fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3125 ]

[ SECRET POST #3125 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3125 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 066 secrets from Secret Submission Post #447.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I don't look like you? Still not suffering.

I don't think like you? Still not suffering.

I don't behave like you? Nope, still not suffering.

I have different pain levels than you? Okay maybe it can be said that I'm "suffering" BUT that's not your call to judge, that's mine.

The SJWs take the opposite tack to you, OP, and I hate it every bit as much; they fetishize it to the point where "~ur suffring is Beeeeaaaaauuutiful omg~" which just makes me want to smash things. Preferably their faces but they are anons behind keyboards. So.

TL:DR; extremes are bad, nothing about us without us, etc.

Mentally ill people aren't always the best judge though.

My dad insists that nothing is mentally wrong with him but, well, the evidence and the suffering he put our family through insists the opposite is true.

AYRT

I'm sorry anon, that sucks, and I hope your family gets help. In the context of what OP is saying, it seems like they're referring more to physical disabilities/chronic pain/etc. I included "don't think like you" meaning (actual) autistic people or people with Down Syndrome, etc.

Making other people suffer (especially family members) isn't so much a mental illness as a really really self-centred way some people choose(poorly) to live their lives IMO. Now something like schizophrenia, their ability to make rational choices is severely impaired, so that's not what I'm referring to either.

Again, I hope you and your family can make it through this difficult time and come out the other side.

"(actual) autistic people or people with Down Syndrome"

By that you mean those who are high functioning enough to express such opinion, not those that can't. Those who don't have enough motor control to eat or go to the bathroom by themselves, who have very limited communication options and who suffer chronic pain and are incapable of explaining to their helpers if the pain they're feeling NOW is new or is just the normal pain that went up a level for some reason.

I get where you're coming from but these sort of arguments tend to annoy me since they ignore a whole segment of the population that can't fight for themselves and may very well have the opposite opinion from you.

Did you know that some autism advocates who prefer to have representation without "curing" are nonverbal or have trouble functioning? Maybe you should look up the words of actual "low-functioning" autistic people before you assume what they all think.

But the suffering he put your family through is your family's problem, not HIS problem.

The suffering is the result of HIS problems, though.

If he didn't have a problem, our family wouldn't suffer.

And that he's in denial about it means it's never going to be fixed.

Then maybe it's time for your family to give your dad an ultimatum? Either he gets help, or the family breaks up.

Which is a simplistic answer, I'm not you and don't know what you're going through, anon, but if it involves domestic violence, you and your family have every right to walk away from the suffering.

We aren't in a situation where my mother leaving my father is possible unfortunately. Due to a combination of immigration, language barriers, and my mother's inability to work.

It doesn't involve physical violence. But some of my father's behavior makes me think, increasingly, that he might have PTSD from his childhood (he grew up in a very poor country with a very abusive father). Of course, given that my father has never seen a psychologist and absolutely refuses, that's just my speculation.

There's never been any physical or sexual violence fortunately.

AYRT

Emotional abuse is a completely legitimate form of abuse, anon. And obviously you've cracked the language barrier; is there a counselor or a teacher at school you can trust to talk to about this? Also helplines/KidsHelp phone, if that's available where you are. Also check around for agencies/charities specific to your ethnic community; there has to be some help for you and your mother (Any siblings?) where you can at least get an impartial assessment of what's going on, and they should be able to give you the tools to help yourselves, even if you can't help your father.

You and your family don't have to suffer, anon; try every resource you can find, and I promise you, there's a way out.

I no longer live at home.

It's my younger sibling I worry about. Because my father occasionally has "episodes" where, while he doesn't become violent, it is emotionally distressing to my sibling. Neither my sibling nor my mother are willing nor do they want to leave.

I've told them that they're welcome to come to me, if they ever need to. Or I would drop everything in a heartbeat to go to them.

For me father, I will say that he tries. He's trying to do better. And he's certainly better to my little sibling than he was to my older sibling (who hates him) but he'll never go to an outside source to get help. Nor will my mother.

AYRT

Tough sitch, anon. The only thing I can suggest (as a rando anon on the Internet) is frequent day trips for your younger sibling -- get them out and away from the house as much as possible. Just to take the stress off.

Hey anon, if I'm overstepping my boundaries feel free to ignore this - I know you mention later you don't live with your family anymore, but I know there are organizations that exist to help people in immigrant families get out of abusive situations. They might have translators, a hotline, cultural knowledge, etc. It might be worth it to look into that and let your mother/siblings know about it?

NAYRT-- If it were suddenly possible to cure each and every form of disability, illness, and mental illness, it would and should be up to the individual--okay, not necessarily suffering--afflicted person to make the judgment call to be "cured" or not. Maybe someone doesn't mind that they need a cane but could do without seizures, or whatever. I guess the best hypothetical solution would be to have a trial period, with the "cure" being reversible as well as voluntary. People who couldn't make their wishes known or even understand the question could undergo the trial period by default or something, idk. The real-world possibility isn't there, but I don't think the possibility of a cure is nearly so creepy as the presumption that disabled and mentally ill people shouldn't or can't make their own choices.

Some people don't believe it's possible to leave the choice to the afflicted individual because of the chance that they'll be pressured or forced by their families to say they want the cure even if they don't. That's already one of the biggest parts of the euthanasia debate.

There are people who objectively suffer, though. Like they get bed sores. Or the have body parts that hurt. Or they have anxiety that really does make their life more uncomfortable.

Like, there is such a thing as objectively suffering.

Or just the simple act of living with a wheelchair. You might not suffer, but it's fucking inconvenient in your daily life, especially in a city that's not really equipped for wheelchairs.

I've noticed that some people on Tumblr almost seem to romanticize the idea that ~neuroatypicals~ are presh creatures to be patted and coddled and ridicule the idea that in fact there is a statistically definable norm of "average behavior pattern" which defines conventional social interaction.

It may suck, but for whatever reason humans become in some cases deeply unsettled by behavioral deviations from the norm even when it isn't threatening and is usually treatable in very simple ways. For example it is considered decidedly atypical and abnormal to shake one's body parts repeatedly, or babble to oneself, even though those are essentially harmless.

So yes, neurotypicals do have an unfair advantage, but *that's what meds and psychiatric treatment are for*. To help neuroatypicals be able to take on behavior norms that allow them to function smoothly within society and gain access to stable income, housing, etc. I know people shit all over the medical community for not taking the mentally ill seriously enough about establishing a dialog of partners rather than as doctor-supervisor/patient-task-doer, but if meds didn't work people wouldn't be using or making them.

It's not in principle different from a diabetic who doesn't reveal their condition, but does have to take insulin to stay alive, though.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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