fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3236 ]

[ SECRET POST #3236 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3236 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[Video Games, The Last Of Us]

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02.

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03.

[Akagami no Shirayukihime]

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04.

[Nameless ~The one thing you must recall~]

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05.

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06.

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07.

(The Librarians, Cassandra Cillian)

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08. [SPOILERS for Room (2015)]

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09. [SPOILERS for Hemlock Grove seasons 2 & 3]

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10. [WARNING for incest]

[Game of Thrones]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #462.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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A few months ago I was in a car accident. The other person was at fault, my car was totalled, and since the accident I've been in constant, sometimes excruciating, pain. The woman who hit me wasn't injured and her car was barely damaged. Because the insurance company sucks, I didn't get enough money to replace my car, so I had to get a loan, which I really can't afford (mine was paid off). I got a car that I'm ok with sometimes, but other times I hate it. The seats are horribly uncomfortable and every time I drive I'm nearly in tears from the pain.

I'm so fucking angry. I got totally screwed, and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm constantly in pain, and I'm having to pay money I don't have for a car that I don't even like.

Meanwhile, the fucking idiot that hit me has had to suffer no consequences. I'm normally not a person who thinks that lawsuits are the answer, but this whole situation has been so horribly unfair that I'd sue her if I could, but the way the laws are here, I can't.

My family is tired of hearing me bitch about it and keep telling me I need to get over it, but I can't help it. I'm so goddamn pissed off at that fucking woman. I want her to suffer, dammit! I know that's petty and probably not the healthiest attitude, but it's not fair that I'm having to go through this and she never had to face any consequences. And yes, I know, life isn't fair...family have told me that multiple times, which just annoys me more.

I feel like part of the reason I can't get past this is because a car I loved was taken away from me and it was completely beyond my control, and now I'm stuck with a car I don't like, and every time I drive the damn thing it's a reminder. I think if I'd gotten a car I loved, I'd be able to get over it.

Also, I think the seats are contributing to the pain, and I'd probably get better sooner if they were different. I've thought about trying to replace the seats, but from I can tell, I'd have to order them, and who knows if the ones I picked would be any more comfortable than these are. I'd need to sit in them first, but apparently there aren't just stores that sell car seats, so trying them out beforehand isn't an option.

Then I think about just selling the car, but...I looked for cars for months before finally settling for this one. I test drove so many cars that were even worse than this one, so even if I WERE able to sell it for enough money to pay off my loan and buy something else (and I'm not at all sure that's even a possibility) I don't know that I'd be able to find something I liked better. After going to several sleazy car dealers, I finally found the one I ended up buying the car at that seems reputable/honest (my parents know someone who works there) but they're smaller and they don't have anything I'm at all interested in right now. I finally got this one because I'd been without a car for so long, but obviously I made the wrong decision.

I don't know what the hell to do at this point, other than trying to find the exact same model and year as the car I had before, but the problem with that is, even if I do find one (and that was the first thing I looked for, because I loved that car, but I couldn't find any), it's older and there's no chance that I'm going to find one in as good a shape as mine was. And then there's the fact that, as my mom points out, I never drove that car after the wreck. There's a chance that even it would could awful pain at this point. Maybe driving any car would cause horrible pain right now, I don't know.

I feel so horrible and frustrated and I have no idea what to do. And I still want that horrible woman to have to suffer in some way, and I realize that there's nothing that can be done to her, and that just frustrates me more. And I know I need to just get over it, but I can't, when I'm constantly in pain and having to drive a car I hate, and she's the reason for those things.

I have no idea what to do. :(

Did you get any medical treatement since the accident?

OP

Yes, the insurance is at least covering my doctor/physical therapy bills. I work in the sports medicine/PT field so I feel confident that I'm seeing the best people and getting the best treatment possible. I know that I'm not going to get better overnight...I tell patients every day to be patient because sometimes it can take awhile to heal after an injury like this, but this is the first time I've ever been on the other end of it and it's so damn frustrating. :(

if you can, I'd really suggest selling the car and trying to find something better. because you have a lot of resentment tied to your current car and I don't see it getting better. even if it's a huge pain in the ass to look for a new one, I feel like maybe getting rid of your current car could at least provide some emotional relief and you could feel more hopeful about your future? sorry, anon, it's a hard situation, to be sure.

OP

I feel like that's what I WANT to do, but I'd have to make enough money off of it to pay off the loan for it AND to buy another car, and I'm not sure I'd be able to.

It sucks because the only issue I have with the car is the seats causing me pain. Which is a huge one, don't get me wrong, but it's much newer, and objectively nicer than the old one. Logically it makes zero sense to like the older one better, but it had sentimental value. And maybe it's stupid to get that attached to a car, but that's how I feel.

