[ SECRET POST #3590 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3590 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 42 secrets from Secret Submission Post #513.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

04. http://oi65.tinypic.com/wtx1mx.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

I sometimes reflect and think "Gosh, I've had no real friends!" because with each friend, either we grew apart and lost touch, or they didn't seem to quite "get" me completely, or something else happened, and I kind of need to shake myself a little and say "Okay, so you haven't had one of those epic, 'platonic life partner' types of friendships, but you certainly had close friends and friends you loved, and you've been as good a friend to them as they ever were to you, so stop worrying if you live up to some ideal!"

When I think about it, of the people I know, the only "true companion" friends they have are significant others and siblings. They'll speak of bffs, but it never seems that intense a thing.

[(Anonymous)]

That happens in real life. It's called marriage.

[(Anonymous)]

Lol

Divorce not a thing in anons world apparently

[kallanda_lee]

That tends to be a romantic relationship, though, and it's not what OP seems to be talking about.

[(Anonymous)]

My BFF will be surprised to hear we're married.

[(Anonymous)]

honestly, yeah, it sounds corny but my husband is my best friend. he completely gets me and i get him and i know we'd have eachother's backs no matter what.
maybe thats part of why i married him, when i was around him i just knew that.

[philstar22]

I agree with this secret. Never had a friendship like this. Media makes me wish I did, but I don't exactly feel like I've missed out not having one. I feel like this kind of friendship would be exhausting for an introvert.

[(Anonymous)]

Not necessarily.

[(Anonymous)]

So basically what you're saying is that you were in your 20s before you realized not to believe everything you saw on TV?

I get you

[(Anonymous)]

I'm the kind of person who doesn't mentally consider someone a "friend" unless I really mean it (like I genuinely trust that I can confide in them and rely on them and stuff). I usually verbally refer to close acquaintances as "friends" for simplicity's sake.

I'm almost 20, but I'm still in touch with nearly all of my people in my high school group of friends, whether or not that continues is yet to be determined, but we get together when we're out of school and occasionally chat in a group chat to stay updated on each other's lives.

I'm still in contact with one of my best friends from elementary school. We only are able to get together only once or twice a year, but we've really stuck together for several reasons, including the fact we have very similar (and actually fairly traumatic) backgrounds and she's probably the only person I would be willing to tell basically anything.

In college, I've managed to find another group of "friends" (at this point they're straddling the line between close acquaintances and friends, I'm just not 100% with sharing sensitive things about my life yet) that I really enjoy hanging out with. This group also has a weirdly (as in I've never quite personally experienced a group of friends like this before) familial tone. Like the "leader" is the epitome of "the dad friend" and basically all the guys in it are starting to become something like brothers to me (*Koda voice* "I always wanted a brother"). I'm not sure if this group will ever attain "True Companions" status though, but that would be nice.

Something I've never really had is a serious, close two-person friendship, but I guess a future spouse could always fill that role someday.

[(Anonymous)]

I do have a friendship like this, and let me tell you: its literally only happened because my friend has major depression, hears voices in her head, and had a real fucked up home life when she was really young. The kind of closeness youre looking for really only happens with at least one super damaged person in it. I'm the only one who knows about all her issues, we'd do anything for each other, etc. It's wonderful but I couldn't imagine having this kind of relationship with more than one person let alone a group, it would be exhausting.

[(Anonymous)]

It actually does happen. But in my experience - not in western countries, which is pretty weird if I think about it.

[kallanda_lee]

Real friends exist, they're just a lot more rare in real life (also, you have to put a lot more into the friendship than you tend to see on screen).

[(Anonymous)]

I sometimes feel like this. Most of my friends have drifted away a bit and while they were making new ones I was unemployed and depressed, so there are definitely moments I feel kind of alone in the world. But even before that, I feel like I wasn't as close to them as I should have been. Even to the people I'd consider my 'best friends'.

I felt bad about it until not so long ago when Buzzfeed (of all things) had another quiz about how good of a friend or bff or whatever you are. I don't have a bff, but I was bored, so I took it. And OMG all the things they expected a good friend to be able and willing to do at a moment's notice. Granted, it's Buzzfeed, but still. It made me realize that those epic supertight friendships would probably annoy me and feel really stifling at times. I always wanted what the people on the show Friends had, but looking back I can't imagine being one of them. It must be incredibly annoying living in one of those flats and having people constantly barging in, no matter how much you like them.

That said, I'd still like more friends. Preferably ones I have things in common with and that I can laugh with.

