fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3228 ]

[ SECRET POST #3228 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3228 ⌋

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Have you ever had to choose between a sibling or a friend? Which did you choose and why?

(I am aware that there is not blanket right or wrong answer to this and the context is very important.)

Mine below.

I've chosen between siblings, and I went with the one that's not a racist, misogynistic, homophobic bag of dicks, so I guess that's like choosing a friend?

So a while back my younger sibling was picked on by some bullies and one of the people in my friends circle defended her, as did the rest of us when we found out. Years later we mostly got along well, and a lot of my friends are cool with younger sib.

Recently the friend had a fight with the sibling and I'm not entirely sure on the details of the disagreement but the sibling came to me upset and I found out that my friend apparently told her that she regretted standing up for her because "She deserved what she got."

I went to find out the friends' side of it wondering if something was misunderstood. But nope, I find out that's exactly what my 'friend' said. And now the sibling is really upset. I listened to what happened. It was pretty petty IMO.

So I tried to confront the friend on what she said. All this "friend" has to say is "well she said this" "well she did this" and "well she's not entirely innocent." She's bringing up stuff from ages ago too. I did acknowledge the things she brought up for the most part. But at no point is she willing to take any responsibility. I even asked her "how would you feel if she said that to you" "YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT".

I'm pretty pissed and at this rate thinking she's not going to be a friend for much longer. I kind of feel a little betrayed that she would do this. How can she go from defending her to stabbing her in the back like this.

Honestly, I can't really say what I'd do, because I feel like there's something missing between what went on between your sibling and your friend.

For myself, I usually go to great pains to avoid choosing a side, unless I was there for the whole blowout and saw it myself. Otherwise, there is so much conflict that is based around misinterpretations and unintentional inferences and it just escalates - especially when people's emotions are running high. I have seen it, when I've witnessed a fight, and both people have different accounts of what happened exactly. They're not usually lying, it's just that emotions are running high, and both people focus in on the parts that hurt them, and don't remember their hits as clearly (or think that their hits weren't as hurtful).

I don't know; that probably doesn't help you, but inserting yourself in the middle doesn't always work out either. I'm presuming everyone involved is a now an adult, and honestly, I'd just stay out of it.

Still telling someone who was bullied in the past "you deserved everything you got" over petty disagreements is not and will never be okay.

Yes, it's a shitty remark, I totally agree on that.

Don't choose between people; choose the side that you agree with. I won't back up my sibling, or my friend, if I think they're wrong just because they're my sibling/friend. I'll back them up when I agree with them on the issues.

i've never had to choose, but i would choose my siblings. i'm super overprotective of them. i feel like they're my responsibility and i need to look after them, even if they fuck up.

+1 to this

Wish my siblings were like you.

I sort of stopped hanging out with someone who seemed to not like my little sister.

She turned out to be a brat in other ways.

Really my sister didn't even do anything but say something she didn't like once.

And where does a nine year old girl learn to flip people off? That really alarms me looking back.

In most cases, I will chose a sibling over a friend. Even though my siblings drive me nuts and I more tolerate them, I'm still pretty protective.

Granted I'm not going to like choose a sibling I've a friend if we are talking murder or whatever. And I can't think of many situations that would demand I wholly chose one.

Friend, every time.

My sister's a manipulative narcissist, though, and I learned a long damn time ago that taking her side in anything is not to be done without a heaping shaker full of salt, three eye witnesses, and preferably surveillance footage.

Well, when I was younger, in middle school, I had a friend/ two who picked on my brother and I did not defend him. At times I even joined in on the picking on him. I regret that I did not defend him. I hurt him and our relationship very much (he was a little kid, and yes they get annoying, but I had no excuse. I was a coward and had no back bone and I wanted to be "cool"). Meanwhile, my best friend always stood up for him.

We went through a few rough years, and it's only now, about 8 to 10 years later that we're really getting along well. He had his time where he treated me like shit (because I treated him like shit).

In the end, the choice is yours.

My brother is still my brother, and in the end we've got only each other. My best friend is like my sister, and we've got each other. Those other girls that I was friends with (that now, after some life experience and back bone gaining, I would stand up to)...while I maintain our acquaintance, I no longer have an active relationship with them.

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[ SECRET POST #3228 ]

Choosing between sibling and friend

Re: Choosing between sibling and friend

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Re: Choosing between sibling and friend

Re: Choosing between sibling and friend

Re: Choosing between sibling and friend

Re: Choosing between sibling and friend

Re: Choosing between sibling and friend

Re: Choosing between sibling and friend

Re: Choosing between sibling and friend

Re: Choosing between sibling and friend