[ SECRET POST #3038 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3038 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 036 secrets from Secret Submission Post #434.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: What a terrible last day.

[lb_lee]

Uh, dude, there is absolutely NOBODY that could do that maneuver on me that I would find funny.

Do I really want to wait to see how hard they SQUEEZE before I resist that? Seriously.

--Rogan

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

Obvi you don't have to put up with it, but the difference is in intent. If your prof is trying to hurt you, it's different than if your prof did a common gesture he didn't realize would be upsetting. Calling the police in instant two DOES seem extreme.

Also "he had a crush on me and wants to use my brilliance," sounds fishy to me.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

OP

I only mentioned the crush thing and my study focus because they played factors in how he saw me differently from the other students. Even the classmates who spoke with me after the choking thing said it was clear he treated me differently, and it wasn't in my head that I felt his attention on me was different.

To be clear: I never opened an avenue for him to pursue anything past a professional relationship. I never with him outside of classes, except for two occasions where I met with him during office hours to talk about school work.

I never, ever invited him to touch me, or gave him permission to approach me. This was literally the first time he ever physically touched me.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

I was thinking along the same lines.

Was what the prof did appropriate? No

Was what OP did in response appropriate? No

You don't have to think it's okay for someone to jokingly choke for you to not think it's okay for someone to have cops called on them for it.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

OP

I'm sorry, I was scared. I wasn't friends with the professor, and his interest was one sided. I was uncomfortable with the kind of pressure he was putting on me earlier, and I tried to make sure our relationship was nothing but professional.

Even if he felt comfortable joke choking me, it scared me. I'm not someone who likes to be touch, and I don't initiate touch with others, either.

I just didn't know what to do. My classmates suggested I talk to the student crisis hotline, but it was closed for the day. So I called the university police, but I chickened out and didn't tell them who it was that choked me, and even told the desk officer I was probably blowing things up. So I deflected and left an incomplete report.

I feel stupid. I;m sorry for causing problems, and I'm sorry for making more problems. I'm sorry, I really am.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think you did any harm.

Did you indicate to the professor afterward that he scared you with what he did and shouldn't try that on anyone else without warning? He still might not have a clue.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

Don't listen to these asswipes. They're victim-blaming, mansplaining assholes who are looking for a reason to blame you. You did right.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

Mansplaining? Are you trolling? What does mansplaining have to do with anything??

Re: What a terrible last day.

[caerbannog]

Anon you have nothing to apologise for. The professor was way out of line and you have reacted appropriately. AYRT doesn't seem to understand that randomly choking someone, especially a student, is incredibly inappropriate behaviour. AYRT laughing it off as a joke is incorrect and avoiding holding the professor available for poor behaviour.

You have done nothing wrong and nothing to apologise for.

I do encourage you complete your report and name the professor. He is unlikely to be firef over a first incident but it is important he gets talked to about inappropriate behaviour so he doesn't do it again. If it's NOT an isolated incident the uni deserves to know.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

NO

Fuck you, this is bullshit. "It's a joke" is not an excuse to choke people. If someone assaults you physically, then calling the police is an appropriate reaction.

If the man thinks its okay to choke people as a joke, then he needs to learn that it's not okay. If that means getting the police called on him, than that's what it means. The world is not going to stop and coddle you for having a fucked up sense what's okay.

In the real world if you assault someone physically they will call the police, even if you say its a joke.

Actions have consequences.

(frozen comment) Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

Touching someone is not assault, no matter how many delicate flowers want to say it is, and OP's story is not a convincing one. "He choked me! In class!" is not believable. What is believable? OP lost her shit at something innocuous.

(frozen comment) Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

This is not tapping someone on the shoulder, and you don't have to be a delicate flower to think that even pretending to choke someone is NOT innocuous.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

If you think that's "a common gesture" that a supposedly intelligent person would never realize was upsetting...

Re: What a terrible last day.

[lb_lee]

Uh, putting hands on someone's throat and choking them is pretty upsetting. I don't think this requires great genius on someone's part. I would be TOTALLY fine with OP calling the police. If he hasn't done anything wrong, he has nothing to fear and should just not grab people's necks anymore.

--Rogan

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

Is it really a common gesture? I've seen people jokingly pantomime choking someone while not actually touching anyone, but I can't say that I've ever seen anyone actually put their hands on someone while pretending to choke them. It would seriously freak me out if someone "jokingly" choked me out of the blue like that.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

Different anon completely.

I've seen it, multiple times. Usually with dramatic flailing of hands and declarations of "GRR no I'm SO MAD at you! SO MAD!" beforehand. Men and women both. At least one teacher too. No police were ever called, everyone understood it was joking.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

Same anon as above comment.

No comment on OP or the professor, just answering the question of have people seen it happen.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

OP

Jesus if people need to know specifically how he choked me, it went like this:

I walked up to him surreptitiously before the class started for good but after everyone else had come in. There's a certain amount of chatter and moving around before everyone settles down. I came up to him during this time so as not to disrupt the class.

I told him I would be going to the other university for my doctorate. He didn't say anything, just sort of gave this fixed smile, lifted his hands to the level of my shoulders, wrapped his hands completely around my neck and shook me gently back and forth.

When I felt this hand gone on too long, I lifted my hands and grabbed his forearms to show him I was uncomfortable. After a few seconds of that, he let go.

I am not a touchy person. I don't even like my family touching me. There was no reason for him to think that I would have thought this was friendly or comfortable.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

I've seen it multiple times, usually accompanied by exaggerated facial expressions of mock anger or disappointment.

That said, if the person it was done to isn't okay with it, that's not cool.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

You're why people don't report these things, jesus.

I'm sorry, but who the fuck puts their hands around someone's neck.

Quit protecting the asshole of a professor, quit mansplaining shit, quit putting down fucking victims.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

FYI: Not a man, in any capacity, so not mansplaining.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

Doesn't matter, women can also mansplain for abusive men. Happens all the time.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

Regardless of the professors intent there is a time and place - and a professional setting is not the place to manhandle people. This is inappropriate work place and social behaviour.
Ive certainly never seen or heard of this as a "common gesture".

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

FFS Thank you!

Someone gets it. People need to learn and understand that this is not appropriate behavior. No excuses.

Re: What a terrible last day.

[(Anonymous)]

Whaaaat? Where the fuck do you live that it's a "common gesture" to pretend to choke people? I have never, in my entire three decades on this planet, seen people who are friends or family members pretend to choke one another. And even if it was something that happened, it's totally unprofessional and out of line for a professor to pretend to choke a student.

You're daft, man.