[ SECRET POST #3027 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3027 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 099 secrets from Secret Submission Post #433.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[blitzwing]

This sounds like you're trying to justify not changing your own behavior. I mean you're not even wrong, but it doesn't sound right coming from you.

But that's the thing, we're not talking about a behavior. Like, arrogance is a behavior and I'm trying to work on that because it's bad and decreasing it will make me a better person. Shaving or not shaving doesn't change who you are, it's a minor physical trait. Whether someone likes it or not is up to their attraction quirks, it's not actually harmful.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

It sounds like you're going "well I don't care, so why should anybody?"

Just because your partner can live with something, doesn't mean it's best to force them to. Maybe the boyfriend wants to make the concession to make his partner happy, just like op wants to make the concession to make the boyfriend happy. It is entirely possible to want to do things for the sake of other people, and you seem to be missing the point of that emotion entirely.

[blitzwing]

It is entirely possible to want to do things for the sake of other people, and you seem to be missing the point of that emotion entirely.

Maybe so. I can't understand what prompts someone to tell their partner that they don't like X physical trait about them.

"Oh honey, you're soooo hot--except your armpits, those make me want to vomit."

[(Anonymous)]

You can't imagine a SINGLE scenario?

How about this one?

I'm surfing FS. My boyfriend sees me making a comment on a thread about armpit hair, saying that I prefer when people don't have any.

He happens to have pit hair. He says he never knew that about my preferences, and does his hair bother me? I say well I prefer everyone without it, but it isn't a huge deal obviously. He offers to shave for me. I happily accept, and inquire whether he has any hair preferences. He says he'd love it if I did X or Y with my hair. I don't find that much of a problem to do, and now we are both happy.

This of course requires everyone to be mature about it.

[blitzwing]

If I talked shit on one of my girlfriend's traits online, and she saw me at it, there's no way in hell I would take her up on her offer to change her trait for me. I'd be making sure she knew I loved her the way she is.

[(Anonymous)]

It is possible to love someone the way they are and also have preferences. If my boyfriend said he liked people with shorter hair but loved me the way I was, and having shorter hair wasn't a big deal to me, why not change it? If it is a big deal or hassle to me, I can say no because I know he loves me anyway.

I see no reason to stubbornly insist that I am perfect the way I am or get insecure about this. Why do you assume everyone would get insecure?

[blitzwing]

I can say no because I know he loves me anyway.

Then say no. Or say yes. But whether it bothers you or not, if you wouldn't have cut your hair and would have preferred long hair, and his comment made you change it something you like less, then he did a bad thing, in my opinion.

Getting your partners to do things they don't like or make choices they don't like is not something you should feel okay doing.

[(Anonymous)]

I feel okay doing it and I feel okay having it done to me because I am not someone who insists I am perfect exactly the way I am and that if you can't handle me exactly as I am then you shouldn't be dating me. If someone said that to me, I'd run like fuck because this is a huge red flag that they are completely unwilling to compromise.

If my partner had a habit that annoyed me it's not a dilemma between either 100% accepting him the way he is or walking out the door. There are choices between those two things, like talking about it like mature adults. It's not as black and white as you make it out to be.

Being forced or unduly pressured is one thing. Being asked about something with the knowledge that saying no is totally okay is another. Nobody, including OP, is saying that the armpit hair is a dealbreaker, only a turn-off.

[blitzwing]

if you can't handle me exactly as I am then you shouldn't be dating me.

Maybe in regards to behaviors and actions. With physical traits, I don't think it's a red-flag to say that a partner shouldn't have to change the way they look for a partner.

There are choices between those two things, like talking about it like mature adults. It's not as black and white as you make it out to be.

It's not that it's black and white, it's that you keep having to bring up behaviors and "annoying habits" because those are things that are a lot more impactful and omnipresent.

Physical traits and preferences are largely arbitrary. We're not talking about "Stop spraying food on me at the dinner table, could you keep your mouth closed?" we're talking about "Rid yourself of this natural trait that you and ever other person is born with."


Being forced or unduly pressured is one thing. Being asked about something with the knowledge that saying no is totally okay is another. Nobody, including OP, is saying that the armpit hair is a dealbreaker, only a turn-off.

Telling someone that you don't like someone is pressure, even if it's slight. Yes, they can say no, and since you're a mature person, you'll drop it there, but the pressure was still applied.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Shaving is not "changing the way you look," it's a minor hygiene alteration. It'd be more akin to asking your partner to brush their teeth more often because they're prone to bad breath otherwise - it may not be an issue at all outside of the relationship, but if it's a turnoff for your partner, it's something that's probably worth addressing.

You're being ridiculously hyperbolic about this entire thing. There's nothing bad or wrong about asking a partner to make minor changes to make the overall relationship happier. Mature adults are able to recognize that they aren't perfect and that sometimes it's worth compromising on something small for the sake of something else that's more important.

[(Anonymous)]

Body hair isn't unhygienic.

[(Anonymous)]

Taking care of it is part of a hygiene routine, and on some people it can be a hygiene issue because it can trap BO if you sweat a lot. If I don't shave on a regular basis, my pits will sweat like crazy and stink no matter how much deodorant I use. Not even clinical strength deodorant is enough to stop it.

If I do shave, it's not a problem at all.

[(Anonymous)]

And other people find that they have fewer BO issues when they allow their armpit hair to grow out. Which experience cancels out the other?

It's disingenuous to try and re-frame this as a hygiene issue. The thread you so helpfully jumped into was about cosmetic changes to the body, not about hygiene.

[blitzwing]

Mature adults are able to recognize that they aren't perfect

Body hair isn't a character flaw.

[(Anonymous)]

But if they're willingly doing it because it's no skin off their nose and it makes their partner happy, how is that bad?

[blitzwing]

It's not necessarily bad for them, but I personally feel it's wrong to do to a partner.

Personally.

[(Anonymous)]

Yet we all know that what concerns you personally must by also apply to everyone else because you are so smart and know everything.

(frozen comment)

[blitzwing]

Nope, not at all. What I value and what I find appropriate is not going to be the same for everyone.

Also, if you can refrain from the excessive compliments that would be great. You may not have heard, but I have an ego problem.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, right. Well, how about this? You are scum and nobody will ever really love you.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Oi. Fuck off with that shit.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

shut up blitzy

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not even. Just an anon who doesn't like that kind of thing.

If nothing else, what makes you think Blitzwing would go anon about this