My mom thinks I shouldn't rush into anything and wait to sell it because it could be a great car and it would be stupid to sell it when it might not cause me pain once I'm healed (or at least doing better than I am right now). And practically, that makes a lot of sense. I just don't know.

I think wanting her to suffer is both unhealthy and mean-spirited. HOWEVER, wanting her to pay for the damage she caused is completely reasonable and it sounds like she basically got off scot-free, which is stupid, and I'm so sorry. :(

Insurance sucks, and people suck, and you should not have to pay for all this shit out of pocket, and accidents suck, and it all sucks. :(

Keep an eye out for the right car. Cars come and go quickly. You may find a new one that works better for you before too long. And I hope the pain goes away very soon.

OP

I mean more like "face some kind of consequences" rather than actually suffer, but still, I know it sounds bad. It's just so incredibly frustrating to be going through all this when, like you said, she pretty much got off scot-free.

Like I told the other person, the insurance is covering physical therapy, at least. But because of the way the laws work, the insurance company is paying for it, not her, and I feel like she personally should have to pay for something. You shouldn't be able to completely ignore the road while driving, which SHE ADMITTED TO DOING, and not have to pay in SOME way.

My mom thinks I should hold off on selling the car and see how I feel once I get better, since the seats hurting me is really the only reason I don't like it, and I know that practically, that makes the most sense. She thinks the pain is just from being in an accident and that the car makes no difference. She could be right, I suppose...the only other car I've driven was a rental, which caused even more pain, and it was sooner after the accident, when I probably would have been in more pain anyway, regardless of the car. So I can't prove with 100% certainty that the car is making a difference.

I guess I need to just be patient about getting better. Like I said in the other comment, I always tell the patients I deal with at work that healing from a serious injury is not something that's going to happen overnight and they need to be patient so...I guess I need to take my own advice.

Question: is it your insurance paying for the physical therapy, or hers?

Did you make a bodily injury claim with her insurance company? You shouldn't have to live with that pain, and they should be paying for it to be treated.

I think it is definitely worth it to consider getting a different car. It might take some time to find one that works for you, but it seems like it would improve your circumstances and outlook.

OP

Yeah, the insurance is paying for my doctor/physical therapy treatments, so that's good. I'm just annoyed that it's insurance that's paying for it and she hasn't had to face any consequences whatsoever, even though she admitted to negligent driving. It pisses me off, and I just don't know how to get past it.

On the one hand I definitely would like to, but my mom thinks that the problem isn't the car, it's the injury, and that once I'm healed the car will be fine. There is a possibility she's right, I guess...if that was the case I'd actually really like the car, since the only issue I have with it is the pain. It's a lot newer and nicer than the last car (the last one just had sentimental value because I had it so long). If I'd gotten this car under different circumstances...if mine had died on me and I'd CHOSEN to buy a new one, I probably would've loved this one. But because the situation was beyond my control and giving up my car wasn't a choice, it feels like a whole different situation, if that makes sense.

So IDK. I think my first step is going to be to see if I can borrow my parents' car for awhile and see if it causes the same issue, and if so, then I know it's more likely that it's not actually the car, and I just need to be patient and heal.

I doubt she's not facing any consequences. Her insurance rates probably skyrocketed.

I don't know shit about insurance and other practical matters, but I highly recommend reading this book to help reduce your stress level and pain:
http://www.amazon.com/Full-Catastrophe-Living-Revised-Illness/dp/0345536932/

OP

I will check it out, thank you!

OP

Fuck. I have no idea how I didn't hear or see anything about it until just now, especially considering there's a thread above, but I just found out about Paris.

My car issues are not important. There are actual horrible things happening in the world and I need to stop whining about trivial bullshit. Sorry for wasting everyone's time with this crap.

Your life doesn't stop because something is happening in the world. People shouldn't be afraid to talk about themselves or be entertained by something or have smaller, less global problems. These things are still important. You don't need to apologize.

There's nothing wrong with what you wrote. Physical injuries that are serious enough to effect YOUR life are important. I know I have to live with injuries and pain on a daily basis unless I am in a completely stress free environment which is, let's face it impossible for most working people.

What happened in Paris is horrible, but that doesn't make your problems trivial. You can't even compare the two, really. It's good that you are taking care of yourself as best as you can and even ranting can be helpful to you.

Your problems don't magically stop just because someone else has it worse and unless you work in French forensics or security, ignoring your problems doesn't help anyone in France right now. Physical pain is mentally taxing and you have a right to your feelings over this issue. You have every right to find practical solutions to your health/car situation and to seek some kind of closure or peace.

