[ SECRET POST #3760 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3760 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 10 secrets from Secret Submission Post #536.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Questions/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Because I have need of one, and hopefully someone else will get use out of it, too.

Question for fellow bi or pan people

[(Anonymous)]

So, I'm wondering, how specific are your types? I mean, for me, my view of gender is very fluid and I think it is a very personal thing. But when it comes to attraction, my attraction is very binary. I'm very attracted to a certain type of man that is fairly conventionally attractive and masculine, and also a certain type of woman who is fairly conventionally attractive and feminine. I've never been particularly attracted to androgyny (other than a few small clothes things like heels and panties on men and suits/ties on women). I'm not saying I couldn't ever be attracted to androgyny, but it hasn't really happened yet.

Is this weird? Is it weird to be attracted to both men and women and yet to still be very specifically attracted to conventional things on both sides. And to actually see it as being attracted to men and women (never, so far, been attracted to anyone of another gender or no gender, though anything is possible) even though I absolutely believe that gender isn't actually binary like that?

And, also, especially as a woman who has a problem with how male gazy media is, and yet, certain things are still super hot to me while bothering me at the same time. It feels hypocritical even though I don't know how to stop that attraction.

Re: Question for fellow bi or pan people

[(Anonymous)]

No. It's not weird. It's not hypocritical. You don't need to "stop that attraction."

Re: Question for fellow bi or pan people

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know if it's weird or not, but I'm much the same way.

Re: Question for fellow bi or pan people

[(Anonymous)]

I'm pretty much the same, I have a few exceptions but I don't think it's weird to be bi but still be attracted to your stereotypical versions of men and women.

Also keep in mind that even when you're bi you still kind of take in those messages of what a man should be and what a woman should be and that can effect attraction. No one is really above those messages we receive our entire lives.

Re: Question for fellow bi or pan people

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know h9w weird it is, but I'm the same way. I'm bi, and while I don't desire stereotypical personalities, I desire my women as very feminine looking and my males as very masculine looking. So far I've yet to be attracted to anyone more androgynous.

Re: Question for fellow bi or pan people

[(Anonymous)]

Bi girl here.

I don't think what you're attracted to can be helped. If androgynous people don't do it for you, fine. Anyone who thinks you Need To Be Attracted To This Kind Of Person is being obnoxious and infringing on your agency. There would only be a problem if you were actively against androgynous people being considered attractive.

The more I think about my "type," the more I realize I don't really have one. I like dark-haired people with excellent noses, but not exclusively.

I agree with you on the paradox of the male gaze. I find myself stupidly turned on by some things, but then feeling ashamed that I would be turned on by something so... brutish, I guess? Whatever the male gaze is, it's not delicate. I don't like being made to objectify girls the way men tend to do. It's invasive, almost rapey.

Re: Question for fellow bi or pan people

[(Anonymous)]

I have never noticed any particular pattern... or maybe there is a pattern there, but I can't see it.

When I put together a 'harem' collage a few years ago I realized that there are exception even to my general preference for non-blonds/blondes (Chris Evans and Charlize Theron), though that's more the characters they played than the actors themselves, I think.

I also find that while the list of people I like to look at is pretty long, the number of people I've actually fantasized or had sex dreams about is pretty small.

Re: Question for fellow bi or pan people

[randomdrops]

No, it's not weird.

I don't think your (the general you, not you specifically) attractions necessarily has anything to do with your views/beliefs on gender.

Re: Question for fellow bi or pan people

[(Anonymous)]

Your description of how your attraction works is exactly the same way that mine works (bi lady here.) I do find male crossdressing attractive, but it has to be clearly a man dressed in women's clothing without attempting to look female, if that makes sense. Otherwise he might look good but I wouldn't be attracted. Female crossdressers are much less likely to be attractive to me for whatever reason, but if I do find one attractive it's the same deal, gotta be clearly a woman dressed in men's clothes. I'm zero percent attracted to androgyny, although my views of masculine and feminine are not always in line with how society in general would see it (for example, Brienne from GOT comes across as a very feminine person to me, albeit extremely unconventionally so.)

Re: Question for fellow bi or pan people

[(Anonymous)]

I don't see why who you're attracted to should in any way be considered a comment on how you think other people can experience gender.

Your attraction is what it is, it's different for everybody, it's not something that needs to make logical sense, and it's not something that needs to be stopped (unless you're attracted to little kids, which does not appear to be the case). It's not as if other people's gender identities are dependent on whether or not you personally find them attractive. As long as you're not acting like people aren't allowed to be androgynous.

Re: Question for fellow bi or pan people

[(Anonymous)]

[if it affects anything I'm a girl who leans towards mostly feminine girls, but am also game for both androgynous and masculine people occasionally.]

Also classifying more blatant sexual content as male gaze is bullshit and quite frankly sexist as it implies woman's desires are less impure. Criticizing inappropriateness in a situation or amount that women are objectified in comparison to men, fine, but the truth of the matter is that sexual attraction is inherently objectifying. However, that's a-okay as along as that doesn't bleed into how you treat blood and flesh human beings.

Honestly, I feel like people are way too preoccupied with if their sexual attraction is pure and just. That will never be the case so why worry? Just find people who work with you.

Re: Question for fellow bi or pan people

[(Anonymous)]

It's not weird, don't worry about it. And I...don't really have types to be honest, people I'm attracted to zigzag wildly all over the spectrum of human characteristics. (Alll thoughhh, everyone I've ever dated has been a musician. I guess that's my type.)

