[ SECRET POST #2979 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2979 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 091 secrets from Secret Submission Post #426.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

08. http://i.imgbox.com/P7prdTw7.png

[feotakahari]

This seems like a question that might be better directed to http://bad-rpers-suck.livejournal.com. (I'd be willing to repost it if you don't want to attach your Livejournal to it.)

[(Anonymous)]

I would say they get one announcement that due to personal reasons you will never answer another IC ask from them, ever again. Nor will you ever discuss the matter again.

And then hold firm. Never respond to them, ignore them. If you want to avoid friends dogpiling and really take the high road you can reply to unrelated asks on your main blog, but pretend like the RP related questions aren't happening.

Stay firm. If you give in to badgering you just teach them how much badgering they need to do to get you to respond. If others ask just go "It's personal and I'm not going to discuss it" and then ignore the topic with them too.

There will likely be extinction escalation, where for a few days to a week they will do anything and everything to get you to reply to them and get their fix. Hold firm, if you persist they will eventually give up most likely.

[(Anonymous)]

And adding on to my own reply, yes they will likely use their mental health as a blackmail chip. But pretending that you have the power to make them hurt themselves or not is enabling them and worsening their chance at recovery. To be kind, you must not respond to it and force them to accept that they're in control of if they message you or not and what they do.

They can't chose to be hurt by someone else's actions, but they can choose their own actions. You are not responsible for them.

[dreemyweird]

I'm seconding all of this.

Gosh, OP, your situation sounds nightmarish. I'm sorry :/ Good luck, though!

[(Anonymous)]

Completely agreed.

[(Anonymous)]

I support this as well. You are not responsible for someone else's mental health, and being blackmailed is bad for yours.

[(Anonymous)]

Alright, so get really for some fucked up advice. This is 100% inmature, 100% emotional blackmail, and approximatelly 1,000.000% more likely to work than any of the more mature responses.

Beat them at the same gain. Complain loudly about how their pestering is stressing you out SO much. They say they're afraid they might relapse and start cutting? You tell the rest of the group that their behavior is giving you suicidal ideation.

Make sure to paint their behavior as very abusive. Learn SJW buzzwords and use them profusely, they're perfect for that. Make them DREAD trying to use their mental disorder as a excuse for their shitty fucking behavior.

[(Anonymous)]

wow, we had the same thought.

[(Anonymous)]

Seconding this.

Start vagueblogging about how this person's pressure is making you suicidal. Don't name any names, but use enough details that the person will know it's them. If they send you a bunch of "I'm going to cut" asks, screencap them all, and post them as an image on your blog (with the name erased) and talked about how trigger,,e,red you are? Like??? now yuo fele liek u mihgt eb ni a bda plaec???

[(Anonymous)]

That's a dick move but I'm pretty sure it would work. I'm impressed, I would never have thought of it on my own.

[(Anonymous)]

that's some disgusting manipulation. sorry, OP.
I guess you could call them out successfully with some buzz words about abuse (which it is) and that could "trump" her self harm threat.
but I agree that it would be better to go the high road.
block everyone involved with them and close your asks on your main.

[(Anonymous)]

Claim they're triggering you and cause a wanksplosion that will split your RP group in two. Then you'll have a smaller RP group, without the annoying person.

[(Anonymous)]

It blows, but one so called fellow fan can ruin everything. You may have to pick up your marbles and go home for a while until this person gets distracted and goes away.

[(Anonymous)]

Block this person and block her friends as well. Toxic manipulators don't deserve your attention.

[chardmonster]

I want to say the person threatening to cut themselves is probably lying, but that isn't necessarily helpful. There's always the chance they aren't.

So here's the thing: if this person is going to fucking cut themselves over YOUR RP BLOG, this self harm is in no way your fault. If it wasn't you, it'd be something else. Send them a link to a list of sites where they can get help. Tell them (kindly) that it's obvious that interacting with you is hurting rather than helping. Then block them and do not under any circumstances unblock them.

[(Anonymous)]

This is manipulation and emotional blackmail at worst, OP, and it's using a mental disorder to excuse shitty behavior at best.

Having a mental health problem doesn't suddenly make you illiterate when someone asks you to stop doing something. Especially if they have to do it repeatedly. You don't say how you've asked them to stop, but hopefully you were as reasonable and polite as the situation allows. They know where you stand and they still choose to behave the way they're behaving, and you should not be going on this guilt trip because of it.

