fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3243 ]

[ SECRET POST #3243 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3243 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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08. [SPOILERS for Longmire]

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09. [SPOILERS for Arrow]

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10. [WARNING for dub-con/non-con]

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11. [WARNING for rape]

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other than "not aligning with me on basic life outlooks/decisions (kids, religion, where to live, etc.)" and "not being an asshole" which I think apply to most people, here are a few of mine:

+not being able to live with dogs
+smoking
+not being comfortable over 75F
+constantly getting drunk (I'd prefer to be with someone who does drink socially, but drunkenness is no thanks)

I didn't know religion was a basic life outlook that partners needed to "align" with.

You do realize that being free to marry outside one's faith is kind of a big positive thing?

Found the atheist.

...actually I'm not atheist. However, my parents are mixed-religion.

And what does that mean anyway? Do you think that people should only marry within their religion?

I don't think people should only marry within their religion, but I do think that if someone chooses to do so they should not be judged or heckled for it.

Re: Relationship Dealbreakers

(Anonymous) - 2015-11-21 01:03 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Relationship Dealbreakers

diet_poison - 2015-11-21 01:10 (UTC) - Expand

it is but to a lot of people it's important to marry someone who shares their faith. I'm free to do that too.

I don't really understand why you're going after that particular bit so vehemently...

You're being deliberately obtuse. I think many if not most people would prefer that their partner shares the same values as them, and for those who feel strongly about their religious beliefs (or lack thereof), they would naturally prefer a partner who more or less has the same ideas.

Thanks. You said it better than I did.

Some inter-faith relationships can work, if both people can compromise in ways that don't strain their religious-based morals, but if someone is expecting their partner to go against the religious beliefs to make a relationship work and the religious person really cannot accept that, it is a dealbreaker.

+not being comfortable over 75F

ah, yes. The Patriarctic. I am on-board with this

I'm cackling over "The Patriarctic"

the...what?

am I missing something obvious?

The Patriarctic is a term coined to describe the subtle sexism of men controlling the temperatures of shared environments. It's always geared to be too cold for women because that's where men are most confortable.

Oh.

I actually hadn't heard of that before.

I'm just basically a lizard in terms of personal thermostat. I prefer to be warmer than most people, including most women I've met. If I had my druthers my living space would be 80F all the time (except maybe 75F when I'm sleeping). I realize that I probably won't meet and marry someone who also wants it to be 80F in the house, but I'm not willing to put up with 70 or below all the time. I'd just be miserable.

da

I think they were making a joke in reference to a couple of articles that have been published that show that "most office buildings are kept at a temperature that's comfortable to the average man" rather than for the the average woman (here's one of them: http://www.sciencealert.com/here-s-why-women-are-always-freezing-in-offices-according-to-science). Some people are pushing for this to change because they find it unfair to women, which leads to the idea that temperatures below 75 are The Patriarctic

Re: Relationship Dealbreakers

diet_poison - 2015-11-21 01:45 (UTC) - Expand

I'll second the smoking and constantly getting drunk ones.

I also don't want to be with someone who owns guns, but doesn't work in law enforcement.

That's one that honestly never crossed my mind. I think for me it would depend on why they own guns and how they're stored. If it's a hobby (like going to the shooting range) I'd probably be okay with it.

Yeah, obviously there are legit uses for guns out there, and if people want to do that stuff on their own time, go for it. For me it's just the fact that I don't feel comfortable being around guns in general, even if the person owning and using them is responsible. And if I ever did have kids, there'd be the added stress and worry of making sure they didn't stumble upon them, too.

Re: Relationship Dealbreakers

diet_poison - 2015-11-21 15:45 (UTC) - Expand

Or living on a farm. (I have had an experience where I witnessed a farmer scaring off wild cockatoos with a rifle.)

Re: Relationship Dealbreakers

diet_poison - 2015-11-21 15:45 (UTC) - Expand

I can see that. I might be okay with one or two guns, if they're stored securely and the person was well trained. But I'd be wary of someone who owns a ton of them because it just feels weird to me. I feel similarly about people who own bunches of cars, or roomfuls of clothes or a closet full of shoes. I suspect there'd be other ways our personalities would clash, too.

If I ever met a guy who owns tons of guns, my first thought would be something along the lines of, "paranoid survivalist" or "heavily overcompensating". And that would have me backing away very quickly.

Haha these are similar dealbreakers to me, but a few opposites -

-they'd have to be able to live with cats. Under no circumstances would I ever get rid of my cats for a partner, and they would have to at least tolerate and treat them gently. No assholes who yell or smack pets.
-They'd have to be comfortable UNDER 75F. I hate heat.

No smoking or hardcore drinking for me either.

I would ideally want to have both dogs and cats. And yeah, anyone who mistreated an animal? Out.

They'd have to be comfortable UNDER 75F. I hate heat.

...anon, I hate to have to say it this way, but...I don't think you and I are meant to be. :'(

I think I agree with all of that (including the religion issue, and kids), though I would also add that tolerance to cats as well. I'm fine with dogs but I love cats.

I'd love to have both. Dogs are my dealbreaker, though. I could compromise on cats, but not dogs. (I grew up only with dogs; my dad and sister are both allergic to cats so we couldn't have them.)

My first boyfriend, and the only long-term one I've had, was a cat person through and through, and wasn't at first very comfortable with dogs. I told him that dogs were a necessity, and it was a compromise he was willing to make. He spent some time with my dog and got comfortable around her. I think if we'd gotten married, and went together to adopt all of our pets, we'd have found a dog he liked. :) And we talked about how he could exclusively do the litter boxes and I'd exclusively do the dog mess in the yard - fair distribution of responsibilities and all that.

My current bf really likes dogs, so nothing to worry about in that regard.

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