fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3356 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3356 ⌋

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I hate the expression "to pass (on)" for when someone dies. I mean, is it because I'm not a native speaker of english? To me it sounds a) really kitschy and b) like you're implicitly saying that they have "passed on to another plane/a better place/heaven", which negates the dying part and implies believing in an afterlife. So I get why people who believe in these things would say it, but professed sceptics and atheists? I don't get it. And it's really EVERYWHERE and in every conversation about someone dying.

Now, "to pass away" I can live with, but I still find it too metaphorical and kitschy, because it means "to walk/go away", and someone who dies does not just walk somewhere.

I agree with this. I do believe in an afterlife. But if you don't, why would you use the phrase? It does really seem to imply that you are passing on to something.

oh wow, glad I'm not the only one. Lately I was really wondering if it was just me and my german language background that was the problem. (we say "verstorben" if we want to politely say "has died", which ist still "has died", but like "has died and is no more".)

I'm wondering though if it's an american thing, or equally used in british or other english varieties.

I'm very much an atheist, but I will use "passed on" and "passed away" when I'm speaking to others about people who they've known who have died. I do this because I don't want to force them to confront the death in its full harshness if that's not what they want to do.

By saying, "When your uncle passed on," I am being gentle and giving that person the leeway to frame that death however they want to. As far as I'm concerned, their uncle - the person - is nowhere and nothing. He's ashes, he's a decomposing corpse, that's it. But that's not how everyone sees it, and even if that is how someone sees death, they don't necessarily want to be overtly reminded of that reality when it's still fresh.

I don't believe in an afterlife and still use the phrase because

1) it is a common, polite way to indicate someone has died.
2) they are passing on to something: the state of being dead, as opposed to being alive. No religion or belief in the afterlife is required or necessarily implied in my usage.

It's everywhere because it is a commonly used phrase and has survived from older more religious generations to today. I like that connection with the past.

OP
yeah, I guess one person's "kitschy and overused" can be another person's "traditional and familiar".

I get that. I guess I just find the idea of tradition for the sake of tradition even if it no longer makes sense a bit odd. I'm totally cool with traditions. But in this case the phrase does sound like it means a specific thing and it seems a little odd to me to use it when you don't mean that. It doesn't exactly bother me, I just don't really get it.

imo the reason pass on/away is so prevalent is because it's less direct than "they died" so it feels more polite and/or sympathetic. I think other languages have similar expressions for the same reasons.

AYRT I get that. I've said it above but in my language we also use a different word if we want to be polite, but this specific way of indirectness kinda just bugs me because of the implications. And I think it's just as kitschy as "is no more".

Oops, didn't mean to reply to you!

Edited 2016-03-12 23:17 (UTC)

As someone who DOESN'T believe in an afterlife, I tend to say it among certain company out of politeness, because I know certain people do believe in an afterlife and are the type to say things like "He passed" and can get kind of uncomfortable when people just say "he died" because apparently that sounds almost like you're being disrespectful of the dead somehow. What I'm saying is, the chances I'm going to offend people by saying "passed on" are a lot lower than the chances I might offend someone by saying "died" because people who don't like "passed on" (like me) just find it kind of annoying and not an offense against the dead.

[ SECRET POST #3356 ]

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