[ SECRET POST #3205 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3205 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[Jurassic World]


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03.
[Anthony Bourdain]


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04.
[Puzzle&Dragons (mobile app game)]


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05.
[Fear the Walking Dead, Alicia and Nick]


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06.
[Hannah Pilkes, viner]


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07.
[Hetalia, Xenosaga]


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08.
[Undertale]


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09.
[School-Live!]


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10.
[Over the Garden Wall]









Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #458.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Gender Stuff

[(Anonymous)]

I wish my boyfriend was a woman. He's not a misogynist by any definition of the word, but he says thoughtless things sometimes about harassment, sexism, etc, that he just wouldn't say or think if he'd had the lived experience of actually being a woman.

Re: Gender Stuff

[(Anonymous)]

Yeahhhhh :( I had to educate mine about how women *weren't* wearing short skirts/dresses just for male attention. Like, they might be comfortable (it's hot where we live)? Or many other reasons not to do with him? Jaw dropping on a personal level even if I *know* it's what sexism does.

Re: Gender Stuff

[(Anonymous)]

I dunno. I'm sure I've said similar thoughtless things because I'm privileged enough that I don't see being cat-called/etc etc as this super big deal and I've never been harassed in a manner that ever made me feel unsafe.

Maybe if it happens and he's there, point it out to him and explain how it makes you feel in the moment? A lot of people have this state of mind that if they never saw it happen/it doesn't happen to them directly it's not as big of a problem as people make it out to be.

Re: Gender Stuff

[sarillia]

There are plenty of women who say those same things. I've talked to many. Your problem would not necessarily disappear if he was a woman.

I sympathize with the frustration though. I hope you can get him to listen at least some of the time. I think it's better to try to explain these things than simply wish he was a different person.

Re: Gender Stuff

[(Anonymous)]

you should dump him

Re: Gender Stuff

[raspberryrain]

No, she should explain things to him. That way he learns.

Re: Gender Stuff

[leisuretime]

Funny assume your experience as a woman is the same as every woman's experience. As gfs been said, their are plenty of women who aren't misogynist but do hold some ingrained sexist, thoughtless habits.

Re: Gender Stuff

[kitelovesyou]

I saw a lot of "I" statements and not assumptions about "every woman".

Re: Gender Stuff

[leisuretime]

"The experience of actually being a woman" implies that there is one experience for all women.

Re: Gender Stuff

[kitelovesyou]

Not really? That's pretty common in feminism, and with frustrations that women express with men, to say that men tend to experience and react to a sexist society in a different way from women. It doesn't necessarily mean an absolutist statement about all women and all men, though white secondwavers often thought like that.

That said, yeah, I have definitely experienced some sexist type patterns from female partners :/ Going out with a woman wouldn't solve all your sexism problems OP though you knew that already right?

Re: Gender Stuff

[gobbledigook]

But if he remained as himself all of this would just turn to internalized misogyny, wouldn't it?

Re: Gender Stuff OP

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think so. He's very passionate about issues that affect him directly, and I'd have to assume because he's from the same area as me he'd receive at least as much harassment.

Re: Gender Stuff OP

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt,

i don't think he want to keep the issue as deep as it probably be, maybe he just have a light talk about it with you.

ps: i hate man take a sudden talk with this kind of issue. what do you expect from me to have a obvious kind of reaction?

Re: Gender Stuff OP

[(Anonymous)]

But are you as passionate about the things that affect him directly as he is AND as you are about the sexism you experience? If not, you have no real moral high ground to speak from.

Re: Gender Stuff OP

[(Anonymous)]

wtf is this

Re: Gender Stuff OP

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt

no.

simple conversation or headache?...

simple conversation... why are you taking this as competition? mind you, i was with your statement.

Re: Gender Stuff

[(Anonymous)]

Well, it's your choice to date men. You're just going to have to deal with it since a man is never going to fully understand what it's like to be a woman.

Re: Gender Stuff

[(Anonymous)]

You don't choose your sexuality.

Re: Gender Stuff

[(Anonymous)]

Never said that. I'm assuming OP is bi since she said she wishes her bf was a woman which implies she isn't adverse to dating woman. She could exclusively date women if she wanted. I know some bi women who do. That said, I realize it's easier to date men since there are more options.

Re: Gender Stuff

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt, but assuming OP is bi is a hell of a leap.

Re: Gender Stuff

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt

"there are more options"

of what?...

Re: Gender Stuff

[(Anonymous)]

Lots of guys do this. They're not assholes, but they're kind of clueless and not at all aware of how many clues they're lacking. I hope you're able to set him straight.

Re: Gender Stuff

[(Anonymous)]

there are ways to bring him around if you really think it's worth the effort.

Re: Gender Stuff

[(Anonymous)]

but he says thoughtless things sometimes about harassment, sexism, etc

would you mind giving examples? Sometimes real malice hides behind thoughtless comments and I think you may be too close to be able to tell the difference.

Re: Gender Stuff

[(Anonymous)]

if he'd had the lived experience of actually being a woman

I think you're making the mistake of conflating "Experience" with "Things that happen" Different people experience the things that happen to them differently. It's possible if you'd taken one different turn in your life, watched a certain cartoon in your childhood, read a different book in your adolescence, made a different friend, that the things that happen in your life you would remain the same, but you would experience them in the same exact way that your boyfriend does.