seems hugely significant only because they're dead. I chalk it up to part of the grieving process.

Every time this comes up I have trouble understanding why it's such a hard concept for some people to understand. You don't have to have had a personal relationship with someone to love the beauty they have brought into the world, or to have let that beauty touch you.

When someone or something of value--defined by each individual--is permanently lost, what do you do but mourn? It doesn't matter that I never sat down and broke bread with Robin Williams or Leonard Nimoy or Monet. I still mourn the fact that there will be no more beloved characters created by Robin, no more positive energy and wisdom imparted by Mr. Nimoy, no more beautiful paintings by Monet.

When I express grief at their loss, I am saying they mattered. That I appreciate what they gave to us while they were here. When I express such grief in public, I'm not trying to draw attention to myself; I'm telling like-minded people they aren't alone in their pain and joining them in celebrating the life of the lost.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2977 ]

tw: death

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death

Re: tw: death