fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3177 ]

[ SECRET POST #3177 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3177 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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12. http://i57.tinypic.com/35chf9c.jpg
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13. http://i.imgur.com/OB1EeH5.jpg
[porn - furry/illustrated]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #454.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Well, it definitely seems we wouldn't be compatible in moral views.

Do you really think your gf should have had her body invaded by something she didn't want, because of you? Serious body horror there. Your stakes as parents are not comparable in the slightest until a child is outside of the body.

He can still feel regret at the loss of his child. Contrary to what Tumblr will tell you, grief is not contest.

Honestly, I know what I'm about to say is incredibly shitty but it's still how I feel:

When men lament that women get abortions when they didn't want them to, it sounds to me like a white man lamenting that his black slave was freed.

Like, I'm sorry you didn't get something you obviously wanted, but the horror of having something INSIDE me, leeching the nutrients out of my body, living off me, making me sick, basically acting as a parasite, outweighs anyone else's feelings.

Logically, I understand that the man is grieving for the loss of his potential child. But HOLY SHIT I emotionally cannot look past what's being asked of a woman in this situation -- it's horrific.

This is a really shitty thing to say to someone who made an effort to not derail a related thread with his opposing view. I mean, like, why do you think anyone gives a shit about whether they'd be compatible with you or should have to answer to your moral code in a thread for a very specific topic?

"purposefully kill my child"

That is really aggressive language right there that negates what went on for the ex-GF.

And once again, make a post, other people give their opinion, whether or not the OP "gives a shit" about opposing ones.

NAYRT

I can see where you're coming from, but I can also completely see where the anon is coming from. In the sense - which is how I read the comment - that someone might be unable to see it any other way, might get stuck on that. I don't think it's right but I think I can understand it.

In a lot of ways I think that's why abortion is the ridiculous lightning rod it is. Because there are perspectives that are probably just ultimately irreconcilable.

Oh no, I'm sure it breaks OP's heart that you guys won't be BFFs.

:'(

I would say there's a very big gap between someone who wishes their ex had wanted and decided to keep the child, and someone who wishes their ex had kept the child even though she was unhappy with it and felt she should suffer for his sake. OP hasn't given any evidence to say he's the latter.

The phrasing of the op points very strongly towards the latter. The whole "purposefully kill my child" bit is incredibly loaded phrasing, and not at all likely to be trotted out by someone who believes his ex made a valid choice based on what was best for her, even if it's one he can't agree with.

That's the thing. It depends on framing. What if option #1 is "purposefully kill [his] child" and option #2 is "suffer in silence while an unwanted baby leeches off of her and be miserable"?

Even if he can't stay with someone who chooses option #1, that doesn't mean he'd have opted for option #2 or forced it if he could. Abortion is one of those things where there's rarely 100% wonderful, happy choice.

I can recognize that she had more stakes and the right to do whatever she wanted just fine, thanks. Doesn't mean I have to like it or stay with her when I couldn't even look at her the same. Maybe that makes me a monster to you, but I'll stick with wholly incompatible.

Did you discuss this issue beforehand?

Because if she went against her word, then, yes I can understand you feeling betrayed.

I think what I'm having a lot of trouble swallowing here is you saying you "couldn't even look at her the same" -- because that can't help but sound judgmental.

Loss isn't always rational.

It's definitely judgmental. But there's a difference between judging someone's actions and trying to force them into a different one, which is what you seem to be accusing me of doing. But sorry if every time I looked at her, all I could feel was loss and regret and sadness and -- for a while -- anger. Can't help how we feel, we can only help what we do about it. I chose to get out, because none of that was a recipe for a good relationship, and I couldn't, and apparently still can't, see it changing.

To you, I'll concede this: I think you made the right choice getting out of that relationship. I think your feelings of loss, sadness and grief are justified and understandable.

But unless she promised something, I will still maintain that you have no right to judge her for it.

I recognize that emotions aren't rational, though. But that's how I feel.

The reason I feel this way is because she didn't take something from you. You were asking her to give you something and she had every right and reason to say no.

I just can't get past "purposefully kill my child". You make it a) sound evil, and b) deliberate in its effect on you, and c) all about you. That kind of possessiveness of someone else's body (and a foetus is just that) is nauseating. I'm sorry that your ex didn't agree with you to use her body to bring life into the world just for you, that really sucks, but she isn't a murderer for having sovereignty over her own body.

Post your strong opinion, get an opposing one. *shrug*

NAYRT but that's really just not the sense that I get from that phrase, at all

Also, OP clearly disagrees with you that a fetus is just part of someone else's body, and right or wrong, I'm not sure it serves a useful purpose to elide that basic and fundamental difference.

"sound evil"

Okay, today I learned that mourning and feeling sad for a child one could have had is 'evil'.

Honestly this just feels like a vent thread for people with a view completely opposing yours. Why do you feel the need to come in and shove your opinion in people's face because you disagree with theirs?

It's not like the anon is telling her to keep the child, they're getting out of it because they know they probably won't get over their feelings. They admit that they understand that their girlfriend had her rights.

Just....why are you pushing this? Do you just have this unbearable need to lecture people?

It's not the sadness that bothers people…it's the "purposefully killed my child" part.

Because it make it sound as though she wronged someone when she didn't.

You can lament the loss of a potential child without casting aspersions on your ex.

The dude wasn't OWED the child. She did nothing wrong by not being wiilling to invest nine months and her body to give him something he wanted.

Yes, it's sad that he lost the potential of the child, but it's not her responsibility to provide him with one.

If a man wants to be in a romantic relationship with a woman and she turns him down, he's allowed to feel sad and unhappy. To lament the loss of what might have been.

But painting the woman negatively because she won't sacrifice her wants, desires, and body to his wants and desires is wrong.

NAYRT

Again, I don't really read a lot of those conclusions into the language.

I think if you see the fetus as a child, and not a potential child, it would probably be pretty hard to deal with that. Even if you agreed in principle that the woman had no responsibility to carry it through, I can understand not being able to get past that.

I guess - and this is going to be a strange thing to say - but I don't read it as painting the woman negatively to nearly the same extent that you do.

da

I'm kind of on the fence about it... not so much the phrase, but the way it's connected to this one particular situation. It's hard to be objective when something is just so damn personal. When someone speaks from a place of grief, even if everyone else finds it ridiculous, I think that person should be cut some slack.

I don't think he's going around suggesting every woman considering an abortion is a heartless killer who ought to pop out a kid against her will instead. It's possible he's still responding with this phrase out of guilt for what he didn't try to prevent in his own case. No, he has no right to force her to carry a child to term, but he still helped create the life form she was carrying. People get weird when it comes to loss. It's awful all around, and a little compassion is needed.

maybe you think woman need a child in her life.... no you don't. Don't make such assumption. A child need BOTH of parent. BOTH. Don't make excuses just because circumstances.

Re: When abortion is regrettable

(Anonymous) - 2015-09-16 16:52 (UTC) - Expand

FWIW I agree with you.

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