[ SECRET POST #3056 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3056 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 062 secrets from Secret Submission Post #437.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Advice Column

[(Anonymous)]

I've been roleplaying with my friends for two years now. We meet once every week or every other week, depending on schedule. I love it to bits, it's usually the thing I most look forward to in a week.

Lately, though, I've noticed a pattern. After each roleplaying session I get very intense bouts of self-loathing. Idk why, but it sucks. :(

Any thoughts on how to ease this or how to get to the bottom of it?

Hmm.

[(Anonymous)]

Are you playing a not-so-nice character? If so, remember, you are not your character.

Are you comparing yourself with a friend or friends in the group who seem to have everything? If so, don't. You are you, they are them and everything is not necessarily the way it seems.

Is one of your friends really negative? This attitude can rub off on you, especially after extended periods of contact. Just try not to buy into it. Some people just have a negative outlook.

Re: Hmm.

[(Anonymous)]

My character is mostly just kinda sad. He got put in an NPC's spot in the first campaign, which cause most of his family to die. I sometimes wonder if playing him makes me more receptive to bad thoughts? Because I do emphatize a lot with the character.

The people there I love to bits. None of them are particularly negative or anything. Idk, it's just I love them all a lot, but then I don't love myself? Maybe I am comparing my qualities to theirs, and I just don't notice?

Thank you for trying to help.

Re: Advice Column

[a_potato]

Has any part of the group dynamic changed? Is your character interacting less with the group? Does it seem like you're participating less in combat, or like the GM is giving your character less to do?

Can you suss out any of the thoughts that go through your head when you're feeling the self-loathing?

Re: Advice Column

[(Anonymous)]

No the group dynamic is fine I think. I mean, we take turns in running campaigns and I've been playing as my character a lot more than usually, although I've had same things happen while I was GMing too.

Basically it's a lot of repetitive thoughts like "I am too loud. I am too controlling. I am a bad person" and then random spikes of shame like "remember when you said X to friend (3 months ago)? That was insensitive and you are a horrible person", after which I just usually repeat something to myself like "stop" or "only 80 meters", until it goes away.

Re: Advice Column

[a_potato]

Sounds like social anxiety. I used to have a lot of thoughts like that, too (it's better, now, but they still do pop up from time to time). It really sucks, and I'm sorry that you're experiencing it.

I think what you're doing now is a good strategy, especially since it seems to work. Developing narratives that contradict the negative thoughts can help, as well ("no, you're not a bad person. You're a good person. Here's why." "You're not too loud or controlling. Everyone else had fun tonight. Here are some examples"), as can taking deep, calming breaths.

Do you have anyone whom you deeply trust that you can share your thoughts with? Sometimes, when I get really overwhelmed by a thought pattern, I've found sharing it and asking whether it's actually rational can be really helpful. I might not be able to talk myself into letting go of the thought, but they can.

A couple of other things that have helped me:
-making it a point to acknowledge the good things that I do and to dwell on them
-lowering my expectations when it comes to interactions with others (seems counterintuitive, but it's helped me to not feel as if I always have to be "on" or that I need to be perfect. Since I don't expect others to be perfect, and I can recognize that they're not and yet still are loved, I can rationalize the fact that I'm not, either)
-doing mental relaxation exercises (meditation, for example)

I hope at least some of this is helpful! I don't think it's possible to ever make these kinds of thoughts go away entirely, but it's definitely possible to manage them and reduce their impact.

Re: Advice Column

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you. This is probably the most concrete advice I've ever gotten on these things. A therapist I visit (not because of social anxiety per se, although it comes up) usually just nods or goes "But that really isn't the case, is it?" which is... not really helpful? At least to me. I know I'm being irrational most of the time, but they just keep coming.

I've contacted a friend, who I know has experience on these things and who is not part of the RP group (I really don't want them to know, which isn't odd I hope) and we talked it over and she made me see positive sides to being loud, which was what was bothering me tonight it seems. She has said I can come talk to her whenever I get these.

I will definitely try to keep these tips in mind (I should probably write them down). I mean, you occasionally see them in those lists that go around tumblr or whatever, but it feels better when it's coming from a person and not just masterlist of dealing with things or whatever. My sincere thanks, again.

Re: Advice Column

[a_potato]

That's great that you have a friend like that who you can talk to.

You're welcome, anon, and good luck! If you're comfortable, let me know how you're doing with it in the future!