[ SECRET POST #3003 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3003 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 043 secrets from Secret Submission Post #429.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: "I need you more than you need me."

[herpymcderp]

I don't think there's a correct response to that statement. The person saying this to you is very clearly depressed (someone might have beaten me to this one) and that's just a bad situation for any relationship.

You can try to reassure them that you value them, but if they already have this idea in their head it's fairly unlikely that that will make them drop it.

Unfortunately, when people are depressed the amount of attention and investment you give to them is just never enough. You could be spending all your time trying to take care of their needs and it wouldn't stop them from being depressed or thinking that you aren't invested.

It's probably time for them to seek some counselling.

Re: "I need you more than you need me."

[(Anonymous)]

They are indeed depressed and I have suggested professional help before, but it hasn't happened yet.

I guess I'm just really stuck in this cycle of wondering if I'm just not being a good enough support or if I really don't love them as much as they love me. I've told myself before it's their depression talking, but I have this annoying little voice in my head constantly telling me those other things and I continue to feel indecisive. I think what's not helping is the fact that I can't discern my feelings (my emotions or how I feel about people in general, including them) at all most days.

Re: "I need you more than you need me."

[kallanda_lee]

Don't blame yourself. Don't blame them either. If it's indeed depression they're, quite literally, not thinking the way they normally would.

It's a shit situation that is nobody's fault.

Encourage professional help, but if they won't, do listen to their reasons (is it money, past bad experiences, stigma etc stopping them).

There's different kinds of therapy (CBT isn't psychoanalysis, for example), and there might be self-help groups that are free (or feel less daunting than one-on-one therapy).

It's so easy to get "stuck" wit depression, sometimes people giving ou options you haven't thought of is important.


Just be the best friend you can be, while still setting clear boundaries so you do not get sucked into the abyss with them.

Re: "I need you more than you need me."

[herpymcderp]

It's totally normal to feel this. It's completely normal to feel burnout and like maybe you're starting to, indeed, not love them as much as they profess because it's taxing to anyone to be in a relationship with someone who is ill or depressed.

You are likely putting aside your own self-care and pouring resources into caring for someone else, and that takes a toll on you no matter how strong your feelings for someone are.

It's time to lean a little harder on that help train. Offer to go with them as moral support if need be, but if you do continue to try to manage this yourself it stands a good chance of putting a rift in your relationship.

Re: "I need you more than you need me."

[kallanda_lee]

While I agree that the amount of investment or attention might never seem enough for the person, that doesn't mean you can't give them any.

Even just a call once a week to say: "hey, I'm thinking of you, I hope you're well" can do wonders in the grand scheme of things (even if they might not even see it that way).

I must say I sort of resent the "friends" who disappeared altogether.

Re: "I need you more than you need me."

[herpymcderp]

I didn't mean to imply that you shouldn't keep contact with someone who is depressed. In fact, you absolutely should, because depressed people deserve support.

I just meant that you shouldn't feel pressured to be the only means of support or to give more attention than you can afford, because the reality of depression is that that won't be enough no matter what you do.