fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3365 ]

[ SECRET POST #3365 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3365 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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idk what to say but I'm fucking everything up. I don't know how much longer I can take it but I keep lying to everyone and making like, long term plans with them when I know in my heart I won't be alive to carry them out. I want everyone to think im okay but I also hate lying to them.

basically what I'm trying to say is I've started rehearsing my suicide so one day I'll be ready. I might rehearse it again tonight. Idk why I'm posting this here I guess this is the only place I ever talk to people where no one knows me irl but. yeah. I haven't told anyone that yet so I'm telling the void of F!S. I don’t know why.

sorry

Please don't do this, anon. Tell people what you're feeling and get help. I promise you that depression lies, it tells you there is no hope and nothing you can do to ever change the situation you're in, but THAT IS NOT TRUE. But you won't know this because you can't see your way out of the hole you're in. That's why you need to talk to the people who love you, because I can guarantee you that they will be heartbroken if you commit suicide.

I've told some people. My mom yelled at me and told me I was lying so I could hurt her, and the friends I told seem to mostly be pretending I never said anything (which I understand cause I guess I wouldn't know what to say to me either, and they have their own problems.) Only one person (my SO) seemed to care and I can't burden them more then I already do so i would rather just pretend.

I just don't want to be alive anymore. everything is too much and too overwhelming

idk im having a hard time expressing myself right now, im sorry

NAYRT--that's terrible about your mom; I hope you find more people who will take your pain seriously, and I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed and miserable. I don't know if it will help, but maybe try aiming for the first of those long-range plans. Stay alive until then. When you reach that day, stay alive until the next planned thing. Keep planning things. Depression lies; even when your life isn't awful, it's gonna make you think everything will suck forever, and that's not necessarily true. My worst depressive episode lasting through flunking a semester, dropping out of school, moving back home, and a couple of months into finding my first real job before it started to lighten up. I still have shit days, and weeks, and even months here and there. But on the whole, I'm glad I'm alive, even if I wish my life would throw less shit at me. I hope your brain throws less shit at you, and you feel better. Good luck, please don't give up on life yet.

That's not always true. My mom knew this guy who had been depressed for years, and I mean more than 15 years here. In the end he killed himself because no matter how much he tried his depression never went away.

So yep, usually things get better but not always.

Yeah but even when you struggle with depression for years you have ups and downs. It's not like you can cure it. I was diagnosed with depression twenty years ago and I've had good years and bad years but on the whole I'm just glad I'm alive to read books and watch tv and drink coffee. Some times it's the really tiny things that give me happiness and hey I'll take it. Air conditioning on a hot day. Swimming in a pool. The smell of eucalyptus trees. I'd just rather be alive than dead.

Wow, you're an asshole.

You can say that. Some people would say giving people false hope is an asshole thing to do. There's a reason /r/suicidewatch has the rule "Please, never make promises to our vulnerable OPs that you personally can't keep. This means not saying "it gets better" or guaranteeing any outcomes!"

I've seen people get suicidally depressed people pumped up with a bunch of optimistic enthusiasm, but then it usually falls flat because nothing has actually been done for the depressed person or changed in their life, and then they feel even worse.

Depressed people don't need to be lied to and they don't need their trust broken. That doesn't help them.

Suicide is a bad answer, Nonny. It's a cheat and it steals all of the possibilities of life from its victims. As far as your mom's friend goes, there are new advances in treatment for depression all the time. Not just meds but other therapies like EMDR or NLP as well as refinements in the standard treatments. Your mother's friend may not have had access to any good/helpful support and that alone might have paved the way for his suicide.

Don't give up on yourself, Nonny, and don't throw in the towel just yet. Try any options that you can, see if something works for you. If something does work for you, then you've discovered something really awesome that you would have missed out on. If nothing helps, then you are still in control of your life and you can make this decision without any regrets or second guessing, knowing you've done all you can.

(to clarify the op (me) is not the anon w/ the moms friend.)

Based on the your first 2 sentences, I call tell you're fucking asshole. Way to go.

Why, exactly? NAYRT, but I'm curious. I was diagnosed with depression in my early twenties, and have attempted suicide twice since, but I still agree with AYRT. Suicide is the worst outcome and it's what happens when the disease wins.

"Suicide is a bad answer, Nonny. It's a cheat and it steals all of the possibilities of life from its victims."

I'm just so tired of victim blaming. It's not a bad answer nor is it a cheat. For some people, it feels like the only answer, and I don't think killing yourself is cowardly or taking the easy way out. I think that whether you chose to live or to die is difficult and neither way is "right" or "wrong." Suicide might "steal life," but people who want to die already live in situations like that. If someone wants to die, it's because they see their "possibility of life" as already been taken from them.

I've been suicidal more times that I can count and have been hospitalized a few times. In those bleak moments, I often felt more disappointed with myself for not ending it than living. And even though I feel differently today, I still think that those feelings are valid and important and should be treated with respect. I'm just so tired of victims being guilted into living or guilted for feeling a certain way or thinking a certain way. I think most people, especially those without mental illness are very selfish and narrow minded when it comes to giving "advice" to mentally ill people.

Hey I'm the OP and I really appreciate your honesty in this response. "being guilted into living" is how I feel about a lot of responses to suicide, and it is supremely unhelpful to me. Like. It doesn't help me, but everyone acts like "you would hurt so many people by dying" is supposed to make me feel better? It just makes me feel worse.

I'm really sorry people are making you feel that way. It's such a crappy thing for people to do on top of everything else. I think the important thing is that you get help and get better because *you* want to. I know it is difficult, but it's something I've been working on for the past five years, so if you want/need advice about getting help, you can always ask me. I won't tell you what to do, but I do hope that you soon feel better and that you stay safe and get the help you deserve. <3

I'm the AYRT. I apologize for the idea that I was victim blaming or shaming with my comments on suicide. That was certainly not my intention and I didn't think that it was intimated by my remarks. I am very sorry if my comments offended you. I don't see what you found so offensive in my comments or why you decided I was an asshole by the tack I chose.

I also have mental illness. I was not trying to be selfish or narrow-minded in my response to the OP. I do believe that depression lies. It says there is no hope, no possibility of change, no future for the one who suffer from it. I earnestly believe that time proves the lie. So far, decades of experience has confirmed my beliefs but ymmv.

I've been there, Anon. It's a terrible feeling to have. If you're looking for resources, I used to help run a mental illness blog that directs people to cheap and free options for dealing with suicidal ideation and a whole host of mental illnesses. I think it would be a big help: mentalillnessmouse.tumblr.com/helpfulresources. They also give give personalized advice if you need it. <3

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[ SECRET POST #3365 ]

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