Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2015-09-10 06:42 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2015-09-10 06:42 pm
[ SECRET POST #3172 ]
⌈ Secret Post #3172 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
01.
__________________________________________________
02.
__________________________________________________
03.
__________________________________________________
04.
__________________________________________________
05.
(Ollie Locke)
__________________________________________________
06.
__________________________________________________
07.
__________________________________________________
08.
__________________________________________________
09.
[Forever]
__________________________________________________
10.
__________________________________________________
11.
__________________________________________________
12.
[Doctor Who]
Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 013 secrets from Secret Submission Post #453.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: Vent thread
(Anonymous) 2015-09-11 01:20 am (UTC)(link)My girlfriend is asexual, I am not. We have sex, but she isn't sexually attracted to me. Sometimes I am totally okay with that. Sometimes, since I have depression and pretty much no self esteem, I'm not. I don't consider this to be her fault but rather mine, something I need to work on since we have a fine sex life and everything. (And it has been less of an issue as time has gone on!) I told her this about a month ago, and I thought I made it clear that I didn't want her to change or anything, just maybe be patient with me, and at the time she said it was fine, but the other night it came out that no it wasn't and it really hurt her, but she hadn't wanted to let on cause I've been having a hard time recently. I feel like a total asshole for not realizing it hurt her the way it did, and like I shouldn't have told her at all and just kept working on it in private.
She also told me sometimes she thinks she pushed herself into having sex with me sooner than she was comfortable with and kind of regrets that, and hearing that has really messed me up. I was being very conscious of not pressuring her (and she still says it wasn't me it was just a societal thing), and now I feel like a terrible girlfriend. I'm really mad at myself and have been upset at myself for days, but I haven't told her because I know she will blame herself for upsetting me. I apologized and she says she doesn't blame me, but I just feel like I messed up and she deserves better, someone who is 100 percent comfortable with her sexuality.
Re: Vent thread
I belatedly left some advice on the other post, so I'm probably repeating myself, but sometimes you need to communicate something that will distress/discomfort your partner, and that doesn't mean you're a bad person, especially if you take pains to not blame them when it's not their fault. You did that! Don't get into the loop of "I feel bad because they feel bad that I feel bad that they feel bad" etc etc. Keeping stuff from the other person because it's an uncomfortable truth is not a good relationship idea long term. And it helps no one if you self-flagellate and feel shame and guilt when you've done what you could with what information you had, with love.
Whether you are sexually compatible and ultimately should continue to be together is a whole 'nother issue, DON'T call yourself a "terrible" girlfriend for it though.
Yeah sure you're not perfect, but don't focus on little flaws and fuck-ups and blame a sadness/discomfort which is on the whole no one's fault, on those.
♥