[ SECRET POST #3265 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3265 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 075 secrets from Secret Submission Post #467.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2- not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: looking for a grammar/language beta

[ylg.livejournal.com]

First of all, thank you very much! I'm sorry I didn't answer sooner, I didn't have much time during the week, then IP-logging was on and I felt a tad uncomfortable pinning an IP to my ID. Also, I'm very sorry and I apologize if your were spoiled in the process for the second movie.


What do you mean by "wreckage"?
I don't know what you may have learned about the movie, I don't want to spoil even more. Without giving out too much, an armada attacked then retreated so I figured any ship they left behind had been damaged--not shipwrecked per se because it was in shallow waters, but... I don't know what word I should use, they're standing on what left of a battlefield full of debris on a shore.


Re: "monster" and "body"; in my native language I would have avoided repetiting the same word but I was under the impression--maybe mistaken--that in English it didn't matter as much? But I can change it, of course.


What exactly do you mean to emphasize with "how he was left to take care of Hiccup"? Are you saying that he tried to put on a brave face for Hiccup and not show his pain? I want to be sure before I make any suggestions.
That Stoick was on his own to raise Hiccup as a single parent--while still taking care of the entire village and I didn't know how to work in that it takes a village to raise a child, with disastrous results with Hiccup, or that Gobber maybe stepped in as a honorary uncle or something and argh, run on sentence, where do I stop?


Do you know how to use Google Docs? I find it a lot more intuitive to suggest edits in that.
Nope, sorry, I don't.


If it counts for anything, I thought this was well-written. I don't have the context to appreciate it, but it seems like it would really tug at the heartstrings.
Thank you so very much, for the beta, the suggestions and the kind words. I hope you can see the second movie someday!

Re: looking for a grammar/language beta

[feotakahari]

In leaving, Draco's army has left behind nothing but wreckage.

Some of the paragraph spacing is screwed up.

their reunion. Gobber Did I already suggest this one?

mourned silently, how he stood strong for Hiccup and didn't show his pain. Working in something about how he failed Hiccup as a parent seems like it would be a distraction at this point.

That's the second pass.

For future reference, it feels like there are too many commas. It would be good to experiment more with sentences that don't use commas. I'd leave that for another time, though--this feels good enough as it is, and I don't want to mutilate it too much.

I'll look at the Fullmetal Alchemist one tomorrow.