[ SECRET POST #3150 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3150 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 032 secrets from Secret Submission Post #450.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

How do you break up with a guy you're not even dating?

[(Anonymous)]

A friend set up a double date with a friend of her SO. We'd met a couple of days earlier at a thing at my friend's, where we had about five minutes of small talk. Anyway, he apparently told my friend that he "wanted to talk with me again" and I figured why not.

The double date was nice, but nothing I have to repeat and honestly, I spent most of my time talking to my friend or her SO. The night wasn't a disaster, though, so when my friend asked me if she could give the guy my mobile number I said yes thinking that maybe the guy had just been shy and maybe we'd click once he's more comfortable.

We text a couple of times and long story short, he's nice. Which I mean in all the underwhelmed glory of the word. To misquote Into the Woods: he's not good, he's not bad, he's just nice. We don't seem to have any interests in common and from his reaction to friend's SO's gay chicken story he seems to have some hang ups regarding homosexuality (which I can tolerate getting annoyed by when it's a friend, but not something I want in a partner).

Now he's asked me out for a proper date and he's nice, so I don't want to hurt his feelings. Nor do I want grief from my friend, who is very much behind this thing and doesn't see why just being nice isn't enough to make me want to date a guy.

So, FS, how do I break up with a guy without having even been on a proper date with him? I wouldn't mind having him as a friend, but anything more is definitely out of the question.

Re: How do you break up with a guy you're not even dating?

[(Anonymous)]

"No, sorry, but I really don't think we click."

Re: How do you break up with a guy you're not even dating?

[herpymcderp]

How about, "I just don't think we have chemistry, but I still think you're a cool person."

You don't have to apologize (and I definitely wouldn't) since it is what it is and there's no changing not being into someone. Do try to be nice about it though.

Re: How do you break up with a guy you're not even dating?

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Do try to be nice about it though.

Honestly, that's my problem. I'm too nice, I feel like a bitch for wanting to break it off, like maybe I'm being too harsh on him and maybe I should just try a date alone with him and maybe....

I know I'm only kidding myself, it's that exact line of thinking that got me into this in the first place (I wasn't that enthusiastic about the double date but thought that I might me unfair to the guy and I should at least try).

Re: How do you break up with a guy you're not even dating?

[herpymcderp]

Nah. Dating someone because you're trying to be nice and give them a chance is as unfair to them as it is to you. Nine times out of ten your feelings won't change, and then you only wind up hurting their feelings more and wasting your own time.

Just be gentle but direct and don't apologize for your feelings.

Re: How do you break up with a guy you're not even dating?

[(Anonymous)]

OK, if you're worried about being nice:

It is much, much more shitty to tell someone you like them when you don't. How would they feel if you lie to them like that?

I know it may seem harder right now to just tell him no - but it will be MUCH harder later on when you're actually in a relationship with someone you don't even like.

JUST SAY NO. Don't even go there.

Re: How do you break up with a guy you're not even dating?

[(Anonymous)]

There is no way to say "no" to anyone that guarantees no bad feelings. Especially men who think you're dating. I mean, yeah, be nice as possible but don't go overboard because niceness as often interpreted as "They like me!"

Gentle, but firm. "I like you, but I'm not really feeling the chemistry. If you want to hang out as friends, that'd be good." (But only if you mean it about the friendship thing.) If he gripes about being friendzoned, lose his number.

Re: How do you break up with a guy you're not even dating?

[caerbannog]

"Thank you but no thank you".