[ SECRET POST #3077 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3077 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[Lackadaisy Cats]


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03.
(Gorillaz)


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04.
(Tripping over you)


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05.
[Stitchers]


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06.
[Dragon Age]


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07.
[The Mighty Boosh]


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08.
[LOVE LIVE!]


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09.
[Brooklyn 99]


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10.
[Mad Max Fury Road]


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11.
[Maggie Stiefvater]


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12.
[Emily Alice Ovenden]


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13.
[When Marnie Was There/Omoide no Marnie]


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14.
(Rick and Morty)


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15.
[Suppression]


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16.
[Wall-e]


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17.
[Ancillary Justice & Ancillary Sword]







Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 086 secrets from Secret Submission Post #440.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[philstar22]

This. Sometimes I just want to rant without being told what to do or having someone try to help. I try to be a good listener to others and let them rant to me, but there isn't anyone in my life who does the same thing for me.

[(Anonymous)]

Dude, if someone is ranting at you about something, it is your natural inclination to offer advice. Because normal people figure, "Oh, this person is describing a problem to me, I should help them solve this problem. Why else would they be ranting about this problem to me???"

[philstar22]

Really? That's not my natural reaction at all. I figure that people aren't looking for advice unless they ask for it. Otherwise, they are just looking for someone to listen.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Actually AYRT is correct.

It's also been posited that the 'fix-it' mentality is very much a masculine communication style, while the initial reaction to just listen and let someone vent is a feminine communication style -- i.e. problem-solving vs. empathy.

Being a woman whose first instinct when someone complains or speaks to me about a problem is "Okay, so how do we fix this thing that's bothering you?" (and who, likewise, wouldn't discuss a problem with someone else in the first place unless I was looking for help) I'm not sure I hold much weight to that, but the different approaches to communication most definitely exist.

[diet_poison]

My mom is actually way more fixit in general than my dad. My dad just throws out advice to stuff in casual conversation, but when I actually go to him about a problem, he's much more likely to listen, commiserate, share stories of similar experiences, and offer advice (as in ask, "do you want advice?") if he has it without just spouting it off. My mom on the other hand cannot listen to me say "man I just feel rotten because reasons" without going "well why don't you XYZ then" which is a very annoying response.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think that's true for everyone in the world, and to the extent that it is true, it's an incredibly easy instinct to retrain.

Also, it's really pretty easy to tell when someone is just ranting compared to when they want advice.

Also, most of the time, they won't even mind if you do give them advice, as long as the advice is prefaced by you listening to them and offering some commiseration, and don't just, like, immediately roll up your sleeves and dive in to fixing their life

[philstar22]

This so much. Especially that last bit. What annoys me is the people who just want to tell me how to fix things without expressing sympathy. Or who want to give advice even when I specifically say I'm not looking for advice and just want to rant (aka my dad who I have to tell this to because he always gives advice).

[(Anonymous)]

Right?

It's kind of weird to talk about, because it seems so obvious and natural, but I also know there was a time when I didn't really get it at all, and that just seems bizarre to me now (also, i didn't really get it until i was probably already like... 22, which just makes me feel ashamed and dumb).

People are silly, basically.

[(Anonymous)]

Sometimes--especially if the remedy seems obvious and the ranter seems oblivious to it--it's hard to express sympathy because one doesn't feel much of it.

[(Anonymous)]

Frankly if the thing you're complaining about is fixable and you seem to prefer the complaining rather than the fixing, good luck getting sympathy for your self pity.

[diet_poison]

this sooooo much. I'm often looking for emotional support, because I guarantee you I have already considered all the options you're giving me as advice. It may be that I'm not ready to try something or it won't work for other reasons, but if I'm talking to you (general you) about why I feel bad it's because I want emotional support, full stop.

[(Anonymous)]

"Also, it's really pretty easy to tell when someone is just ranting compared to when they want advice."

Really?

How?

[diet_poison]

I wouldn't agree that it's always easy, but you can always ask. "Hey, do you want some advice, or just a listening ear? I'm cool either way!"

[diet_poison]

I haaaaaate talking to serial fixits when I'm upset. Sorry if you don't think I'm a "normal person" but it's actually very common to simply want an outlet for something that's upsetting you without wanting advice.

[diet_poison]

This wasn't even a rant situation. It was literally "do you want advice on driving in the rain" which, no, I know perfectly well how to drive in the rain, thanks.

I was also irrationally upset and feel kinda bad now. This is my dad who is someone I respect a great deal, but that just makes it hurt more when it feels like he doesn't think I'm capable of going basic adult things. And he's a serial advice-giver. :/

ETA: I do agree about the rant situation though some people are very inclined to give advice because that's what they'd want. It can create some disparity in both directions.

[philstar22]

Your dad and my dad share that in common. So much unsolicited advice. As well as reminding me to do basic things like brushing my teeth or cleaning just before we hang up on Skype even though I'll be 30 in a month.

[diet_poison]

haha, that sounds obnoxious.

After the fact, I wish I hadn't gotten so annoyed. I trust my dad more than basically anyone, it sucks that these conflicts keep coming up. :/