[ SECRET POST #3090 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3090 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.














Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #442.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

05. http://i.imgur.com/GDJAMu6.png?1

[(Anonymous)]

I think maybe it's time to make better, more mature friends who aren't so insecure about their likes and dislikes.

[raspberryrain]

Or you can be mature about your disagreements with the friends you have, and just play it cool.

[(Anonymous)]

OP is being mature about it. It's OP's friend who isn't "playing it cool" and there isn't much they can do about that except make better friends.

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly, I don't think we know enough of the story to say whether or not OP is being mature about it.

[(Anonymous)]

The secret indicates they're mature enough to realize that not liking an actor your friend likes is not a personal insult, that it's not a big deal and that it doesn't constitute imposing your opinion on another person. I'd say they're adequately mature enough to find friends who are more on their level.

[(Anonymous)]

Sure but we only have the ops side of the story th for all we know they actually are being a dick to this person

[(Anonymous)]

Possibly. Then they should still find new friends and leave that person alone, though.

[(Anonymous)]

We have no indication as to when and why this argument pops up, or to how exactly OP is phrasing it when they say they don't like the actress.

It's quite possible that their friend really is just defensive and immature, but it's equally possible that OP is also immature when it comes to how they choose to express their opinion on their friend's favorite actress.

[raspberryrain]

I think you're right. I was responding the idea of cutting off friends, which seems unnecessary and not so mature.

[(Anonymous)]

Why? There's no blue ribbon for remaining friends with people who aren't particularly fun to hang around. If you're not feeling it in a friendship, it's not immature to call it a day and go find people who are better suited to you. I don't really like the approach you describe. It leads to too many people hanging around in friendships and relationships out of a misplaced sense of obligation.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm genuinely baffled by this statement. Are you saying that it would be immature in this specific context to cut off the friend (which may or may not be true depending on how annoying and defensive the friend gets when things she likes get criticized. it's no fun at all to be around someone like that tbh) or are you saying that it's immature in general to end friendships? Do you think people should remain friends with other people forever out of some weird sense of obligation or pity?

[raspberryrain]

I think I'm trying to be less judgemental than the person who said "get new friends" (and, I thought, implied "ditch your old friends"). And people keep thinking I'm being more judgemental.

Part of maturity is understanding that not everyone is as mature as you are, and learning how to handle them graciously.

You don't have to just cut people off.

[(Anonymous)]

sometimes handling someone graciously and being mature means owning up to your feelings and ending a friendship that genuinely makes you unsatisfied rather than going through a half-assed charade where you pretend to want someone's friendship and they eventually catch on to the fact that you're not into it. If by "cut people off" you just mean that it's rude to suddenly one day...idk, stop replying to someone's texts/whatever and just never speak to them again without addressing any problem you have with them, then I agree with you. But in general it's okay to let a friendship end when it ceases to be fulfilling on any level. Friendship isn't some lifelong contract

[(Anonymous)]

You don't have to, but not cutting people off isn't necessarily a sign of maturity. I'd actually say it's the opposite, because usually as you get older, you realize that you don't HAVE to be friends with everyone. Your time is precious, and you can choose to spend it on people who make you happy, people you get along with without even low levels of acrimony.

You may still have to learn how to handle difficult relatives, co workers and employers graciously, but friends? You can choose to be friends with whomever you want. Likewise, you can choose not to be friends with whomever you want. You're being just as judgmental as the anon you were replying to. Arguably more, because as you've discovered, very few people like being told they ought to remain in a relationship because you think it's more mature to stay.

[dancing_serpent]

I guess sometimes it's hard not to get defensive about the things one (dis)likes. I still feel a slight pang when my friend says she hates Frodo, and have to keep myself from immediately starting to argue, for example.

[(Anonymous)]

Why do you keep reminding them that you dislike her, though?

[(Anonymous)]

You're assuming the OP is the one bringing up this topic.

[(Anonymous)]

A lot of people in fandom take it really personally when you don't like something that they like. It can get frustrating when you're trying to have a civil conversation and someone comes back with personal insults because you insulted their favorite character or actress or whatever.

I'd say avoid talking about the actress with them, don't bring it up to them, and if they bring it up to you politely change the subject.

[elaminator]

This reminds me of that other recent secret we had where OP was tired of their friend complaining about GOT. There are two sides.

I personally feel if all you said was, “I'm not a big fan; she doesn't convince me”, that's alright. If you harp on about it constantly, now that is probably going to get annoying real quick.

The best thing to do is probably to avoid the subject, but if the subject comes up express your opinion respectfully and move on. If your friend can't deal with that... I don't know what to suggest, because there's always going to be someone who disagrees with you; disagreeing in itself isn't a terrible thing as long as the person isn't a dick about it.

[(Anonymous)]

Wow, OP. I wonder if your friend likes the same ice cream flavor that you do.
If not, do they insist that you eat their favorite flavor instead of your favorite flavor? Always?
And do they pitch an unholy fit each and every time that they know you are eating YOUR favorite ice cream?

TL;DR : How on earth does OP's friend cope with people's differing tastes?

[(Anonymous)]

That attitude in fandom in general just bothers me. Not everyone has to like what you like, and you aren't better than everyone else because you like something or someone.

[takaraikarin]

Yeah, I find arguing with such people pointless, nonnie, you're better off avoiding such topics with them. Or, avoid them.