Typical white guilt. Please don't do it, it's offensive. Everyday much more people die in Africa and the Middle East either by wars, terrorism or oppresive regimes but no one gives a shit because the victims aren't first world citizens.

Re: How the hell do I fix this situation?

diet_poison - 2015-11-16 03:17 (UTC) - Expand

Apologies if you already thought of/tried it, but would a pillow or cushion against your lower back while you drive help a little in the mean time?

Late to the thread, but I'm sorry about your pain/car situation. I think that you need to explore what exactly about the seats is bothering you. I'm short and so if the front of the seat doesn't tip down low enough, I either have to be 5 inches from the wheel or my calves strain to depress the pedals - and I don't have any chronic/injury pain issues. Pinpointing what exactly would solve your pain problem would possibly make a modification easier, like a cushion or some other fix.

All that said, accidents are called accidents for a reason. Yes, she might have been doing something supremely stupid, but unless it was intentional, this is the reason that insurance exists. Everyone makes mistakes. Is she truly a horrible person? (I've genuinely heard people who have *killed* people while driving say they didn't care about the life they took, so I can imagine this for a less serious accident.) Or is it her insurance and the whole situation that's horrible? I'm not trying to be harsh, but I think it's good to focus negative feelings on the true culprit and not red herrings.

I'm not sure what consequences you wanted her to suffer. A ticket? That's pretty much all that can happen to someone who causes an accident, unless she had been drunk (or possibly if you had been killed/very badly injured, depending on your local laws). I can assure you that she IS suffering consequences through her insurance though, if that makes you feel better. Her premiums will undoubtedly increase, she will possibly be dropped entirely from her insurance, and every insurer will see this accident in her past going forward. And some jobs could be possibly closed to her (commercial driver or anything involving transporting children usually require a clean driving record). While she is not paying for everything herself, you probably wouldn't want that to happen in reality - an insurance company has far deeper pockets, after all.

Again, I don't mean to be mean. I think that it's normal to go through a sort of grief-like process when you suffer through something like this. As someone who has gone through similar situations (and barely survived emotionally) and seen even more people go through it with varied results, my only advice can be let yourself go through that process without becoming mired in it. Your frustration and anger are understandable and valid, and your physical pain is compounding everything. You need to let yourself heal on several levels and take that time.

Maybe you can add something to the seat, like a padded seat cover or something that might help reduce the pain? Years ago, my mom hurt her back or something and had this little inflatable "doughnut" to sit on, including while driving. I don't know the nature of your pain and am not a doctor anyway, but see if there's some way to temporarily augment the seat to make it bearable.

I'm sorry you're in pain and have to put up with a shitty car after losing one you liked.

Have you spoken to an ambulance chaser about suing for uninsured losses? Even though your insurance settled, you might still have a case (depending on circumstances and state laws, etc) for further damages.

Other people have addressed different things, but... about how much would you get if you sold your car? I ask because I have never gone through a dealership. I've gotten every one that wasn't a hand-me-down from my parents (I was soooo not turning down the really damn good car my Dad is certain is going to die immediately because it has 150k miles... it's a fucking Honda engine, every one I have had, and several people I know as well, have seen 250k+ until death by accident, usually) via Craigslist. This may or not be feasible for you; some areas don't have a lot of cars or they're damaged by rock salt on the roads. But I would look at your local Craigslist and see what the general price range is, esp if you have a friend that's good with mechanical things (or if you are!) who can check it out.

As others have said, her insurance rates have probably gone up and she may have to switch to another insurer that isn't necessarily as good (for her own needs) as the one she had (depending on who she already had) in order to afford it. It's also on her driving record that she caused an accident. (Did this happen on a public street? Is there a police record of this?) That takes years to go away.

Finally, who knows how she actually feels about this? She hasn't necessarily dismissed this as no big deal. Even aside from the practical insurance- and driving record-related concerns she might feel really bad about this. I once caused a very minor accident in a parking lot - very low speed, no injuries at all, very minor damage to both cars, insurance took care of everything satisfactorily, responding police officer declined to file a report because it was off the street on private property - but I was really angry at myself over it for a long time (I was being careful and paying attention and I still screwed up!) and experienced a lot of self-doubt about my driving abilities after driving for over 15 years without incident in all kinds of weather and all kinds of vehicles, even long-distance and off-road. Even now, years later, I still mentally kick myself when I think about it. That's not the same thing as living with serious physical pain (which I'm very glad I didn't cause to either of us) but you couldn't say there were absolutely no repercussions on my part.

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