[ SECRET POST #3080 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3080 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Dead Poets Society]


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[Tobey Macguire]


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[Billy Connolly]


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(Marvel Cinematic Universe/Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.l.D.)


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[Love Live]


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[Life is Strange]


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(Hysterical Literature/Walt Whitman)


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 032 secrets from Secret Submission Post #440.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

In regards to how it effects your marriage? yes, it is.

[(Anonymous)]

what on earth are you saying

[(Anonymous)]

Well, if you define bisexuality as "wanting to bone any and all people of any and all genders," then, yeah, I guess so. But I don't think anyone can reasonably defend the notion that a new understanding of one's sexuality is the same as having sexual desires for a specific acquaintance.

[(Anonymous)]

Then wtf is OP's problem? What does she have to do with the info? Unless she thinks about acting on it, IT DOESN'T EFFECT HER LIFE IN ANY WAY.

Yesterday I didn't like girls.
Today I like girls.

Between those two days, nothing will change in her life unless she decides to explore this side of her sexuality.

[(Anonymous)]

realizing you're attracted to a gender is weird and new and exciting and sometimes discombobulating and sometimes involved internalized homophobia or EXTERNAL homophobia and OP is allowed to feel however she damn well pleases about it

[(Anonymous)]

All of this. Plus it leads to a feeling of "I wish I'd dated more." Which in a 20 year old marriage can be kind of a normal feeling anyway. This just adds a whole other layer to the road not taken ennui.

[(Anonymous)]

How can you be a participant in the world we live in and think that sexuality, like Schroedinger's proverbial cat, has no meaning/effect upon one's life until you "use" it?

[diet_poison]

I was trying to think of a good way to respond to that comment and you nailed it.

[(Anonymous)]

I think it was the way OP phrased it - "I think I'm bisexual but I've been married for a while what do I do" that made it seem like the OP herself was thinking about acting on it. As if suddenly realising she's bisexual meant she now has some sort of obligation to go fuck a woman now. It's prbably not what she meant, but the whole "I'm married" part was what made it sound like it.

[(Anonymous)]

Well, I don't know, I can see it being really confusing if you've been married to someone who's one gender for a long time and suddenly you realize you're attracted to the other gender, too. It didn't come across to me like she was thinking of acting on it but like she was like, "oh crap, does this mean anything or not?"

[diet_poison]

Sounded to me like she wondered whether she should consider it relevant. Like, "does it even matter, since I already have a partner?".

[cbrachyrhynchos]

Nothing changes, except for being hated by almost half of our culture for who we fancy.

The reality that prejudice harms and kills people, even within the closet, has been understood at least since the Harlem Renaissance. That's just short of a century now.

[cbrachyrhynchos]

Assuming you ignore all of the issues with internalized homo/biphobia, don't have to deal with a partner who flips out and becomes abusive, or any of the social and political issues around being LGBT in our culture.

[(Anonymous)]

I feel like you're missing an introductory sentence in your statement. Figuring out that you have an attraction to the same sex doesn't need to also be a political statement. It's a bit of self-awareness like, even though I'm with someone who's brunette, I get seriously turned on by gingers. Oops. I wish I'd figured that out sooner.

[cbrachyrhynchos]

Our sexuality appears apolitical up to the point when we encounter prejudice based on our sexuality. Which could be as simple as opening your web browser, or as difficult as intimate partner violence and abuse. It's political because straight people make it political, and it's political because sexuality is almost universally political. Everything from "are you really going out with him" to listing your partner as medical power of attorney.

[kallanda_lee]

Oh come on.

I sort of get what you're saying, but that comparison just doesn't stand.

[(Anonymous)]

Some people just have to wave a flag. Whatever.

[cbrachyrhynchos]

True story, the first (and only person for over a year) to know my sexual orientation was a straight lover. She had a big problem with it, and never passed up an opportunity to throw her belief in my eventual non-monogamy and transition to full gay in my face.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, how very dare anyone even contemplate doing anything other than living their life in the closet. Those attention-whoring hussies.

nayrt

[(Anonymous)]

But... if you're already with someone long-term, it doesn't actually matter who else you could date or marry.

Like, I'm bi too and still have no idea what the OP's problem is?

Re: nayrt

[(Anonymous)]

It's not so much a problem as just a new thing to deal with.

For example, what if your attraction to your husband wanes, but your attraction to women is growing at the same time? That happened to me for over a year. It was hard to deal with. I love my husband and didn't want to leave him, much less be unfaithful, but how do you explain that kind of thing to someone and not have it hurt them? Or you could just say nothing and pretend, but after a while that's worse and more hurtful to the other person than just coming clean, because if you're close to someone you definitely notice when they've stopped seeing you in a sexual way, and yet this same person is suddenly looking at women?

It's a bit simplistic to say there are never any complications, but the most important thing is honesty and love.

[a_potato]

It doesn't have to be a political statement for a person to experience bigotry or to feel marginalized.

There is no widespread discrimination against people who are attracted to multiple hair colors. People who like both brunettes and gingers don't kill themselves or experience partner abuse at a much higher rate than people who only like one or the other. Having a preference for a particular physical trait is very, very different from having a particular sexual orientation, and simply being open and honest about one's sexual orientation can have a huge impact on a person's life whether s/he wants to be politically involved or not.