Re: Question for fellow bi or pan people

[cbrachyrhynchos]

Every time I think there's a pattern, something comes along and breaks it.

Re: Question for fellow bi or pan people

[(Anonymous)]

I'm only attracted to people once I know they already like and are attracted to me, if I can't tell you already want my booty it's like you are compltely sexless to me. It's really hard to tell my type because I never just look at someone and think they're hot, nobody I've dated seem to have anything in common and I never would have guessed I'd be attracted to them until it happened. That's probably bad or something but it's working for me so far.

Re: Question for fellow bi or pan people

[(Anonymous)]

I have a few different "types."

For men, I'm actually attracted to "conventionally attractive" guys. Jensen Ackles, Chris Evans, Idris Elba. Also, Asian guys. (But not Asian women, as a demographic grouping.)

For women, I tend to like either butch women, or more Earth mother types (large breasts, soft bodies, long curly hair, and I can tell you exactly the childhood babysitter I can trace that back to.) Also, lately I've been finding myself attracted to trans women a lot. I have no idea why; futa porn does nothing for me, but there are a lot of trans YouTubers that are just ... unf. I love me some badass heroines, but I go for the visibly strong ones (Gwendolyn Christie, Gina Torres in Firefly, Michelle Rodriguez) rather than the "Whedon waif" types.

I'm also really attracted to androgyny, whether it's the "guy in lingerie/woman in a suit" type, or people who are deliberately trying to minimize/mix their "gender signals" in their presentation.

Demographic info: I figured out a few years ago, in my late thirties, that I'd been genderfluid all along but just had never heard of it until then. Female is the "close enough for government work" label I use, out of habit and because I just don't have the fucks to give to explaining my more complicated reality to everybody I meet. I made my peace with checking the "F" box a long time ago

I tend to identify mostly as "queer" but if you want a little more specificity I'd go with bisexual.

Stupid Writing Question

[(Anonymous)]

I've had severe writing anxiety for years. I got some game-making software on sale a while back and I'm trying to make something simple or stupid just to get something made, but every time I get an idea and start going deeper into the planning stages, my brain either starts trying to make the plot more complex than it needs to be, or points out the million unworkable flaws in the idea. Any advice on how to turn this part of my brain off? I'm probably not even going to upload what I make, so it's not like I'm going to be unleashing my crap upon the world.

Re: Stupid Writing Question

[randomdrops]

Alcohol?

Re: Stupid Writing Question

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know it it will help, but the two pieces of advice that I've found really useful.

1. Not sure who said it (some famous writer), but it was quoted in NaNoWriMo materials a few years go: "Everyone's first drafts suck."

2. If you're not having fun, stop. If you're having fun, keep going. So, if delving into a million tiny details is fun for you, do it. You're doing it for fun, not getting paid by the hour.

Re: Questions/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

I won a charity auction last December, and was promised fanfic cut to my specifications. I gave the writer fairly free reign, just a broad outline, and sat back to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

The writer got in touch to apologise for the delay back in late January, and I have heard nothing since! What do I say? What do I do? This is making me so mad!

Re: Questions/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

I'd contact the author once more, and ask. Who knows, there may have been a big disruption in their life and they need a bit more time (I'm not excusing anything here, it's been nearly 4 months after all, I'm just suggesting perhaps something happened and your fic has been back burnered). Were you promised a completed fic by a certain date or was it up in the air as to when you'd get it? You can also contact the charity and let them know that what you won hasn't been delivered yet, and that you'd like a timeline as to when it might be available. I'm assuming you had to buy a ticket to win the auction? Yeah, get in touch with the people who ran the auction and let them know.

Re: Questions/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

My sympathies. This is why I only bid on charity auctions as a roundabout means of donation, so I won't feel too disappointed if the writer/artist doesn't follow through. I assume there was no set deadline by which you were supposed to have received your fic? It's been months, I think you're well entitled to send a civil e-mail to the author asking about the progress they've made and a rough estimate of when you might expect the finished product.

Depending on how that goes, I'd also drop a polite note to whoever organized the charity auction. Don't get huffy or insulting, just give a concise summary of the facts. Especially if the writer ghosts you.

Re: Questions/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Offering my two cents as someone who's been on the other end of this. Assuming your writer isn't an ass (which they could be, though the fact that they contacted you to apologize is a good sign), it's possible that they just haven't yet written anything that they feel is giftable. The longer the delay goes on the more guilty they probably feel, and the more blocked they are becoming.

Re: Questions/Advice Thread

[kaijinscendre]

This is a broad and sort of useless questions, but how do people decide what they want to do as a career? As I've complained often, I hate my job. As soon as I can get my driver's license and a car, I am quitting.

I have a Bachelor's in Special Education but I hate teaching. I thought about going to get a Master's in something (I thought about Library Sciences because librarians get paid well and I could work with kids without being a teacher). Or just working in a small bakery but that seems more like a job and not something I could see me doing for the rest of my life.

Any opinions welcome. I got a couple months before I can leave my job. :(

Medical Marijuana

[(Anonymous)]

I live in California, and I have a chronic pain condition. I can't take Norco every day or it looses its effectiveness. My sister said that there are certain strains of THC that don't get you as high/stoned but have anti-inflammatory properties.

Has anyone ever used pot for actual chronic pain?