fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3455 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3455 ⌋

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Notes:

Early because places to go!

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I think I might be emotionally abusing my partner. I don't know whether to get help, or if I should walk away entirely. I want what's best for them, but I'm immensley fucked up and don't trust myself to do it right and not hurt them more.

Therapy. Go talk to a therapist. And if you can't, walk away.

Thank you. I'll start on that tomorrow.

No, radfem anon. It doesn't matter what genders either person is.

AYRT What?

Da
Whenever someone posts anything about relationships and relationship problems there is always one anon who wants to know the genders of the people involved and judge based on that. Anon was being preemptive

AYRT Oh I see. Thanks. I deliberately omitted genders because I didn't think it relevant.

Dare I ask - what kind of behavior are you recognizing in yourself as abusive?

I come from a family where screaming at each other and throwing things was how problems were dealt with. I also have a hideous temper and I get incredibly nasty and verbally cutting when angry. My partner doesn't cope well with people being angry and loses all ability to form sentences when they're upset.

It's a very bad mix. My temper as improved since we started dating as I've been trying to quash it but... it's not enough. And I'm starting to think that the way that I deal with our arguments is tantamount to abuse.

It sounds like you are trying to get better. I think therapy would be extremely beneficial to you. Talk to your partner about it as well.

I hope so. I'm going to give it a try. My partner doesn't think there's anything wrong but I think that's because they have zero self esteem. :( (They have their own messed up family background.)

Definitely enroll in some anger management and therapy in general. Try and see if your relationship is salvageable - but also understand if it isn't. Its good that you recognize that its a problem, so you can try and change, but also understand that you should really want to change and not just seem better so your partner will stay with you.

You could probably do individual therapy and couples therapy, if you can afford it. It sounds like your partner may have issues too (that could be projecting - but I am someone who also shuts down when people scream at me, and in my case its due to childhood trauma I suffered.)

Thank you, good advice. I do want to change, very much so. Not just for them, but because I don't want to be the person I currently am.

Well, if you're screaming and throwing things, that's not really a great way to deal with anger, period. It's definitely something you should consider therapy for, regardless of whether or not your partner thinks it's abuse.

Chard, give it a rest.

chardhater, give it a rest.

Your dog secretly hates you

Every belly rub is a torture

[ SECRET POST #3455 ]

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I only emotionally abuse anons.