[ SECRET POST #3654 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3654 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 25 secrets from Secret Submission Post #522.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

How is it tryhard IRL if that's the way a person naturally speaks?

Like I guarantee when I am swearing I'm not trying anything, I have to try to NOT swear because it's so naturally in my vocabulary I don't even realize I'm doing it half the time.

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT

As someone who never swore growing up because my Dad didn't like it, I now have to refrain from swearing when I'm at their place because nearly EVERYONE at my work swears and it has me swearing like a sailor without conscious thought.

I felt bad because we had some students recently and I felt like they were gonna go back and be all, "And the number one thing I learned at [Hospital] was new and inventive combinations of swearwords." XD

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT Yeah it's honestly pretty easy to pick up depending on the environment you're in. In college I stopped censoring myself and that continued on into work to the point that now I really have to think about stopping myself in places where it's not acceptable.

I have a cousin who thinks I swear too much but she also works with children and she could never swear at work, I'm practically never around kids, just fellow adults who swear.

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT but I agree with this. I was raised in a strict Roman Catholic household, went to Catholic school, and most of my jobs have been in a customer service setting. I'm currently non-denominational, but still the only time I swear is if I'm where and with someone who doesn't mind swearing/swears themselves because NOT swearing aloud has been so ingrained in my psyche.

It boils down to: if I swear around you, you're seeing a side of me I usually keep deeply hidden and normally only comes out when writing stories (which is a reason I love writing foul-mouthed characters).

[(Anonymous)]

Well I mean, if it's how someone naturally speaks, it's how they naturally speak. Mentally, I equate it with people who say "like" all the time.

[ketita]

Thing is, everybody has verbal tics, but some of them can be incredibly distracting. Such as saying "like" constantly. It's something that can be worked on, regardless of how "natural" it is - speech patterns aren't set in stone.

[(Anonymous)]

That's my opinion of excessive swearing.

[(Anonymous)]

DA Distracting to you is not necessarily distracting to someone else. It's one thing if you're making a public speech or need to curb your swearing around children, but judgement of how people speak in a casual setting is unnecessary.

Plus just to add, a lot of my vocab tics come out due to anxiety, so I really don't appreciate people judging the way I speak.

[(Anonymous)]

Judgment will happen no matter what, you don't get to be exempt. People judge people for any perceived social transgression, whether or not in a casual situation. If you swear a lot, some people are going to judge that, whether because it makes them uncomfortable, or because they think you sound dumb doing it. Many people won't, but some people will, because millennia of a culture where certain words are taboo aren't suddenly irrelevant for everyone. That's something you'll just have to learn how to not care about, because you can't guilt people into liking it if they don't, being comfortable with it if they're not, or thinking you sound eloquent if they don't.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm honestly not as concerned about the judgement happening as the implication that it's me or anyone who speaks like me who needs to change my vocabulary because someone else finds it distracting, that's why I said, "Distracting to you is not necessarily distracting to someone else."

I spoke about my anxiety to give someone a possible reason as to why someone might speak the way they do. There are also a host of other reasons people end up developing these so called "verbal tics" so I think less judgement in general may not be a bad thing.

Your reasoning also confuses me a bit because by the same token of what you're saying, why do I have to be comfortable with them judging me? Maybe they have to learn to "not care about" how others speak?

[(Anonymous)]

I feel like we have had this exact discussion before on fs and it always draws out the slightly snobby "swearing is lazy expression" people. That's true, but communication is too essential to have to be intelligent all the time.

[ketita]

I hear you.
It may be unnecessary, but at the same time, it's something that happens. And of course distracting to me might not distract anybody else. Ultimately, I think it's up to each person to figure out their own way of speaking. It can be helpful to be aware of your own tics, and then it's up to you to decide if you want to do something about it, or if it's even an option for you.
But since the way you speak is literally the basis for your communication with people, it's kind of natural that how you speak would affect how you communicate with them and how they think of you...

[(Anonymous)]

I probably should have said, I can understand general judgement but I think strict judgement, particularly in casual settings, it's something that can be let go of.

Of course how we communicate is always going to hold a level of importance, but not everyone is going to speak eloquently and in the exact way you want them to all the time. If I know someone is judging how I speak, it just makes the tics worse and I can only control it if I have a pre-written speech.

Plus having a lot of friends who speak English as a second language I find it's better to be supportive because low self confidence about how they speak just makes them want to speak less. I think the same can be true for anyone who struggles with any language, even if it's their own.

[ketita]

I mean I'm honestly not sure what you're talking about regarding "strict" judgement here. Most people in conversation are not spending the time analyzing your speech patterns, because they're actively talking to you. If somebody starts correcting somebody verbally then that's just kind of asshatty behavior, there's no call to do that.
I have ESL friends too, and I wouldn't correct their speaking unless they ask me to.

But for example, I know somebody who "umm"s a lot. Seriously a lot. Multiple times per sentence. And yeah, it's kind of painful to talk to them, but obviously they have friends who aren't bothered by the tic. Being judged by people you interact with is a thing that exists, and it's a thing you ultimately have no control over. People will take you how they will.

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe I have known some asshatty people because I have known people to correct others when they're speaking. I once had a friend correct my vocabulary when I was speaking a certain way completely on purpose, it was both obnoxious and insulting.

I don't know that "people will judge" is really a great justification for judging is all I'm saying. If I can't change that people judge, by the same token you can't change the way other people speak and maybe you need to find ways to make it less annoying for you?

Maybe turn "Umm" into a mythical creature like the Alot: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

[ketita]

It's not justification, it's reality. If your communication has certain quirks to it, some people may notice, and some people may tailor their interactions with you based on it. Not everyone. And some people may notice but not care. And some people may not notice at all.
I have no idea why you're trying to turn me into this crazed Judgey McJudgerson who is unable to talk to people without "finding ways to make it less annoying for me", what the hell.

All I said above was that you can choose to be aware of your own communication tics, and you can choose whether or not you care to do something about it. I have certain verbal tics that I eliminated because *I* wanted to, not for anybody else.

It's clear to me that you're taking my general comment and making it very personal, because of your own experiences. I'm sorry you went through that. Talk however you want to talk.

[(Anonymous)]

Basically, they want you to feel guilty for feeling irritated by certain speech habits by pushing the "anxiety" "snobbish" and "judgement" buttons, so they don't have to change.

Pretty classic attack pattern and pretty shabby imo. Feel how you like, and I'm feeling right there with you. Communication is two-way and BOTH parties have some responsibility.

[ketita]

...yes, now that you mention it. Wow, some people are really incapable of taking any responsibility for anything, apparently.