You're an RP blog. You're not responsible for someone else's mental health.

If you need to, then respond once more, and state calmly but firmly that you've asked for them to pull back on this behavior many times and since they haven't respected your wishes you won't be responding to them anymore. Direct them to helpful resources if that makes you feel better about it, but ultimately what they choose to do is not the burden of an RP blog.

Transcript

[(Anonymous)]

Image: just the text below

Text: I can't be too specific of the fandom without giving my anonymity away, so I will claim the fandom is Inuyasha and pretend I'm RPing as Sesshoumaru for simplicity's sake. (The fandom character I actually play is similar to him.)

I have an RP blog on Tumblr that I have been running for about a year. I used to enjoy it immensely. There's one person who constantly sends Sesshoumaru questions. Questions that Sesshoumaru's in-character response to would be a disdainful look and nothing else. If I don't answer them immediately, they send their question again and spam his inbox with "Sesshoumaru? Are you there?" Then they go to my main and tell me they sent me questions. Arrrgh!

I spoke to the OOC about the inbox spam. It stops them for a week and then it restarts. This person acts totally wounded any time I remind them. They reply with things like, "I'm so sorry! I know I'm a piece of shit! I'll stop! Please don't hate me! I don't want to relapse and cut again!" I tried blocking; they had their friends dogpile my main until I unblocked again.

I'm highly tempted to shut off my inbox because I don't want to be responsible for it if this person goes haywire and hurts themselves. They are literally sucking all the fun out of my RP blog and I'm going for longer periods without logging on just to avoid the Excessive Questioner. Deleting and remaking is not an option as I'm part of an RP group where my new URL will be public. Excessive Questioner is in the group too. I love playing this blog; I don't want to give it up over ONE PERSON. What should I do?

[(Anonymous)]

Don't RP on Tumblr. I'm not even joking. It's full of people like that and no matter what character you play, you WILL get clingy obsessive creepers or people who whine at you constantly for RP and then throw massive fits if you say no. It just isn't worth it when there are so much better places to RP.

tw self-harm + suicide

[(Anonymous)]

I feel for you. I've had someone pull similar shit on me in the past and it sucked majorly. In my case, the person in question dragged me into some drama she was having with a mutual friend. The mutual friend had stopped talking to her, and she told me that if I didn't make the friend talk to her again, she'd kill herself. When I ignored her message, she started making threads all over the forum about how I was a terrible person who wanted her to kill herself.

Sad thing is that a lot of people actually took her side. No one really thought I actively wanted her to kill herself, but they did seem to think that I was being a dick and had somehow wronged her. The worst part is that at the time I was self-harming a lot (mostly unrelated to the drama) and having a lot of suicidal thoughts, which obviously made it even more unpleasant to receive suicide threats from someone. I ended up leaving the forum, which was probably for the best. Even though there's no way it was my fault, I spent so much time being afraid that I really was responsible for her declining mental health that the forum wasn't fun anymore.

My only suggestion would be to delete and remake, but to connect your new blog to a different RP group. I hope you end up finding a better solution.

[(Anonymous)]

does your rp group have mods? if so, this is prime shit to take to them.

[(Anonymous)]

Block them and block their friends when the dogpile you. If it spirals, post a link to this secret post.

[(Anonymous)]

You said that the person is asking questions that your character's IC response to would be a disdainful look. So, maybe respond to all their asks with a disdainful look gif?

That way, you're not ignoring them so they can't keep prodding you, you don't have to stress over whether to reply or what to say if you do, and over time they might stop asking you things because all they get is the same response. If they complain, well, you're just sticking to what the character would do, and isn't that what they wanted out of you in the first place? To ask stuff of the character?

[annethecatdetective]

You are absolutely not responsible for anything that this person may or may not do-- right now, it sounds like you are very much the victim. This is an emotional abuse tactic, they are holding you hostage by trusting that you're the type of person who would feel guilty and responsible over the thought of their following through on these threats, but you can't know that they've ever even had a cutting problem that they would be going back to. A lot of people who use this kind of (veiled) threat to control others never have any intention to harm themselves if things don't go their way.

Block them, and if their terrible friends make a stink, block them, too. You deserve to take part in fandom without being treated like this.

[(Anonymous)]

That is some heavy emotional manipulation and blackmail there OP. Sorry you're dealing with this bullshit. I'm agreeing with everyone else on blocking the person and blocking their friends. This person's behavior is shitty and the fact that their friends seem to condone it is equally shitty.