[ SECRET POST #3129 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3129 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 026 secrets from Secret Submission Post #447.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

09. http://i.imgur.com/IuuQMFB.jpg

Transcript by OP

[fscom]

My friend writes terrible fanfic sex scenes and I don't know how to tell her. They're full of purple prose and super awkward word choices, e.g. penises that "dive into" vaginas or climax dialogue with all the AHHHHH OH YEAH YEAH AHHHH. I don't understand it because she is in all other respects a good writer. It's just the sex that fails hard. I think it's because she's a virgin so she literally does not know what she is writing about.

Inb4 people complain that not all virgins write bad sex scenes or lots of non-virgins write bad sex scenes blah blah E.L. James blah blah. I never said virgins can't write about sex well, I just think in this specific case, lack of experience is the problem.

Re: Transcript by OP

[(Anonymous)]

Writing sex scenes, like any other action, is an aquired skill, which is why even people who have had sex can be bad at them. Do con crit, if your friend is up for it. Pass along well written sex scenes to emulate. Or skim if nothing seems to help.

Re: Transcript by OP

[(Anonymous)]

I'm curious to know whether your friend's sex scenes get much positive feedback. If not, then yeah, they're probably not very good by any measuring stick. But if other readers (more than just a couple) seem to find her sex scenes hot, then you may have to consider that everyone has their own taste in smut. Her style may not be to your liking but that doesn't necessarily mean it doesn't work for other people.

Admittedly, penises "diving into" vaginas does sound pretty bad to me. And purple prose can definitely be a problem. On the other hand, some people (*raises hand*) find lots of descriptive words (throbbing/aching/gripping/straining/leaking/swollen/burgeoning/etc) to be insanely hot. I also find vocalizations during sex scenes to be really hot (though I do tend to think all caps is best left off, we're in agreement on that at least). Basically, not everyone responds the same way to stuff, and not all sex scenes are trying to accomplish the same thing. Something that will seem stupid to one person is i'll-be-in-my-bunk material for someone else. And something that works in a tender lovemaking scene will be out of place in a rampant fucking scene. *shrugs*

This is not to say that you're not completely right about your friend's smut. Just that I'm hesitant to jump on board the smut criticism train, when personally I've read so many widely different smut styles that are just fine for what they are. Or that work for lots of other people and just not me. Or vice versa.

[fingalsanteater]

Maybe slyly introduce her to sex scenes you think are good? I dunno. That sucks, op.

[(Anonymous)]

For a while I was thinking your friend was writing sex scenes about the Virgin Mary and I kept thinking, "Well...that's different." SO CONFUSED

Then I realized her image was only there because your friend is a virgin.

But the initial mental images...good lord (no pun intended).

[a_potato]

Man, that image...

How open is she to concrit in general? Would you be able to offer to beta something of hers and open up the dialogue at that point?

[kallanda_lee]

TBH, if it's the actual language, it probably has nothing to do with virgin status. Some people just sort of write sex that way.

[a_potato]

Very true. And it's really interesting when the sex scenes are the only bits that someone writes that way.

Sex seems to really trip people up in that way. Same with kissing/making out, come to think of it.

[kallanda_lee]

I think it's a form of shame? Like, even when you're writing sex you feel awkward about spelling it out.

[(Anonymous)]

There are definitely writers who seem to slide into purple prose as soon as they get to the sex scenes, and only then.

The one I'm thinking of who does this more than anyone I've come across is actually married, so I assume virginity has nothing to do with it.

I don't know why some writers do this. Is it because they feel it's expected to slide into laughable cliché for the steamy stuff? Was their first exposure to sex scenes from terrible romance pulp trash and so now they think it all has to be written like that... and not using normal language, I dunno, like the entire rest of their fic?

The writer who does this the most in my fandom gets huge praise for her sex scenes, so it's unlikely she'll ever change. I just skip all her fics entirely because of it.

Pity, because she's a good writer otherwise. I just can't get over all that weeping cock-style ridiculous terminology, the devouring of mouths, and the dusky nubs, and the scarlet throbbing shafts which start suddenly kicking in as soon as the characters even kiss. It would be okay if the characters were the sort to talk like that. But that purple prose is so unsuitable for those particular characters, which makes it so much worse. It just reads like the writer suddenly dropped fifty IQ points.

[thistlechaser]

Yep. You find that in RP, too. Some people are perfectly comfortable using "cock", others want to stick with "his hardness" or "his length" or whatever else. I don't think it's a matter of virgin status.

[(Anonymous)]

There are also some really good books on writing erotica; I recently picked up Susie Bright's How to Wrtie a Dirty Story. Is there a graceful way to steer your friend to something like that?

Sex scenes are difficult.

[(Anonymous)]

There's the logistics (when you're with someone, you just move, but when you're writing about body movement of one character in relation to another, it can get surprisingly complicated), physiology (height, hairiness, scars, genitalia, etc.), terminology (people are really weird about this - some reader out there will not like which words you choose), and deciding how realistic you want it (because there are some realities that can throw a reader (or a writer) right out of any sort of mood).

Maybe give her some alternate phrasing and/or point her in the direction of something with good smut.

[(Anonymous)]

Your friend doesn't need experience with actual sex, OP. Your friend needs more experience/skill writing sex scenes. You know these are two different things, you said it yourself in the actual secret.

[(Anonymous)]

This cracked me up. I bet her sex scenes are hilarious if that description is any indication.

[(Anonymous)]

yes once she has a dick in her, her writing skills shall magically imprve

[(Anonymous)]

This may or may not be true, but you know, having lots of experience in whatever it is you're writing about usually helps, whether it's sex or mountain climbing or baking souffles.

[(Anonymous)]

don't forget

murder

[fishnchips]

Well... or at least lots of research into the topic. Would get a bit bloody if every crime and thriller author needed to have first hand experience when writing from the POV of a serial killer.

But seriously: It's not wrong. At least with easily done thing, I'd always suggest authors to try and get a bit of first hand experience. You have a very different understanding of, say, letting your characters sleep outside all the time on their epic quest if you actually try to do this as well, even if it's just one night.

[(Anonymous)]

hm... I don't see how any of your examples make a sex scene bad per se. I've read my fair share of smut and a bad scene can seldomly be pinned on single factors though, so I guess you're trying your best to describe why it's bad.

I basically stopped writing after I got laid, and before, PWP was all I ever wrote. And I was kind of a BFN back in the day in my fandom and language. And I still think the sex scenes are good. So n, it doesn't necessarily have to do with the virgin status.

[(Anonymous)]

Not the OP but... if you honestly don't see anything wrong with those examples, I don't know what to tell you. I found them hilariously bad, because having someone's penis "dive into a vagina" makes me think of a disembodied cartoon dick with arms and legs, swan-diving into a vagina. That's not really a sexy image, IMO. Writing all caps dialogue is also really funny, so unless the writer intends it to be a comedic scene, that's kind of a fail right there.

Or... well, maybe the sex scenes you wrote weren't quite as good as you believe them to be, since your standards seem low.

[(Anonymous)]

God, I hate the thing where they actually write out what the person is screaming. As soon as I hit the "AHHHHHHHH OH YEAH RIGHT THERE" section of a scene I am out. Especially when they're just yelling their names in all caps at each other. Just... no.

[litalex]

I don't know. I don't think my sex scenes writing ability improved once I got laid, though when I read back to what I've written nowadays, I always cringe...

[(Anonymous)]

But I like the extra exposition in fic.