fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3531 ]

[ SECRET POST #3531 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3531 ⌋

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Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 47 secrets from Secret Submission Post #505.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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well I've had to throw away plenty of doughs that didn't work out, but one particularly strange and embarrassing thing comes to mind:
I tried to improvise a pureed soup with sweet potatoes, normal soup ingredients like onions garlic and spices, and almond milk. I am pretty sure the almond milk was unsweetened, but maybe that's where I fucked up.
Anyway it ended up smelling and tasting distinctly of caramel and the texture wasn't creamy at all. More like goo. As if the sugars in the sweet potato and the almond combined into something completely inedible.

Probably the time I started toasting some cheese and finished by burning down the cabin. It is hard to top that. Well, maybe if someone had died. Or it was part of an apartment building, but it was just the cabin and nobody was injured.

holy shit, I can't stop laughing

Don't blame you. In hindsight it has been pretty funny, a tale for the family gatherings (although it has left me exiled to the washing up as far as chores go) that everyone loves to hear about. Scary at the time, and filling in the insurance forms were a pain but not something that the loss adjuster seemed even remotely surprised about, and lots of other emotions, but the dust (and ash) has settled and it is now a funny family tale.

Too much salt in cheese muffins. Way too much.
Trying to make fries and setting fire to my oil. I still don't know how it happened but suddenly I had a flaming cooking pot on the stove and black smoke everywhere.

I may be about to have it-- I'm trying to make jam for the first time ever. One of my coworkers has a plum tree and she's been desperately foisting the plums off on us, and being that I goddamned love plums (and they're super tasty!) I said I'd take some.

THERE ARE SO MANY PLUMS IN THIS BAG.

Naturally, there are only so many pies and crumbles I can make, so: jam! It can't be that hard...ahahaha pray for me plz

You could also make plum chutney!

Re: What is your worst cooking disaster?

(Anonymous) - 2016-09-03 21:58 (UTC) - Expand

I made jam in high school and it wasn't that difficult. The hardest part was the actual canning process (our teacher did it for us)

Could you simply freeze the plums so that you could eat them later? This way you'll have yummy plums come the middle of winter.

Re: What is your worst cooking disaster?

(Anonymous) - 2016-09-03 21:59 (UTC) - Expand

Plum jam is super easy and you can use up kilos of fruit if you want.

http://www.sbs.com.au/food/recipes/backyard-plum-jam

Canning or jarring the jam isn't that hard either. You just need to make sure you sterilse any jars, which you can do while the jam is cooking.

http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/videos/techniques/how-sterilise-jars

I once tried making risotto with a different brand of stock than my usual. I didn't know it needed to be diluted (there weren't any instructions on the box). The result was horribly salty.

I once forgot to put the flour in the brownies. It haunts me to this day.

My mother once re-orgainised the pantry without telling me, and as a result, I put bicarb soda into some biscuits instead of icing sugar. I do not wish to discuss the results.

At one point, I was unaware that pouring alcohol into a very hot pan might result in foot-high flames. I know that now.

And none of this is getting into the number of times that my parents have left a door open and the dog has eaten something I spent hours on.

What happened to the flourless brownies? Were they just... soup?

Oh god I can't even imagine the baking soda incident.

Re: What is your worst cooking disaster?

(Anonymous) - 2016-09-04 01:22 (UTC) - Expand

Cooking up a soy sauce based glaze, letting it cook too hot for too long and getting something that looked like tar.

I once dropped a whole pan of meatloaf into some dishwasher while taking it out of the oven. :(

The time I had pizza in the oven and fell asleep. Woke up to smoke and charred bits in the oven.

I have this cake recepie that I'm locally famous for. Once I was visiting my uncle in Finland and he wanted me to make that cake for him. In the end I learned that finnish sour cream is something different from ours as the cake turned into a weird sweet soup instead. Thankfully, my uncle gave no fucks and just ate it out of the cake tin with a spoon.

The first time I made paella was awful, instead of putting a teaspoon of the spices I needed in I put a tablespoon each. It was inedible and I got take-out that evening instead.

I made spicy peanut chicken skewers for my parents. I misread an eight of a tsp as a full tsp of red chilli pepper powder.

They were good, but waaaaaay more spicy than intended.XD

Started heating up some oil in a pot to saute some zucchini; a few minutes later my girlfriend pointed out that the pot was engulfed in flames. Tried to pour water on the fire, and eventually ended up beating it out with a towel.

Also, one time I had a migraine and really wanted water but for some reason didn't feel like I could trust my tap water (??? I have no idea what paranoia that was) so I put some ice cubes in a pot and turned on the stove. Went to lie down, came back much later to find an empty, charred saucepan. I burnt water.

A couple that happened in the last few months for me was the time I tried to make canned salmon patties but mistook the icing sugar for cornflour. It was edible because I didn't put all that much icing sugar in before I went for a different flour that I didn't need to sift, but it tasted weird AF.

The other was when I decided I wanted deep-fried dough balls, but the dough I made was far too dry for frying and ended up tasting really dry and really greasy. On top of that it also triggered a little problem excessive oil can have with me - my pants had a terrible oil stain on them (it's a digestive issue).

I set fire to the stovetop.

All of them, I'm a shit cook, but the worst was when I set off the fire alarm in all of the bf's building from making toast and couldn't get it to shut off.

I set the kitchen on fire trying to make French fries once. I put on the oil, went to the bathroom REALLY quickly, like literally five minutes, came back and there was flames licking the ceiling. I guess there was something on the stove or crumbs in the oil that caused it.

Setting spaghetti on fire while having to cook it for home ec. The sad part being that I was having to do ALL the work for my group, and my groupmates were actively sabotaging me at times. Since I had to do EVERYTHING they'd take advantage of it to fuck something over every opportunity. And naturally, I ended up having to take the hit to my grade for them since I was the one who had to put out the fire on the spaghetti...I was the one who had to put out the grease fire while making the sauce...just...eugh.

One time, when I was a kid, I was asked to look after something my dad was cooking for a few minutes. There was a tv in the kitchen, in the opposite direction to the food.
Watched tv instead of the food, thing caught on fire. (It got put out fairly quickly after it was noticed though.)

There's also the "cupcake cookies" incident.
Baking biscuits (aka cookies for any Americans) with brother and a friend, doubled the recipe, forgot to double the flour.
First batch became one single tray-sized biscuit. After that we put them in cupcake/muffin tins (or whatever the term was).
They turned out decent enough, at least :P

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[ SECRET POST #3531 ]

What is your worst cooking disaster?

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