fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3179 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3179 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Rupaul's Drag Race season 7]

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[Supernatural]

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[20th Century Boys]

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[The Mighty Boosh, Noel Fielding]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 014 secrets from Secret Submission Post #454.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

does it bother me so much when roommates go out to do fun stuff together without inviting me or even telling me that they are leaving? I know they aren't obligated to be friends with me or invite me places or anything, but I don't know, I'm so lonely and depressed it never fails to make me sad. Especially when they don't tell me they are leaving and I go to one of their rooms to talk to them only to realize I am suddenly alone in the apartment, that always makes me really uncomfortable. I wish it didn't bother me so much.

I'm so lonely and depressed

That's your answer, pretty much. They aren't your family, and aren't your friends, and you know that, but it still makes you feel left out and lonely.

I remember the first time I lived with housemates and I blurted out "where are you going?" when one left to go out, and she just looked at me like... um okay, you're being a bit overbearing here.

That sucks, anon :( I don't have any constructive answers right now since I am lonely and depressed myself.

Me too, anon. My flatmate sued to do this to me all the time, and we actually were friends and had been for years. She would also specifically UNinvite me to things too. It sucked. Made me go back right to school and being the weird kid who nobody wanted to hang around with.

Maybe you could ask them to do something with you? Maybe propose going for pizza or something.

Or better yet, do your own thing by yourself.

But they're lonely? There's no reason not to have a friendly relationship with your housemates if you can.

Forgot to mention and its kind of relevant: I can't drive. So I do go do things on my own via walking, but my options are more limited and neither of them would want to walk places with me.

Huh. I've never had a roommate but I feel like the polite thing to do would be so say bye or leave a note or something. idk. I'm sorry, anon. That would probably bother me a bit too.

not op

this bothers me too. isn't it just proper cohabiting practice to let each other know when you're out of the house? like, for the sake of safety if nothing else

Why? Just lock up properly after yourself when you leave the house.

Not really? It might depend on the situation but I was living in a flat share with four other people; some lived there for years, some only stayed for a few months before moving out. I said bye when I saw them in the kitchen or the hall, but I would never have left them a note and they didn't either.

We were roommates, not friends. I can count on one hand the times we went out to do something together.

Nah.

If you regularly do mealtimes as a household and aren't going to be there, it's polite to leave a note, and you should let your roommates know if you're going to be gone for a couple days, but if you mostly do your own thing and are going out for the evening, it's not rude not to give your roommate status updates.

That would make me a little sad, too. Do you invite them to do things much, though? It'd help you all get to know one another better and signal that you're open to social stuff.

I brought it up above but I can't drive and neither of them enjoy walking places, so inviting them out would always seem more like "hey can you drive me to this place" than really inviting them to go somewhere with me, and I don't like to ask them to drive me around unless I really need to.

Da

How about a movie night and order pizzas? No walking involved. :)

Sorry you're feeling this way though, anon. I understand totally. *hugs*

We've done stuff like that before, like we've played video games together and I've cooked for them and stuff like that, but they keep just kind of not including me when they go out and telling me when they leave. They aren't super unfriendly to me or seem to particularly dislike me exactly, but they don't seem to particularly like me either, and its weirdly hard for me since I haven't managed to make any friends since I moved here for college (which was a few years ago which is super pathetic). I figure I should just be happy they don't hate me cause I know people can have way worse roommate situations, I just do get sad when they don't include me. I don't know.

Thank you though.

Socializing at home sounds like a good idea, then. I think this is one of those things where friendliness and openness can go a long way-- basically, include them the way you'd like to be included, even if it's "Hey guys, I was thinking about ordering out Chinese and watching Guardians of the Galaxy, do you want in?"

Some people just don't click as friends. Acquaintances, yes, roommates, yes, but not friends. I don't know what the issue is with you and your roommates, but if you're really concerned it might help to examine your own behavior and see if anything's amiss that would alienate people. That sounds terrible, and I'm sorry, but if you're up for it, it's worth at least a brief assessment.

They might think you're not interested... But also inviting yourself along to things generally isn't cool (once in a blue moon is okay)

I would suggest taking the initiative: invite them to things rather than waiting for them to invite you. Perhaps suggest meeting them somewhere - you can walk there earlier and they'll catch up with you etc. Don't go crazy on the inviting, but maybe once a fortnight invite out to things. And maybe put a movie on In your lounge and when one walks past invite them to watch with you.

Chances are they've noticed you're sad and are "giving you space" or don't really know what to do. Which is fine, it's not their job to fix you, but it can be unintentionally hurtful.

I'm sorry, anon. Being excluded feels shitty, intentional or not.

I'm really sorry, anon. I know what you mean. When I was away at college it was hard to find a good group of friends, and my roommate situation wasn't super friendly either. It's not their job to inform you of their whereabouts or to invite you places, but it still really sicks. Can you join any clubs at your school to help you find some friends? Or, um, try joining sites like meetup.com. I read you can't drive yet, so maybe try to get your license? Unless, of course, you don't have means to get a car, so getting your license wouldn't help either. Sorry, just trying to think of things you can do to help out the situation. Maybe keep trying to be friendly to them... maybe, through time you'll click more... Good luck, anon. Try to keep your chin up

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