[iggy]

Like I'm genuinely sorry that this doesn't exist for you (at least yet), but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen in real life? It absolutely does.

Best friends do exist, and a lot of people have them their entire lives.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think the kind of friendship you're describing never happens in real life. I'm sure it exists for some people. But I think it's a good thing to realize that it's not something the majority of people have in their lives. If all you have are low key friendships, that's very normal. And, as someone in this thread already said, I think this kind of super deep, intense friendship usually involves at least one of the people having some pretty significant issues. Or both/all of the people having gone through something pretty crazy/intense/traumatic together.

Personally I've never had anything even close to this level of connectedness with any of my friends. Except for my father, who I do consider my best friend, and who I also consider my platonic life partner. He literally means more to me than everyone else in the world combined. But I don't think it really counts when it's a family member?

[(Anonymous)]

I have about 6 of these friendships and honestly didn't even realize how lucky I was until a year or two ago when people thought it was strange how I'd be CLOSE friends with someone for over a decade or write lengthy emails to someone everyday (I'm mid-twenties for reference).

There's a kind of magic to these types of friendships, and I'll always say they're worth the occasional rough spots.

[(Anonymous)]

I understand this so completely that it is ridiculous.

I've come to think that most friends fit certain roles in your life. This might sound heartless or cold, but I just think that it's the best way to think about your friendships so you don't get broken up about not having one that fits all of them. Because that's almost impossible. One is your study friend, one is your hang out and watch TV friend, one is feelings friend, etc, etc.

It works for me because I feel like now I don't expect too much from people and I feel a lot happier.

[(Anonymous)]

It's been said before, but if you want a friend, then you have to be a friend.

It's just that you have to make peace with the possibility they won't return the favor. If they do, though, then great.

[(Anonymous)]

My best friend and I are like this. In my experience, I think such a friendship is possible. We've known each other since we were little kids (we're in our early twenties now)...and yeah, it's not going to be a dream all the time, you might fight, you have to learn when to be patient with each other, when to give space, and listen, etc. We're bound by friendship, shared experiences, and in my particular experience, many of our beliefs. We don't agree on everything, but that's not that point.

As an aside, we're practically like sisters, and she's the only person I've ever been so close to. In recent years, I've made good friends, but she will remain the other part of me.

I guess it also depends on what you're looking for in such a relationship. Yeah, I want someone who will have my back, but I also want someone who will call me out on my bullshit.

Good luck to you, OP!

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know if I agree. I don't really have acquaintances. "Casual friendship" is something I've never really figured out. but I have a few friends who I feel I can see after months of no contact and just reconnect immediately. I had friends like than in high school who I drifted apart from but I still love them and I think we would probably get along pretty well if our lifestyles hadn't diverged so dramatically.
Maybe my expectations are just lower than yours? Like I've been around best friends who do things like break into song together and that kind of living in each other's brains really freaks me out. I just want to be accepted by someone kind and interesting who gets excited about the same shit as me.

[(Anonymous)]

...IDK what happened but I've had the same group of friends since I was 13.

I'm 26 now.

[(Anonymous)]

Just because you've never had it doesn't mean it never happens. I've known most of my current group of friends for almost nine years now, and even though we live all around the country, we talk on voice chat every night, we play MMOs together, and we get together in person a few times a year. I feel totally and completely comfortable around these people and I know they've got my back whenever I need it, because they've proven that much to me already.

[(Anonymous)]

I wouldn't despair of never finding a friendship like this. It takes work, and time. My best friend in medical school and I have a relationship where we can literally tell each other everything (there is no such thing as TMI between us), and I know that she would never judge me, and vice versa. That didn't develop overnight, but when you've gone through the trenches so to speak (either literally, or in reference to days and days of clinical work and studying), you can develop really close bonds.

And then there is my best friend from high school, who is still my best friend now at age 27. So we've been friends for 10 years, and we have definitely not always been this close. We had a friend group where we were each closer to someone else, but then over time we sort of drifted together and now I swear she knows me better than I know myself.

She's the friend whom I called first when I got dumped via email on Christmas Eve. I was devastated. She literally started crying on the phone when I told her, and her fiance standing beside her was worried somebody had died because she was so upset. She then drove immediately to my place on Christmas Eve, stopping only to pick up Menchie's frozen yogurt and nonalcoholic wine (because I don't drink).

True best friends exist. You have to open yourself up and be vulnerable. You also have to find the right person, which can take time. But I promise they exist!